"You're not even trying! You don't care about anything Kata! You're so stupid!" Ms. Adams screamed as Kata stood in front of her, trying not to flinch with each word. "You're not stupid because of the grade, though you keep it up and you will be. No, right now you're stupid because you refuse to understand how important your grades are to your future!" She shook her head. "I knew you were dumb, I just didn't know you were this dumb. If you want to get into Princeton or Harvard you need good grades!"

"And who said that's what I wanted?" Kata mumbled in rage.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, sorry Mother," replied Kata, looking down at her feet, immediately feeling ashamed of what she said, a wave of guilt washing over her like a tidal wave.

"You must answer me when I ask you a question! Nothing is not an answer! Look at me when I'm talking to you!" Ms. Adams scolded her daughter, lifting her chin up harshly to look her in the eyes. "And we've had this conversation. Never ever call me "mother." I am your Mom! Not some enemy that you treat me as!" Kata nodded, trying her best to keep eye contact, and not trusting her voice to not give out on her. "Good. Now you are going to go in for the retest and come up with some way to get your grade back up to where it should be."

"Mom," Kata said, choking on the word. "My grade is a 97 still, isn't that where you want it?"

"Kata," Ms. Adams said in a warning tone. "You need to have your grade as high as possible at all times. I did not raise a quitter! You need to start caring about things that are actually important in life instead of those idiotic little shows you like putting on!" She yelled, stepping closer to Kata as her volume rose. Kata shrunk away from her in fear, tears springing to her eyes. "Are you afraid of me?"

"I- no Mom." She looked down, tears starting to trickle down her face.

"Then why are you flinching and backing away from me?!"

"I-"

"You know what Kata? You are making me feel like a horrible mom! I don't deserve this! What have I ever done except look after you and care for you?" Kata started crying harder despite trying her best to keep the lump in her throat in place. "Stop crying, you inconsiderate little girl!" Kata choked down her sobs as best she could as she felt slits being ripped open in her stomach. "You are so selfish, try looking out for someone else's feelings except your own for once in your life!" Tears glistened in Ms. Adams' eyes. "I just feel so bad now and what have I done to deserve it? You just make me feel so guilty all the time Kata! I just- I can't deal with this anymore." Kata's mother took a deep breath, her tears being replaced with anger once again. "I don't want to see you for the rest of the day." Kata stood there, too broken to move. "Go! Now!" her mother boomed, seemingly shaking the entire house. Lana peeked her head out from over the stair railing and started making her way over to Kata. "You get back in your room young lady," Ms. Adams screamed at Lana. "Your sister is being an awful little brat so don't you dare try to comfort her!" Lana looked down, shame plastered all over her face as she started making her way back up the flight of stairs like a dog with her tail tuck.

Before she reached the second floor, Lana made a motion for Kata to meet her in her room later, a motion that only the two sisters understood. They called it "Mother Code." Kata ignored her sister and ran up the stairs to her room, no longer able to keep her tears down. She sat on her bed, shaking, and trying to not let her mother get in her head, but it was so hard.

"Kata stop crying and get to work on something! You don't have time to waste after that test score."

Kata immediately silenced her cries and got out her computer. Her tears fell quietly, but occasionally a loud gasp came out and she would immediately cover her mouth then start crying harder for fear that her mother had heard. She began working, drowning herself in numbers, trying to bleach her brain of every coherent thought that didn't have to do with the equations in front of her.

~

11/1/16
Dear Sky,
I can never leave this place
I can never see the light
I can never open up
Or look at the bright stars above
"Have you ever felt like nobody was there?"
I wish I could be one of those stars
Out in the middle of nothing
I'd shine so bright and never make a mistake
Because I could never move or speak
All I would have to be is me
"Have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere?"
But me is the worst thing I can be
Me is the worst version of myself
I am nothing- just another thing to toss aside
But I know I deserve that
I can't be something that beautiful- ever
I'll just keep messing up
"Have you ever felt like you could disappear?"
I try so hard to be what they want
To be what I should
But not hard enough
When all I want to do is fly away and never return
So all you see is a speck in the distant night sky
"Like you could fall, and no one would hear?"
Yes.

***

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Please consider leaving a vote or comment if you liked this chapter!

If I portrayed emotional abuse from a parent inaccurately in any way please please tell me because I want to be as accurate and sensitive as I can!

Love,

Sunny