Dear Heartbreaker,

You expected that didn't you? That I would race straight to my roommate to gush about meeting you.  It's a typical girl response, something I'm sure you became accustomed to during high school. I hate to admit it but I did go talk to Janna about you...

but I stopped way before what would be considered 'gushing'.  I may have been slightly animated but I do have some pride and despite being hot and funny, you were still mostly a stranger and really, just a guy.

Ok, 'just a guy' would probably be a lie. Even though I had no idea I would soon be sinking into you, falling and deeper and deeper into love, I felt a spark of something. Maybe it was simple curiosity. Or perhaps my hormones were extra charged, fueled by the freedom of going away to college and able to make my own decisions without anyone 'on my back' about it. Whatever it was that day it hooked me and I was drawn to you like a moth to a flame. Not anticipating the burn but instead envisioning the heat and gazing longingly at the small bright fire, lighting up my world.

When I walked with Janna to the cafeteria that evening I had nothing but anticipation and curiosity to guide me.  I found you standing in front of the "meat station," the term I use loosely for what was considered to be either meat loaf or sloppy joes. Your forehead creased in concentration as you studied the aforementioned dinner options before sighting in disgust and opting for pasta with a salad and a coke.

I could have turned around and walked away before you caught sight of me standing hesitantly off to the side of the pasta station. It would have changed everything if I hadn't shown up that night because then we wouldn't have started to become friends and I would have simply faded into a brief memory of a moment during college when you met the funny girl in the tie-dyed t-shirt. 

There would have been no pain, no betrayal, no love, and especially, no memories.

But I didn't turn around and discreetly disappear through the crowd. Instead, you caught me staring and grinned.  It was if you could suffer through five tons of disgusting food if only it gave you the excuse to hang out with me. 

We talked and joked with our roommates before getting separated when leaving the cafeteria. 

Did you wonder if you would ever see me again? Did you wait for me, to see if you could find me in the mass of students consuming campus?

I waited with Janna at my side.  For half an hour we watched the double doors open and close but you never came out the way I had exited. By the time we finally realized you had taken the opposite stairway you were gone and I was left wondering if I would ever see you again or if this was fate's way of saying you weren't interested in me. 

You never asked for my number and I never offered. 

For me, I struggled to put into words my thoughts and emotions and when it came time to be brave I let the opportunity slip by me, like sand in an hourglass. Have you ever studied an hour glass before? It's beautiful to watch the sand illuminate how time is a continuous stream of past, present and future moments. 
You can't separate time as it's intangible, not meant to be manipulated or controlled. Time is meant to be free and it's s constant in an ever shifting world full of uncertainty. 

But, there is an aching feeling left for the point when all the sand has sifted through and time has run out.  For all good things, precious moments, must end in order that new moments can begin and flourish. 

For us dear Heartbreaker, I thought our sand had run out. That our moment in the vastness of time and space, had finally run its course.  So I walked away with a determination to forget you unless fate intervened. 

Yours not so truly,

Elise