Dear Lost Love,

Bryan came home today and brought his friend with him. His name is Gabriel Tate and he’s the funniest guy I’ve ever met. He even made me laugh and my parents love him.

I can tell Melanie is kind of taken with him, even though he’s three years older than her. He’s in Bryan’s year, but he apparently skipped a grade in grade school. I forgot, to be honest.

He kind of reminded me of you. With all those pervy, little jokes that nobody, but dirty-minded people got. And those sly glances and that charismatic smile. It filled me with nostalgia looking at him because all I could see was you in my mind.

I heard Bryan talk to Gabriel an hour ago and he warned him off of Melanie and me, but especially me. Apparently, Gabriel is known to have been having flings since his prior girlfriend dumped him for her math tutor. Of course, he didn’t tell us this, but I made this conclusion by hearing bits of his conversation with Bryan.

My heart still hurts. I want it to stop, but it keeps throbbing with that steady pain. I want to just curl into bed and fall asleep, into dreamland where you’re still mine and Holly is just a distant memory. I don’t feel like eating much anymore, either and you know how much I love food.

Sometimes, looking at Holly, at her petite body, makes me feel like that you dumped me is because maybe you just didn’t like the way I look. It’s no secret that Holly is probably one of the prettiest girls in school, those classy, book smart type, but with an actual social life.

I remember once you told me you thought I wasn’t exciting enough because I don’t like to take risks. Like skipping school or cliff-diving and riding on the back of your cousin’s motorcycle while you drove. Does Holly do all those things with you?

I’m torturing myself, aren’t I? I should really stop, but I can’t.

Oh! I just remembered. You haven’t forgotten our first date, have you? It was probably one of the happiest days in my life. I remember you coming to my house, wearing that dark blue button-down shirt, looking handsome and perfect, with your hair styled neatly instead of the brown mess it usually is. You were holding one single orchid and I think I fell in love with you right because I never told you, but you knew that orchids were my favorite flower.

Then you took me out to dinner and dancing and it wasn't one of those clubs, but a classy restaurant. You wasted so much money on me that night. You told me a few months later that you had been saving up that money because you wanted to buy a new guitar. I felt so special,  but I wouldn't have minded going to McDonalds for our first date, as long as it was with you.

Well, Bryan is knocking on my door. Apparently everyone is going to watch a movie. I'm going to head down because this room feels to claustrophobic and certain, intimate memories that took place here keep popping up in my mind. I need to clear my head.

With much love,

Rachel