Dear Soulmate,

Life is a very funny thing when you sit and think about it.

Everything feels orderly as we move from one phase of life to another, but is it really? Are we really in control of what we experience as life or is there some unseen driving force that throws the randomest things at us just to see how far we can go before we break and eventually die?

I used to believe in order but now I'm not sure what to believe.

I honestly thought that after seven years I'd never get to see you again. It comforted me that you were somewhere out there probably living your best life.

Now you're back like rain on a hot summer day and I find old feelings sprouting along with old insecurities.

Those insecurities may not have changed but I certainly have and this time I don't care if it's not the will of some sentient being in charge of hauling trials and tribulations in our way, I will make my move.

And I did.

Even though you hissed and rolled your eyes when I asked you to dance at the wedding I caught that small arch smile when I suggested we open that ‘reserve’ bottle of champagne and I don't regret asking. I still thought you looked absolutely stunning in that dress the color of a warm sunset as you reprimanded me for that thought before you walked away to continue your bridesmaid duties.

I don't know if it's the mushiness of our friends getting married or the cloying lavender air freshener Amarachi chose for her big day but I find my mind wandering more than often to the future.

A future with you.

These letters have been so comforting to me; a safety blanket to pull over my head in the dark. But in some way they've also been holding me back. Exacerbating my fear. Making me believe that the idea of us would be better than the real thing.

I'm going to stop daydreaming and stop writing and actually do something about these feelings that give me wings and take me to unexplored places.

Otherwise I fear I'll die a bitter, lonely death and prove that life in fact is defined no more than through our failures.

Yours Truly,
Your Future Husband.