Dear Teacher,
It bothers me how much that tardy, sarcastic know-it-all talks back to you. I don't even know his name, but I can smell weed radiating off him in waves. Perhaps I should turn him in for a quick 50? All in all, I believe I am the only one to disobey you in such a manner. I am also the only one who should be this intelligent, so add Calum Hood to my list of enemies and competitors. Likewise, I am determined to write a better essay than him, so don't go grading the incoming papers with a certain amount of leniency. Grade them like the church-going, jackass, attractive, and smart (no smarter than me, if I may add) English major you are.
I hope I can at least make you smile today. I have noticed your withdrawal. Cold turkey can be aided with humor, Luke.

Mind if I stop by after school? Check your answer in the space below and slide this note in my locker.

_x_ Yes
___  No