Today I decided that I wanted to put my thoughts to words and out there for people to read. My life has been very complicated over the years. I came across Wattpad a few years ago and started reading other peoples stories. Let me tell you there are some talented people out there. I just recently put the wattpad app on my new phone since I forgot my username and password from when I had it before. Anyway I wanted to get things out that cloud my brain. I come from a very dysfunctionanal family where I have one parent that is deceased that I was never close to except when I was little. I'm sorry dad that I'm such a failure. I have a stepfather and a mother that hate and despise me for whatever fucked up reason. I have 3 brothers that I never talk to so basically I have no one really. I mean I have friends but they live far away. I have my kids and my husband who are good to me and I'm thankful for that. I just to let people know that it sucks being lonely. Ugh it really frustrates me. Some days I want to crawl in a hole and die! Why does rejection and especially from your family hurt so much? Wtf did I ever do to them. Am I some kind of pathetic loser? Am I stupid and not worth their time? I don't get it. I shouldn't let it hurt me but deep down it still does. Like how does a parent reject a child like some kind of criminal or psychopath? I'm not crazy I can assure you on that. Yes I have emotional issues and get angry very easily but after you put yourself in my shoes you would feel the same. I just don't want to be sad and depressed as much as I am. I can't change the way my family feels about me but all I can say is its their loss. I have wonderful kids that drive me up the wall most days but they are mine and I love them very much. Little turds lol. I have a 6 year old son that's in kindergarten and just is a trip on what he says and does. They all do that. They make me laugh. My daughter is 4 and is an emotional roller coaster. Is this normal? Lol idk she gets me with that crying one second and the next she whines. My other son is 2 and crys and scream at the drop of a hat. Wtf is up with that? I mean why do they have to do that so much? Are they trying to kill me? Anyway this is my first of many entries. I will try my best to update each day. Some days are super busy and others not so much. Tell me how you all like this so far. Don't be afraid to comment. I don't bite..... Not hard anyway ;) lol suggestions on anything and everything are greatly appreciated. Try to be nice in comments I'm very sensitive and cry easily. I'm very friendly BTW and love making new friends. Ta Ta for now!!!