Entry Nine: (Day 5702)
Days Until The Transformation: 966
Dear Reader,

I'm not sure if you got my message but I had to do something. As I was going to tell you who has been following me I heard footsteps on the stairs. I threw my journal in the trunk and picked up a book quickly without thinking. It was Director Adams, in our house. He started to say something but the words kind of just melted away when he recognized what I was holding. It was like watching clouds roll across the sky and while he just asked quietly what I had in my possession, I knew I was in major trouble. They took me, quite forcefully I may add, to Station Thirteen once again and this time I didn't hesitate to eat the food and drink the water. I made myself quite at home and watched the aggravated looks on their faces. I couldn't stop smiling, I was moving the furniture, or rather lack thereof, and when they asked me what I was doing I answered that I was making it more homey just to watch their angry faces. Have I ever mentioned that I can be alone for a very, very long time before I begin to degrade? Well that was one of the tactics. It didn't work well. Every time they peeked in to see if I had gone insane yet I just grinned at them.

Eventually they got tired of me begging and gave me paper and pencil and I wrote that letter. I sent it to Mentor James but labeled it to The Community and the officers in Station Thirteen were confused but I wouldn't say anything about it. I refused to relinquish the rest of the paper and the pencil and eventually they just gave up asking. I had everything in my power. They had nothing. The only thing I was missing was writing to you, I couldn't for fear they would see. And I missed watching my cameras, I couldn't help but worry I was missing important information. At the time I had no idea how long they kept me there, I should've kept track but didn't think of it until it was too late. It all just blended into one very long period of time. Days and nights became irrelevant. As far as I can tell I had recentered my day, because now I'm not tired until about Hour Four and I wouldn't wake up until Hour Twelve if I didn't have to be awake for Assignment. I sent that letter to Mentor James with the hope he would disregard it and leave it be. I was correct. When I was returned home, which I will explain momentarily, he handed it to me and I brought it to the journal to put it in place. In case you haven't figured it out yet, read down the left side. All of the first letters.

They had brought me to Station Thirteen, a place I now consider a second home, because of the book. As you well know books are illegal and I refused to tell them where I had acquired it. Maybe it's just me, but wouldn't you think they'd know about all of the buildings, used or not, in Area 37? Regardless, I wasn't willing to give up my library and I went with them to Station Thirteen. As I said earlier, they weren't very gentle about it at first, and that may have been mildly my fault. I underestimated their lack of flexibility with me. I pressed my limits when they asked me to follow them willingly and so they did it their way. I wasn't upset with them, well not the officers anyway. They were just doing their jobs, but Director Adams was just throwing a fit because I refuse to conform. He would come in every now and again to Station Thirteen and watch me for a bit. He would sit on a chair right outside of my cell and because it was directly across from the bed I would sit and stare back. It went on for about an hour before he would ask where I got the book from, I considered him breaking the silence first a small victory every time. I would say nothing and he would sigh and then leave. The only thing I can think, as to why he cared so much about the book, after all it was a book about herbs I believe, is that he just wants compliance. He seems to be a very high stress man from what I saw in the many hours I spent studying him, and one that especially runs on complete dominance of those around him. Perfect for the newly transformed community when it happens I'm sure. I can understand why the Officials don't like me very much Reader, I'm the complete opposite of a model citizen. But what I can't understand is why, like Thomas, they haven't removed me from the community. Although now that I think about it, they have in all essences besides in actuality. I was in Station Thirteen for just under one hundred days, and even when I am in the community I only am permitted to be at the house, at Communal Meal, which technically most days is held in the house anyway with just Mentor James and I, and at Assignment. I am not a functioning member of our society. I am uneducated, I am unliked, I am an Unplanned. What am I? How can I continue to use the things I am not, to describe what I am?

I believe the negativity of the community has gotten to me. Perhaps I should go back to the way it was before. Maybe I should just forget I know about the impending execution of thousands of people including myself. Maybe I should go back to Education, which I will have to beg to be able to do, and continue learning about the industrialization of our Earth's society. Maybe I should become the exemplary member of the community that everyone looks up to. Be the reason community members commend Mentor James and Mentor Vanessa. Be the shining star for my peers to be told to be more like. Be exactly who I was supposed to be.

Although on the other hand if you consider the governmental aspect to this you have to recognize the fact that as one of The Unplanned, I was born to be an example of what not to do, not a person to follow. I technically was created to fail. Well, I was unjustifiably conceived in a time when Area 37 had said not to produce children. We've been told that since we were old enough to understand. We are the product of poor discipline and low standards. When I was younger I hated the people that brought me into this world, and perhaps I still do on some levels. As an ideal child of a controlled community I could hardly understand why someone would purposely break a rule that had been set in place. The irony that comes with this memory is strong. I was raised to envy fetus' in glass tubes. I was told countless times they were better than I could ever be, and I happily agreed on the matter. We, as a group of two thousand Year Eights, visited the Glass House on a field trip and were required to write a paragraph on how The Planned were better than The Unplanned. Reader, if this helps for you to understand, know that I wrote two pages.

I can't express to you how it feels to be told you are the bottom of the community and be taught to adore the fact. We were proud. I can't wrap my head around it now even but I remember the good feeling associated with being put down. How do you accomplish that? I'm sure they have a Glass House in your community as well, did you ever go see it? Technically it's open to the public to view, although they will not advertise that as it serves a better purpose unquestioned. Now that I think of it, I have never asked if you're one of The Unplanned. It's completely possible you're not. What if you're a Mentor, a Worker, an Official? I suppose it doesn't matter very much. I feel as though this information would be beneficial to just about anyone. I can't help but hope you're one of The Unplanned though. It would make it easier in theory for you to understand what I'm talking about. Any community member would to an extent, but there's a very small part of me that thinks you might be alike to me. There's piece of me that believes you're an Unplanned, that you're Immune. That you understand every word I write, down to the fiber of your very being. It's what kept me going in that cell for so long. It's how I didn't go crazy, although it is arguable to say I didn't go crazy because I am already there. I talked to you the entire time, despite not having a place to safely write my thoughts down I kept a constant one sided dialogue with you.

I think it's actually a very good thing you can't respond, I don't know what I would do if you didn't agree with me. At least through here I can pretend I'm not alone. I can create a mental facade in which you're just a pencil and paper away. Where unconditional understanding and agreeance is prepared and awaiting for me. I laugh to myself quietly sometimes because all I can imagine is you reading this, as outraged as ever, yelling at me that you disapprove completely. But I'll never hear you because when you read this, I'll be gone. I've come to accept that fact. Not necessarily dead, don't misunderstand me. I just won't be here, I won't be in Area 37. I'm going to leave this place someday. I swear it. And although I doubt myself and my plans many times a day, it will not be through whatever plan they have to rid the community of the Unwanted.

Speaking of the Unwanted, and especially since we have had that heart to heart now, I can finally tell you who was continuously following me. It was Mentor James the entire time. Now I know that doesn't make any sense, bear with me for a moment. There's a lot of things I've learned about Mentor James lately, and while I was very suspicious at first, as I am sure you are right now, I trust him now. Perhaps a poor choice on my part, but I guess we'll have to see. He knows about the library, the cameras, the trunk, the lock, the documents. He knows everything, and not because I told him. Because he's a sneak who followed me around and picked the lock on the trunk to read this very journal. I know, I was angry at first too. I refused to speak to him for a while before my curious nature kicked in and I began to wonder why he hadn't reported me to Director Adams. He began crying, he told me that he had, but not for everything he knew. The reason Director Adams had come to the house that night was because Mentor James had told him that I was showing signs of Suspicious Behavior. I rolled my eyes when he told me, I have moved on to such a mental state that such things are humorous to me now. Then I was caught with the book and taken away. Mentor James never specifically meant for that to happen, it was a mistake on my part. Of all things, I chose the book I had illegally in my possession. Even if it had just been Mentor James coming to check on me I still would have been in a mess of trouble. I suppose mentally, it was a question of what was worse to be caught with, a book, or a journal recording my unwarranted activities against the community.

Anyways, he told me the story of his past and in essence the tale he told me was the reason I chose to trust him. He used to be a Worker, a teacher specifically. He taught history, which is apparently why they leave the abandoned library be, for the teachers to learn about the community. Although they took it off the maps so that normal civilians wouldn't go there, there is such a thing as too much knowledge to them. He told me he's read almost every book in that building and I do not exaggerate when I say there's at the very least over one hundred thousand. Some are children's books and some are encyclopedias but I promise you, he's not trying to trick me by saying that. He has the knowledge to back it all up. He told me stories of the very first World War, all the way through the final one, or World War Six as it was named ever so originally. He told me how the world used to be separated by countries, which I knew from History and Geography, and that there was no uniform aspects at all. Some places had presidents, some had forms of leaders, one even had a queen. They all were different sized places and everything was based on the power of paper money. It's rather astonishing to think about. I can understand why following the end of the war we switched into a general equality. Split the world into pieces and named them all similarly. Divided the people into groups of almost equal amounts and sent them to their new homes.

Apparently, they forget to tell us about the twelve year period of rebellion against this new world structure. And just happened to miss the page that tells the story of seven hundred and sixty seven million people who died in protest. Whether it be killed by their own hands, other civilians, or the Officials. Who I am sure said they were just doing their jobs, although technically they were. Mass shootings of towns who refused to leave their homes. Widespread poisonings of hospitals, no time to heal the sick apparently. They flat out just shot anyone who decided it was a good idea to revolt on Commander Everett's Property. Anyone who really thinks that protesting on the leader of Earth's lawn is a good idea probably deserved to die anyways, you don't get many worse ideas than that. Well that is until they took all children under age five, told the parents they'd be in a safe zone until the fighting died down, and then killed them all. It doesn't sound as good on paper when you have to write that they placed them in large rooms and replaced the oxygen with carbon monoxide until they died of suffocation. Oh yes and the mothers that refused to give their children up were told ever so kindly that they could go with them, and then were given poisoned food to give them. And got to watch as their child died in their arms for no explainable reason. Then were shot.

The atrocity of this period is almost shockingly redundant if you look back into history. Well I suppose not quite. Anyways while this all was happening they were sending people on cruises to get them off the land and then, renovating it, shall we say. If taking everything down, sending the rubble to space, and building brand new everything can be considered renovations. They separated the entirety of Earth into just over four hundred thousand communities. Did you know that? I was unaware of the immensity of Earth. Placed in Area 37, I never had any reason to believe they went higher than one hundred. To be fair, you'd think that's something they'd teach in Education. Commander Everett new Official Residence was placed on the tropical climate of Antarctica. By the way did you know that it used to be covered with ice, completely? I've never been as it's illegal to go there now, but I've seen pictures. I can't even picture such a tropic place, covered in snow. Although, I can't imagine snow in general. Mentor James told me there hasn't been a documented snow falling for over a thousand years, and not a significant rain falling in about five hundred. He told me that before the world wide filtration system was put in, each place on earth only was given as much water as what they called the weather brought them. Which means they depended on a completely undependable system of clouds they did not control, but the wind did. I suppose it must have worked enough to make it worth it, but it sounds useless to me. As interesting as places covered in snow and ice are, the thing that strikes me most odd are places they called deserts where it never precipitated at all. It was completely unlivable and a waste of space.

Reader, all of this is fascinating to you I'm sure, as it is extremely fascinating to me, but onto bigger and better things. Or as I probably should say, bigger and worse. Now that I know Mentor James is on my side, I asked him what was up with everything being seemingly set up. I was hoping he'd just tell me he had friends in high places and it was him all along. But unfortunately he has no idea who or why anyone would be helping me. It left me with an uneasy feeling, understandably I suppose. I was uneasy before but I could convince myself that it was all in my head, now that I told Mentor James, I realized just how bad it sounded. He confirmed that it was not in my head at all and there's either someone looking out for me or trying to get me in really big trouble. I can't help but wonder yet again, why would anyone do anything like that. There's no reasoning behind it.

Mentor James told me that Mentor Vanessa won't be returning after all, she's been removed from the community for messing up that badly. I can't say I felt sorrow. At all. But he showed a shadow of grief so I was quiet with my hatred and chose to say nothing at all. I nodded in understanding but stayed away from the subject of Mentor Vanessa in general. I think he was grateful but it was hard to tell, as he had a difficult time liking her some days as well.

I still can't understand the regulations and rules of the community. They send Mentor Vanessa away because she didn't give me a plate of medicated food that in actuality wouldn't have even done anything to me. But at the same time bring me back to the very same community and allow me to be a part of the general population while it's known that I am a liability. I can't quite wrap my head around it. It's so frustrating that I can't ask someone who would know, I can ask Mentor James now but he is nearly as clueless about these things as I am. Certainly I can't just go up to Director Adams and ask him why they haven't removed me from the Area yet, and I have to be careful who I go around telling this to, due to the medicated water most people are not as open minded as they might've used to be. I have you of course, and that's very good don't get me wrong, I don't think I'd have gotten this far without you. And I have Mentor James now, which I am a small bit nervous about to tell the truth. I want to trust him, I do, it would make my life a whole lot easier to have someone there who I can bounce ideas off of and get a response. But at the same time, although it's a bit late now, I am wondering if he's just a ploy to discover my thoughts and plans and report them back to whoever cares. It would be rather inconvenient if that were the case, currently I am one step ahead of everyone else and if he gives away all of my ideas then I will surely fail.

Which of course brings me to another point, what is my fight? What am I hoping to accomplish? Of course I would like to deter them from killing around five thousand people, myself included. And similarly I would highly enjoy it if they chose not to control children by remote control, but I'm not sure how I plan to make any of this work. What control does one Unplanned Year Fifteen have? Especially one who has labeled herself as not to be trusted? Oh Reader, I don't mean to be melodramatic but I'm not sure I can do this on my own. There are moments that I just wish none of this had ever happened, but then I take a moment and remember that this began when I was born and also I will die if I don't change the future.

It's an unimaginable amount of pressure to feel, all five thousand lives in your hands essentially. I have to go, I'll write again soon.

Take care of yourself,

-KM