Dear sister,

I have spent a lot of my time thinking about how everyone in our family loves each other, but no one really likes each other. Last weekend was mom's birthday, as you know; she said you called, and she barely heard what you were saying most of the time, but she said you sounded happy. I hope you are. I'm sorry I wasn't home; I tend to stay indoors all the time, but the one moment I'm not, you call. 

Mom's big five-o meant that there was going to be a family gathering; and now, that I haven't seen most of these people in years, I got to see a new side of them. I have grown up since the last time I saw some of them, and now I began to notice things more. I notice how they smile and kiss on the cheek and exchange plesentaries with the 'You haven't aged a bit', but then when the person turns their back, they are immediately pointing out how much weight they've gined or how they weren't invited to someone's daughter's wedding, they throw assumptions and spread rumors, and these people haven't seen each other in years.

A few of mom's cousins didn't come, because they heard that someone they didn't like was coming. Dad's uncle didn't come, because he owed money. Everyone seemed to be having a great time, but when you paid close attention, it was like high school all over again; everyone was pretending to be in a good relatinoship with each other, and no one held any gruges when in fact, we all saw that they did. 

But ignorance was a mutual, non-spoken agreement.

I sat alone for a while, just observing everything and everyone. And how all these people thought things that no one will ever know. And how they did bad things, but good ones too. And how they all loved someone, and hated someone. People are weird, aren't they? Magically weird. Because we can feel so many things at once, so many feelings towards once certain person. 

And how is everyone so quick to judge only upon the things someone else said, when every moment someone experiences differently. Everyone felt different in that one split second.

Things started to get interesing when we sat around the table to have lunch; forks were clacking against the plates, people held glasses to their mouths in hopes of someone not asking them anything because their mouth was occupied, wine bottles were drowned faster than they were opened, and by the time lunch ended, half the people was gone. I found out who died, who went o college, who got married or divorced, and so many things went on in everyone's life that I think its impossible for a life to be lived dully. 

Mom didn't mind when most people left, because the ones that stayed were the ones that she was the happiest to see. It was our grandparents, closest cousins, and a few aunts and uncles. And as fast as everyone came, everyone was gone, and I felt content; because I at least saw them. I don't really care what they'll say about me, or the pictures from my art show, or how I was silent most of the time. Because they were not the key people in my life. I am. And I think that I should worry less about what they said and more about what I did; because words are just words until we turn them into actions. 

I was happy to see everyone, but I was not happy with the way they were; like strangers to each other. But it's okay; everyone has the right to live their life the way they want to.

 Everyone asked about you, and I told everyone the same thing; that you were out hunting for adventure and that you're happy. I hope you are. When they asked where you were, I said that you are travelling all the time along the coast, since I have no idea where you are. But it's okay, I think. Mom said you sounded happy. She was never a good judge of that, but I trust that you are. You have to be.

You always said that happiness was  as temporary as joy, but when I think of it, I don't agree. Happiness comes and goes; but it's never completely gone. As much as my heart can hurt, I am still happy because it is beating.

I have also noticed that no matter how much you know a person, you don't. There is so many sides to a person like shades to a color, and we all have our favorite shade; but no one is one universal color, no one is the compilation of the same shades. I like my shades, though. Well, most of them. And I had a thought; are you looking for your shades? Because you had your dark ones, and I hope that they lighten with the white of freedom. I hope that when you come back, you like your shades. Because I like every one of yours, even the dark ones.

All my love,

Versa.