Chapter Twelve (Ace's POV)

"Don't play stupid with me, Ace! I know what happened that night at Vic's!" Cherri snarled in a tone I hadn't heard her use in quite a while. I felt my blood turn to ice in my veins, my breath catching in my throat.

Shit.

She knew. She knew about my getting drunk. She knew about my trip to Vic's. She knew I had jumped him and tried to force myself on him- Unintentionally seeing as I was dead drunk. She knew the impurity of what I had done.

"It's true," Cherri managed in a whisper, shrinking away from me when she saw my expression, "That guy was right?"

"What guy?" I heard myself ask, my voice hollow. The fire snapped back into Cherri's eyes as she curled her lip in repungence.

"Jonathan Meyers! He goes by the name of Rex. Ring any bells?" She demanded heatedly. I stiffened.

Rex. The snotty rich bastard that was friends with Vic. I should've known he'd cross paths with Cherri someday, somehow and spill everything. Had he any idea what he'd done?! Almost immediately, my gasp gave way to gibberish.

"Cherri, you don't understand. I was upset, I-"

"So you get drunk and go over there to cause my friend hassle?"

"What?"

"You heard me! Or are you drunk now too?"

"Cherri, please don't say that. Stop looking at me like that."

"I have every right to look at you anyway I want! How dare you embarrass me by going over there and throwing a drunken fit at Vic! How could you do that to him, Ace? Do you have any idea how much that must have hurt him to have you go over there and bitch him out?"

"Cherri, Rex is just an asshole-"

"You're the asshole," Cherri argued sharply, putting her hands on her hips and refusing to back down, staring straight up at me with those fiery blue eyes that could put holes in steel, "Vic is my friend in case you haven't noticed! He's done a lot for this family! He's a good person, Ace! Why would you do such a thing to him? Prancing over there and cussing him out just because he happens to like men? This has to do with your father, doesn't it? Well, not everyone is like him, Ace!"

"Cherri-"

"I'm not finished, sit down!" Cherri barked. The tone of her voice had me plopping on the bed stiffly, my hands flat against my lap as I now found myself staring up at Cherri as she glared down at me.

"Vic is a wonderful person. He took in Danny after you kicked him out of house. He paid for Devin's hospital bills with money that he earns through hard work. He visits the same church we do, every Sunday without fail. He likes the same things you do and he's probably manlier than you are, Ace, and yet you go over there and have the nerve to call him a faggot?"

"I have no idea what-"

"Don't you dare try and weasel yourself out of this, Ace Carter. Since when have you become so selfish? You weren't always like this! You didn't let your past get in the way of your future! There's a reason it's called the past, Ace! Stop dwelling on it and move on! I know it hurts when your parents walk out on you, how do you think I felt when daddy told me I should kill my own babies?! How do you think I felt when they said they would no longer support me because of the 'mistakes' I made?! Yea, it hurt, but now I have a family! Or at least I did until you decided to take matters into your own hands without consulting me and you go around flaunting your pompous religious fanatic mother's ideals! How dare you do something like this, Ace! If you loved God so much, why don't you accept all of His children?! God made everyone the way they are for a reason and if you disagree with that, then maybe you're the one who's not loyal to His word!"

"Cherri-"

"I'm leaving and when I get back, you better have your things moved downstairs because you're sleeping on the sofa for the next three dozen years! Until our grandchildren have children!" I couldn't even get out another word before she stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her and leaving me to sit there, staring after her in utter confusion.

What just happened?

My mind tried to replay it, but it only made my headache ten times worse to remember all the yelling. In one moment, I was confused and hurt. She was lecturing me on being selfish when she was the one who was always making the decisions, then pinning it on me since I was the 'man of the house'? In the next second, I was angry.

I felt the heat of it melting the ice in my veins. I wanted to smash something, anything in my way, but I simply stood up and paced, running a hand through my hair in frustration. I was tempted to find this Rex guy, wherever he was, and beat the living shit out of him. Crush his windpipe in my fist and break his legs. Every possible scenerio ran through my mind before all the anger was drained out and I was flopping on my bed on my back now, staring up at the ceiling.

My heart was aching as badly as my head, little throbs starting in my temples. I sighed and shut my eyes, trying to relax, but it was so hard.

I was still confused. Obviously Cherri didn't know about the fact that I had jumped Vic, so thank God for that, but she knew about my ranting. She knew that I had preached Vic on his choice in partners and without a doubt, I regretted that. I had been doing what I could to be nice to Vic, but if I was too nice to him, not only would he get the wrong idea, but so would I.

Or maybe I already had the wrong idea?

I rolled over and clasped my arms over my head, grimacing. This was far too confusing. I felt like I was going to explode. All of this stress was weighing heavily on my shoulders, which were already sore and taut from sitting in front of a computer all damn now. Now, to make things worse, my body was going to be an aching mass tomorrow when I woke up from sleeping on the sofa.

And what did she mean by move my things? Everything up here was mostly hers. I hadn't kept any of my trinkets from when I lived with my mother. I only owned so many clothes. I suppose she meant blankets and pillows from the closet. I really didn't want to move. My whole body was aching with both mental and physical pain.

More than anything, I wanted to hold someone. I needed to wrap my arms around someone and just lay here. Part of me wanted Cherri, the other part of me wanted Vic. I cursed myself for both.

Cherri hated me.

Vic loved me, but I couldn't love him back.

Why was everything so confusing? I was sorely tempted to call Tristian up and invite him out for beer, but getting drunk was what had gotten me into this situation in the first place. Devin was probably off to visit Rick and Danny was getting settled in. And I had no other friends...

No one, but...

I went downstairs and dialed the largest number on the small notepad near the phone. It rang a couple times before a voice answered.

"Vic Patterson. Can I help you?"

"Vic." For some reason, I couldn't say anything else. I could've sworn I heard him suck in a sharp breath.

"Ace." He greeted stiffly.

"Uhm... Hi."

"Hi."

"... Are you... busy? Am I bothering you?"

"No. Just finished getting Rick to fall asleep. Are you all right?"

"Yea," I paused, then frowned, "Actually, no. Could we maybe meet somewhere? I need to talk to you." I was met with silence and at first, I figured he'd hung up on me and I was about to hang up the phone.

"Sure," Vic said at last, making me blink in surprise, but relax a little, "Sure, that'd be fine. Did you have anywhere in mind?"

"How about The Jensen Grille on Franklin?" I asked.

"All right. I'll head over there now to meet you."

"Thank you."

"Yea. Bye."

"Later." I hung up and went to the coat rack, snatching my coat up and slipping it on before I went outside, climbed into my truck, and started the engine. I didn't mean to whip out of the driveway, but I did. I just didn't want to be in the house right now. All the joy I felt when I'd seen Danny had fled and I was focused on getting to my meeting with Vic.

I probably tore through several stop signs and redlights to reach the Jensen Grille on Franklin, whirling around the corner and pulling into the parking lot. I paid the parking meter, turning to face the three story building. The first two floors belonged to the bar, the very top being the apartment to two other tenants and the owner.

Upon walking inside, I was greeted with a warm blast of air. The smell of smoke, alcohol, and bar food filled the air around me as I walked down the hall, the walls made of fake pine planking to match the wooden floor. Inside, the bar was noisy with rock music with a section for people to dance. The center was home to the infamous bar with a large square of dark red counters, all filled by regulars and newbies.

I walked past the bar to the other side toward the restaurant part. I took a seat in one of the furthest boothes near a window that looked into the dingy alley between this building and the next. A waitress stopped by and offered me a beer. I had no idea why I accepted it.

I didn't wait too long before Vic walked in. He spotted me right away and walked over, taking a seat across from me. The waitress popped by again, but Vic refused the offer for a beer, passing me a frown.

"Should you really be drinking that?" He asked dryly. I looked at the half empty beer in my hands, grimacing as I pushed it away.

"No, it's what got me into this mess in the first place." I muttered. Vic glanced at me curiously.

"What'd you mean?" He asked. I rolled my eyes.

"Obviously you don't talk to your friend Rex enough. The bastard ratted me out to Cherri." I snapped, unable to contain the venom in my voice. Vic's face drained of color and he sat back in his seat, looking utterly shattered. I felt another dull throb start in my chest.

"You're joking." He said after a while.

"I wish," I muttered, averting my eyes before looking back at him, "Cherri exploded on me back at the house. She said she met up with Rex and he told her what happened, but obviously not everything. Just enough so that she kicked me out of our room." I watched Vic grimace.

"I'm so sorry, Ace... This is my fault. I should've known Rex would do something stupid like that. He's... really possessive."

"Of course he is. He said he loved you too, didn't he?"

"I'm sure it was just on the spur of the moment."

"Vic."

"What? Ace, this isn't about me anyway. This is about you and Cherri. Would you like me to talk to her?"

"I don't know if it'll do any good. She said I embarrassed her and that I'm a selfish bastard. She kept saying I choose to do things on my own without asking her first. I'm not gonna call her while she's out with friends to ask her if I can get drunk because I'm depressed." I muttered bitterly, reaching for my beer again, but Vic pulled it out of my reach, giving me a scolding glare. I sat up to glare back, but it was difficult.

Looking at Vic's face, I realized how relaxed I had felt as soon as he walked in. I wish I'd stop doing that. I did love Cherri, believe me, but why were we getting in so many arguments lately? Why was everything stressing me out? I felt like the weight of the world was resting on my shoulders and just seeing Vic lightened the load.

"Damn it," I cursed, running my hands through my hair in frustration before smacking them on the table, making the silverware jump, "Vic, I don't know what to do. There's too much going on at once and I can't multi-task like this. I need one problem and to focus on it. I'm not a miracle-worker. I can't just shoot out answers to everything in a split second, but it's almost like everyone expects me to."

Why was I confiding in him? He could easily go back and tell Rex or Anthony or even Cherri, but for some reason, the expression on his face told me he wouldn't. I just wanted to slump into bed and never get up.

"Then tell them that," Vic said calmly, folding his hands on the table and looking at me with genuine concern, "Don't try and take so much at once, Ace. You're an amazing person, but you're, as you said, not a miracle-worker. Just take things one at a time. First off, your most important issue is Cherri. She's obviously upset and thinks you've hurt my feelings, right? I can just tell her that it didn't bother me at all and tell her that I understand that the stress of your life was just piling up on you and you had to vent to someone and I happened to be the target. I have no problem with that."

"Did it hurt your feelings?" I asked. Vic blinked, then sat back in his seat again, shoving his hands into his pockets and looking out the window silently for a while, then shrugged.

"I'm used to it, Ace. When my brother ratted me out to our parents, I was fully prepared to take what society would throw at me. And here I am. Successful and alive."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Like I said. We're here for you, not me. Let me deal with Cherri. What else is bothering you? Is it something I can help with or did you just want me to talk to Cherri?" Vic asked coolly, tilting his head a little at me.

Was he ready to go then? Was I making him uncomfortable? Ugh, since when did I care?

Good question. Since when did I care about Vic at all? Upon first meeting him, I dismissed him as nothing, but another... homosexual. Now, I was shocked by the fact that I couldn't bear the thought of him leaving me, especially now of all times.

When I didn't say anything, Vic got up and my body took on a mind of its own. My hand shot out and grabbed Vic's, pulling him back. He whipped around to stare at me in surprise.

"Is it all right if I come over? There's no way I can sleep on that sofa, not with my back." I said. It was half a lie and half truth. In all honesty, I couldn't sleep on that sofa. Sitting in a stuffy office with dozens of other people, hunched over a keyboard, had taken its toll on my body and it always hurt to sleep on a lumpy surface. The other half was unknown to me, an almost foreign longing that I really wish would just dissipate forever.

I watched Vic study my expression before he sighed reluctantly, withdrawing his hand.

"All right. You can have the guest room tonight, but what about Cherri? I'm sure she'll have something to say about you not coming home."

"I don't want to talk about Cherri right now." I admitted quietly. Vic nodded and led the way out of the bar after I paid for my beer. It was the truth, though, that I rather not talk about Cherri. All the crap that had been piled on me today was catching up with me and I was just too depressed and exhausted to talk about anything anymore. I just wanted to do, not think.

I followed Vic to his house, weaving through traffic to keep up with him before we pulled into his plowed driveway. I was relieved to find that Devin hadn't stopped by like he said he would. Either that, or he did it rather quickly.

Vic and I walked inside, the door closing and a wave of warmth washing over me as we stood in the foyer, taking our snowcaked boots and dropping our coats on the coat rack. Vic offered me something to drink and I just nodded silently, following him into the kitchen. I caught sight of a clock that read eight forty-five.

It was so early, but I was far too exhausted to argue with the time.

I took the water Vic offered me and he led me to the guest room. It was a nice room, large and spacious with a redwood four-poster bed that had black silk draped over the top, matching the dark sheets, pillows, and blankets. It looked so inviting as I set the glass on the nightstand.

"Are you hungry? I could make some dinner before you went to bed." He offered softly, avoiding eye contact with me. I stared at him for a while.

I hated myself for all the thoughts that were racing through my head right now. I felt several years younger, plunged back into high school. Anxious, depressed, lonely, hungry for something that no amount of gourmet cooking could satisfy.

"No, thank you. I can just... stop at the Dunkin' Donuts in town on the way home."

"Are you sure? Ace, don't be afraid to ask me for anything. It's my fault you're in this mess in the first place and the least I can do is help you get comfortable." Vic explained calmly. I tried to bite back my words. I felt myself about to say something stupid and the only thing I could do to stop it was step up to Vic.

I wanted to blame the alcohol. I really did, but there wasn't enough in my system for even the slightest buzz as I put my arms around Vic, sighing with relief at how perfectly he fit in my arms. I let my hands rest on his back, gently tracing his spine through his shirt. I felt a shiver course through him as he tensed in my arms, pulling back.

"Ace, get off me, please." He managed, his voice shaking.

"I don't want to." I heard myself say. Since when did my voice get so husky? This room was getting hot, really hot. He should turn the furnace down. I told myself that as I ran my fingers through Vic's hair, reveling at how soft it was.

"Ace, please." Vic pushed on my chest now. That snapped me out of my idiocy so that I almost leapt away from him. It wasn't just that either because looking at Vic's expression, I realized that I had seriously fucked up. His eyes were glittering with unshed tears, but he looked like he was trying so hard to fight them off.

"Why do you keep doing that to me? Do you think it's funny to tease me like that?" His voice was shaking big time and it sent a bolt of pain through me.

"Vic, I'm not teasing you. I don't... I don't know why I keep doing that. That's the other issue that's been going on in my head, ever since that damned night during the storm." I groaned. Vic looked even more hurt and I wondered if I had said something that outright offended him.

"What are you talking about?"

"You, Vic! You're my problem!"

"What? Ace, I thought you said-"

"I know what I said! I said I'd accepted this whole you're gay business, but maybe I haven't! Maybe I'm just mad because Cherri is probably thinking of leaving me! Maybe I'm mad because I hate this Anthony guy you're seeing! Maybe I'm mad because you keep coming into my head every single time I close my eyes, every time I'm with Cherri! What gives you the right to invade my life like that?! Everything was perfectly fine, until your damned nephews showed up and corrupted my sons, then you have to come in even deeper and ruin my life?! My marriage?!" I demanded.

"Insult me all you want, Ace Carter," Vic seethed now and I was surprised at the biting ice of his voice, "But don't ever, ever think you can go and insult my nephews. They did nothing to hurt your family. If it weren't for them, your sons wouldn't be as happy as they are now! You know what? Maybe Cherri was right. Maybe you really are just a selfish bastard."

It was hard to tell what hit me first. The pain or the rage, or the stupidity, but, God, did I hate myself in that moment. My legs moved quickly and my hand reached out, snatching Vic by the wrist and wheeling him back. He gasped in shock, stumbling and falling backwards onto the floor. I heard a crack when his head hit the post of the bed and for an instant, I was frozen.

Vic squeezed his eyes shut, his hand darting up and clamping on the back of his head as he gritted his teeth.

"Vic, I'm sorry. Jesus Christ, I'm so sorry." I managed, dropping to my knees. Vic didn't say anything as he cupped his head, his eyes shut and his teeth still ground together. I reached up to touch his hand, but he stunned me by bringing his hand around and slapping me hard across the face.

It hurt far worse than when Cherri had slapped me. It not only left a burning print on my cheek, but it was the look on Vic's face as he clenched his fists now. The tears were clearly welled up in his eyes and he was breathing hard.

"What the hell is wrong with you? I was just trying to help, but obviously you have way too much fun taunting me for it. I thought I could put up with you hating me, because at least I wouldn't have any hope that you'd like me, and now you're telling me there's the slightest chance that you might like me, then you go and do something like that? Why do you hate me so much, Ace? I can't help the way I am and I'm sorry, all right?! Why can't you just leave me alone? I regret ever meeting you." He was sobbing now and trying to stop himself by biting down hard on his lip.

I felt agony lacing through me as I sat there on my knees in front of him, watching him trying desperately to wipe his tears away and stop sobbing. I wanted to say something, anything, but I knew only stupid nothingness would pile out and make my life so much worse.

Why was all of this happening at once? Why now? Why...? I hadn't meant to hurt Vic. I was just so angry, so confused with everything and I was taking it out on him. He was probably wondering the same thing about me.

Why was I hurting him? Why was I teasing him? Why did I keep changing my mind? Why did I give him the sliver of hope he'd been working so hard to stamp down on?

Before I knew what I was doing, I was reaching out, pushing Vic's hands away from his face and cupping it in my hands, watching his dark eyes flicker with pain.

"Please don't cry, Vic... I'm so sorry, about everything. About coming to you with my problems, without bothering to know yours. About going bipolar on you. I'm just so confused. I don't understand how I could possibly love Cherri and... And you at the same time." I was shocked at the words that had come out of my mouth. Vic stared at me for a second longer before his tears came flooding back, his hands clamping over mine tightly.

"Please stop, Ace. This isn't funny anymore!"

"I'm not joking!" I protested. Vic shook his head vigorously, trying to shove my hands away, but I refused to let him go. Instead, I pulled his face closer and hesitated. Did I really want to do this? If I did this, and I was completely sober, I was taking so many risks. I risked Vic's heart, my heart, Cherri's, the boys'.

But I'd gone this far. Was I really going to push him away and leave? Leave him here knowing that he would be shattered? The idea terrified me far more than it should have and I felt even further into a pit of self-loathing.

And kissing Victor Patterson made it so much worse.

I pulled Vic closer the rest of the way, our lips touching and I was stunned to find them warm and soft, almost feminine. I felt my tongue slide past my lips, past Vic's, and into his mouth where I met his moist, velvety tongue. A shiver went through him and my body ached with more than just a physical need as I ran my fingers through Vic's hair, holding him close so he couldn't break away.

I heard him give a little whimper of distress, but I swallowed it in a flurry of tongues and hot breathes. I made the mistake of running my hands down his back and he jerked his head away from me, turning it the other way and squeezing his eyes shut in refusal.

"You finally have me in your hands and you're not going to accept me?" I asked, feeling a pang in my chest. Vic's eyes slid open slowly and he seemed to search the floor for answers before turning his head slowly to look at me again, studying my face. I leaned in close to his face, our noses touching before he took the initiative.

His lips touched mine gently at first, cautiously. It reminded me of someone testing the water to see if it was good enough to swim in. Or in Vic's case, real enough to swim in. When I kissed him back this time, I watched another wave of tears fill his eyes, but this time, they didn't fall as he reached up tentatively, taking my face in his hands.

His hands were warm against my cheeks, his fingers long and slightly rough as they brushed my cheeks, threading through my hair and sending chills through me. The rational part of my brain was shrieking at me to stop. I was making another mistake and this mistake right here would lead to what would probably be the worst situation in the world.

I'd lose my wife. My mother. My children. My everything.

Except Vic.

Vic would still be here, wouldn't he? He'd still want me, right?

It was hard to focus on the answers to those questions with Vic's legs on either side of my hips, clenching tightly against me as our groins pressed together. A small gasp escaped his lips against mine. I dared to slide my hand under his shirt, feeling his smooth skin under my fingertips. He sighed, dipping his head to rest against my shoulder, his arms going around me tightly as if he couldn't imagine anything better.

Was this a good idea? Was this a bad idea? I really couldn't tell anymore and there was no time to stop now.

I was going to have sex with Victor Patterson.