Dear sister,

Lately, I have become more aware of how complicated humans truly are. I don't know weather it is because I am young, and everyone thinks that not telling me what's truly wrong will save me unnecessary stress, or it could be that they just don't think that I would understand. Human emotions are a bundle of storms trying to battle with one another, and sometimes, they let themselves get blown away by the internal wind when they should be the ones controlling it.

I am the first person to keep quiet about their feelings, but it is probably because I have not found someone that would want to listen to me. Because I am young, I am considered not to have "real" worries when really, I- and people both younger and older than me- feel just as everybody else feels and my issues and worries are as real as theirs.There are always worse things and situations, somebody will always be sadder and will have more troubles than one does. But that does not make it hurt less, or make it less important in the eye of the person experiencing it.

The real examples are the people in our family, or maybe everybody, but our family are the only people that I spend enough time with to see all sides of their stories. No matter how much it may seem that things are okay, when you really listen to them speak later on, you realize that the bad things overrule the good things. I don't know weather it's about perspective, or if they are truly happy or sad, or weather there is such things s just happy and just sad.

I alone cannot be the measurement of other people. Nobody can, really, because emotions differ from person to person. But with me, there was never just happy or just sad. I am both, and those emotions do battle and sometimes one overrules the other. But they are both there, and one is always stronger. It is either black or white, and sometimes, there is a little grey.

And happiness and sadness are not the only emotions that come, and when I realized that emotions are truly the things that guide us and -sometimes- even control us; I said I didn't want them.Nothing ever was done without emotion. Wars started out of hatred. Marriages were made out of love, out of obligation, or need. Works were written out of sadness, madness, melancholy... It is what I truly love about writing. The ability to put down on paper no matter what feeling you have. And it is my goal to write down those feelings without the weight of judgement on my shoulders.

Love, though, is one of the feelings I curse every day. As happy as it makes us, it influences both our happiness and sadness, it influences every other feeling that we have, and overrules all else. Families are made because of love. Wars are fought because of it, and because of different kinds of love. That goddamned feeling was laid on us like a curse and I can't really figure out weather it's a blessing or a curse.Society promotes love as a weapon to reach equality when really, equality cannot be reached because of the simple paradox; people are here to be loved, and things to be used- the problem is, people are too often used and things are loved.

There will never be a day when our society will be able to treat everybody as equals, because everyone battles with their own storms. But we can, hoping for the best, start moving towards something better for all of us and for once start acting selflessly.

The cruel reality is, however, no joke. And when you look out for the worst, you are considered realistic. However, I would like to change my reality if I could. I would want to be realistic when thinking of something ending right and going my way.Unfortunately, as I cannot control my feelings, I cannot control reality. Control is not something that we have, it's something that we strive to have.

One cannot control the weather, or the situations they find themselves in, or the abilities we have. One can only influence them. I don't want to go back home. Though I miss you, I thin I need to put myself first for once. Though I'll come back.

P.S. I'm not sure weather the post office works here, but I hope you are getting my letters, even though you can't answer.

All my love,

Vice