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"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back."

— Barbara De Angelis

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Dear Kim Taehyung,

I wasn't feeling well today.

I had a nightmare last night, about my mother dying and my father hitting me. I was scared.

Jisoo-unnie took control, though. She skipped school because she had a doctor's appointment. But because I was sick, she sent Lalisa and Chaeyoung to school, while she and I stayed home. Jisoo-unnie took care of me.

Eomma would love her, all of the members actually.

Well, Jisoo-unnie was in the kitchen, and I was thinking.

What if I was dead, along with my mother? I haven't seen my mother in twelve years, maybe if I'm dead, I can see her.

I don't want to be alive anymore. Life is so hard, all I want to do is cry every moment of my life.

My crush, you, bullies me, my father physically abuses me, and my mother is dead.

I contemplated.

Suicide.

I actually considered suicide.

Now that I think about it, I feel ashamed.

There were razors in the bathroom, knives in the kitchens. I could have done it.

But I didn't.

I thought about it. My life is miserable, but my eomma used to say, "Good things come to people who wait."

And as much as I want to see my mother, she would want me to live on.

Plus, who would control crazy Lalisa and chipmunk Rosé? Who would help Jisoo-unnie?

And I couldn't bear not to see you. Ever.

I guess that's life.

Love,
𝑱𝒆𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒆 ☾