https://youtu.be/AWlrz9Nja-w

Wiz: In the world of Castlevania, the universe is governed by two opposing forces: order and chaos.

Boomstick: Hey! It's like you and me, Wiz!

Spooky: N-No, I mean literally. As legend goes, for to be good, there must be an equal force of evil to create balance. An evil found in an alternate dimension called the . This is .

Antasma: But to keep his spot in the balance on Earth, Chaos needed to choose a dark lord to represent him. A dark messiah, if you will. As luck would have it, a perfect candidate would end up choosin' him!

Wiz: In the 11th century, was the strategic mastermind behind a company of knights, alongside fellow commander and best friend, .

Boomstick: But, as with most bromances, it got screwed up by a hoemance.

Spooky: Boomstick, have some tact, died from a horrible illness.

Antasma: Was it third-wheelin'?

(We cut to Wiz, Spooky, Antasma and Boomstick)

Boomstick: I'm sorry, guys, but you can already tell this guy is evil because his name is Math. I mean, I know we use math all the time to do this show, but sometimes one must embrace the darkness to see the light!

Wiz: Right... Anyway, Mathias's grief was so intense, he swore vengeance on God himself. To achieve his vengeance, Mathias sought the powers of God's polar opposite, Chaos.

(Boomstick puts on some broken glasses and takes out a pointer, Antasma puts his Miles Edgeworth costume on)

Boomstick: So, he set up an easy six step plan. Step One: Pick up a red rock called the Crimson Stone, it'll be important later. Step Two: Force Death itself to become your personal secretary. Step Three: Kill Luigi.   Step Four: Convince a vampire named to kill Leon's fiance, 'cuz misery loves company. Step Five: Let Leon murder poor Walt, and have Death shove his soul into that red rock. Step Six: Congratulations, you are now a vampire!

Antasma: (Bows) Goth kids, I hope you were paying attention!

Wiz: From that day forth, Mathias rejected his humanity. He became a vampire, and much more. He was the dark lord, Dracula.

Boomstick: There have been a lot of different versions of , but this one isn't your run-of-the-mill "I want to suck your blood" type. This Dracula is the Avatar of Chaos on Earth, the opposite to God. So like, the Devil. He... He's basically the Devil.

Spooky: He didn't have much time to enjoy his new powers though, as his former friend Leon swore revenge, a vow which would carry on throughout generations.

Antasma: But good luck takin' down this all new and improved Vampire Lord! He's got your standard vampire loadout, like blood-sucking, flight, razor-sharp claws, telekinesis, and even trippin' balls teleportation.

Wiz: He can also exert his influence over all living things, whether it be mind control, body possession, or absorbing the souls and abilities of fallen enemies through his power of dominance.

Boomstick: Oh, like Kirby!

Spooky: A demonic monster Kirby.

Antasma: Right, Kirby. Also, Dracula can shapeshift to his black heart's desire. Like into a swarm of bats, a cloud of mist, and a wolf. Oh, I get it! The opposite to God, 'cause he's a dog, just like the way "Alucard" is "Dracula" backwards! God, I should do science.

Wiz: He's also a master sorcerer, able to summon fireballs, meteors, and acid blood rain from the sky. Dark Inferno is a huge ball of magma that will fry anything in its path. And he can revitalize himself with another's life energy via Soul Steal.

Boomstick: Then there's his most powerful attack, a localized nuke of holy magic, the !

Spooky: With all these powers, it's no wonder Europe trembled at his presence for centuries. Though perhaps their fears were unfounded.

Antasma: Yeah, despite being livin' chaos or whatever, Dracula was sometimes a pretty chill guy. He even got himself married and had . Then again, kids are also the embodiment of chaos.

Wiz: Sadly, the people of a nearby church grew suspect of his wife, accusing her of witchcraft. So they burned her at the stake, and Dracula swore vengeance upon the God they followed as...

Boomstick: Wait, wait, wait... did he just get a total repeat of his backstory? Man, this guy can't catch a break!

Spooky: He was even forced to battle multiple descendants of Belmont, many of whom would actually defeat him.

Antasma: Well, sort of. Turns out my concept is a much tougher vampire to kill than lame old Walter.

Wiz: Even after losing his entire body, Dracula's soul remained tethered to Chaos, thus he would be resurrected every one hundred years.

Boomstick: When he wants to go all-out, he can draw from the power of the Chaotic Realm and transform into one of many awesome monsters. Like a giant demon, a giant demon bird, a giant demon head, and a giant demon head in a painting that vomits out bats.

Spooky: Dracula can punch hard enough to rend stone, move quick enough to catch arrows out of thin air, and even warp the fabric of reality itself.

Antasma: He's tough enough to survive a lightning strike, get blasted by an enormous meteor, and even get crushed under the weight of his own castle... AKA, the Castlevania.

Wiz: By measuring the size of Castlevania on the game's official art, we know it should weigh around 2 million tons. Even then, Dracula has regenerated his body from decapitation, a mess of blood, and even full-on disintegration.

Boomstick: So how the hell does he keep getting killed by everyone from to the ghost of weebs' past?

Spooky: Naturally, with the help of holy weapons, which Dracula is certainly not a fan of.

Antasma: Also, even when he's turned his body into some misty vape clouds, he keeps his head vulnerable, because... video games.

Wiz: Or more precisely, his hubris. Dracula's blatant arrogance would lead to his ultimate downfall. Allowing his enemies to sever his connection to the Chaotic Realm and thus end his cycle of resurrections. So instead, he was reincarnated.

Boomstick: Into a white-haired anime boy with the power of friendship, Soma Cruz, who turned out to be just as powerful as Dracula classic, like when he dodged beams of light, or when he defeated Chaos itself.

Spooky: Dracula's influence and power would never truly end. Even ten thousand years into the future, his bloodline continues to strike terror into the hearts of men. As long as good and evil exists...

Antasma: (Shocked) Hold up, that's his kid?! Vhat the hell happened to him?

Wiz: Ahem, no ordinary man can stand up to the incredible force that is the Dark Lord Dracula.

https://youtu.be/bjYjUdMsf00