Dear husband,

You asked me to quit my job. Why Sidharth? This wasn't decided how it was going to be like! You never really told me that I would have to quit my job if I get married to you! You never had a problem with it in these six years! What changed?

The fact that you got a promotion and now feel that me being a cafe attendent is not worthy to be your wife? Don't deny Sidharth, these were the words you meant. Your every words spilt this venom on my face. And know what, they wounded my heart and scarred my soul.

Where is my Sidharth who would say that no job is worth discrimination. Where is my Sidharth who never had a problem with me working at a cafe? I know the society might say that you are right in your decision. Like your parents said the same thing over the phone isn't it! That me working at a cafe would ruin the integrity of a man who is being selected as the director of Marketing. True they are. People might laugh over the concept of a director 's wife working at a cafe.

But Sidharth, i thought you were different. I know I have confessed the fact that I had fallen in love with you at the first sight, but my soul had fallen for the real you that I found and discovered after being with you for a while . Kaha kho gaye Sidharth. Woh badi badi baatein. Woh gyan. Koi kaam chota ya bada nahi hota, kaam kaam hota hai! Kaha gaye woh usool woh adarsh?

I feel this Sidharth around me these days is a stranger. A stranger whose principles and ethics are not synchrating with me. I feel suffocated, Sidharth. Dum ghut raha hai aajkal. That was not just a job for me. That was my identity. That was who I am. Or was rather . Now toh, I'm turning to be just your wife!

But Sidharth, I had always been independent. I had worked hard to sail through my life and sustain. You knew this right! Without parents, coming from an orphanage, it wasn't easy for me to fund my education.
You know I could have easily found a better job. But I owe a lot to Danny uncle and Lorie aunty. If they would not have supported me with a job at 16 I wouldn't have been able to sustain and survive. Kho jaati main is dunia ki bheer mei kahi. Padhi rehti koi andhere kone mei ek lachar ki tarha. They supported me when I had no one and I believe I need to support them back now that they don't have anyone. I don't think I can do this to them. I can't leave them at this sensitive time.

But again you left me helpless. Without a choice. without a fucking choice Sidharth and I am suffocating with the situation you've left me with. Kya karu Mai! Unhe chod nahi sakti. Tumhare bina jee nahi sakti, what the fuck should I do can you tell me that!

And if you keep aside every other justification, I love that place Sidharth. I love to work at the cafe. I love that cafe. Isn't this enough a reason for you to not let me go through this excruciating pain of choosing one between you two? Did I ever leave you with choices in life Sidharth? Then why me? Why are you doing this to me? Why do I have to choose between people and places that I love! Why cabt I have both like you are having them both!

The cafe has turned out to be like a family to me. A family Sidharth! Do you even understand the meaning of a family? A family where people have the back for each other . Family: where people don't provide the other with conditions. Family where the members promise to be there for the other no matter what circumstances arise .

I don't get this from you at all Sidharth! I feel like you are living a bachelor life within the roof of a marital world. I have no right to partake in your decisions. I have boundaries of your office life which I cannot cross. I have zero knowledge of the life you lead outside the premises of your home .

Home! Huh! Is it even worth it to call this a home now! I feel this is slowly turning out to be just a house of bricks and cement. The emotions are diffusion off that made this out home. The emotions, the feelings, me, you... We r slowly diffusing off Sidharth. We are.. and before you will realise things will just disappear. There is still time dear husband. Just take one step to being who you were and I will cover up the rest. Just one step Sidharth. I want my old Sidharth back. Just take one step and I will take the plunge again! I promise.

I will wait for that step of yours for as long as I can. That's a promise. I love you. I still do. And I just hope you love me too. Not just with words but through your emotions and actions as well.

Yours and only yours
Shehnaaz

P.S: Just to remind you, I'm not a product of Artificial Intelligence Sidharth. I hope you understand what I tried to imply.

***

Hello everyone. So here's another chapter of the story. Many have been asking me to show what Sidharth is going through. Well, I won't. This is a story of the grudges of a wife. I won't justify those grudges to be relevant and valid all the time, because no one is perfect in this world and neither this Shehnaaz is. I won't show Sidharth to be on the wrong pedestal as well. But this story is about a wife who could never raise her voice but decided to pour her heart out through letters that she would write to her husband and never gave him .

The letters won't be in a chronological form. But just scrambled bits and pieces from their life. Not complaining all the time as well. There will be good times too. But just a way to a wife's heart who was grieving. And he couldn't realise that. And when he did, the time was lost.

Now what happened to them, you will get to know that in the end. Acha hoga bura hoga, nahi bata sakti. Par kuch alag hoga ye zarur bol sakti hu.

Also who are expecting fairy tale sidnaaz from this one, here is the disclaimer, you can leave the story because I'm not going to change this for you at any cost. This is a reality again that I'll portray, and if you are ok with that please proceed.

Till the next chapter,
Ciao..

With love,
Sanu..