Dear sister,

I see no point of family dinners when our family can barely stand each other. It's a constant battle between the cold wind and the hot, turning it into a hurricane that gets worse every time they encounter. It makes sense- why hurricanes are named after people.

I knew you always wanted to leave and get out of this mess; and now, after a while of being disappointed that you left me behind, and a wave of jealousy that you actually got to leave, I am very happy that you do not have to endure them.

There was no particular occasion. There was nothing to celebrate. Nobody had died or been born. Nobody had anything special going on in their lives; but still, a family dinner happened. Immediate family is the closest family we have- but family does not mean love and mutual support, when the people that are supposed to support you just tear you down without thinking.

Since you left, they have been bad-mouthing you whenever they gather. Mom is silent about it, but I can tell that she agrees. Dad doesn't particularly care; he only says that he is hurt that you left without a goodbye, but he's getting over it. However, mom's two sisters- our beloved aunts- act like they are in a television drama.

We were in a nice restaurant, and if it were any nicer, I would have vomited. Everyone acted like we were the perfect example of a loving family with problems cast aside, when really, our own misconceptions are eating us alive.

Lately, mom has only been smiling when she's at work. Her smile sent to millions of viewers watching the news was as fake as her trust in me. After you left, at first I felt as if everything turned upside down. But really, you were the shield that guarded me from the chaos. You kept me oblivious of the whole chaos going on in our family, and I don't know weather to thank you or curse you for it.

Back-stabbing reaches another level when sisters stab their knives in each others back. This time, it was mom that suffered the injury. And later on, apologized for getting the knife bloody. I am thankful that you and I were never like that- and I truly hope that we never will be.

The things they say about you are like they are talking about a whole other person. It is true that you left without anyone's consent- but you didn't need it. You left without saying goodbye to anyone but me- and you didn't need to. But when they tell me that you are selfish, I cannot comprehend how some people can be so self involved that they don't realize that they are the selfish ones. I know that you spent most of your life being there for every one of them, and this is how they speak of you when you do one thing for yourself- something you should've done a long time ago.

The people you love, I realized, are more dangerous than any enemy could ever be. What you've always been telling me kind of finally makes sense.Never to love many people, because the things we love destroy us most. I guess you knew more about how to handle all of this, taking it that you had no one to shield you from everything.

All of us look to the sky, seeing so many different things. We look at one another, thinking so many different thoughts. Some of us, I guess, are a little blind to some things. I liked the blindness, to be completely honest, because when I really started to see the people for who they are, I grew disappointed. It was only because I thought they were someone else. Nobody is just good, and just bad. We are combinations of both, and it is on us how we want to perceive someone.

And when I get a moment alone, when I can breathe without anything weighting down my chest, I realize that maybe, just maybe, I don't want them to change. Because no matter how cunning, back-stabbing, jealous and egoistic they can be, there could be one thing worse than that. There could be no them.

And really, I will always want to change things. I will always want to them to be kinder and to think when they speak. I will always want you to come back. I will always wish I was braver to go into the world alone. I will always wish I was brave enough to reach for the things I want, and not let them pass by just because I was too scared to try.

So if I don't wish for things to change, and start accepting them as they are, maybe I won't have to wish anymore. Maybe I'll just be thankful that I have what I do. And maybe I'll do things I thought I couldn't.

Because I realize that none of these moments I will get to re-live. Not the ones I want to, and not the ones I don't want to.

And that makes life so much more precious.

All my love,

Versa.