Guys this is like really sad and angsty and depressing and self-harming and these-boys-need-help-ing so proceed with like 20 ounces of anti-depressants and caution.

Evan's POV

Wow... that is some big tree, I thought to myself, almost dropping the trash bag I was holding. I was sent out this morning to pick up some trash around the park, and boy, was there a lot of trash. But there was also a lot of trees.

The one I was standing before now was at least 40 feet, with like a billion branches dangling off the sides. Super climb-able.

I know I got specific orders from the head ranger to not climb trees, and so far, I'd like to think I'm doing a decent job. But how can I not climb this?

I set my half empty bag of trash on the leafy ground and found the first foothold on the tree, and started climbing from there.

I love trees. They've always given me a sense of a peace, which is one of the reasons I decided to work as an park ranger at Ellison Park this summer. So far, the job was going great. It was a nice distraction from this disaster I like to call life.

Life is.. well... terrible. I haven't been in contact with anyone but my mom for the past two months. Every here and there I'd try to start a conversation with Jared or, hell, maybe even my dad, but they always say they're busy. And I choose to believe it.

My mom's never home. Well, not until I'm in the shower about to go to bed. I'd get dressed, walk into the hallway, say "Hey mom, 'night mom." and then go to sleep. On her off days, (which are super rare), she'd try to take me out for tacos or maybe even breakfast, but usually she'd cancel it last minute. Instead, she'd take up an extra shift for a sick co-worker or something. It sucks.

No one really cares about me, and at this point, I'm starting to think the trees love me more than my own parents. At least they're always there when I need them.

Heck, I don't even care about myself.

It's not like I can just go into the midst of people and make friends. That's not really how it works. Ever. I remember once my family went to the pool, and all these kids called me a dork for just saying hi to some stranger. I'm sorry, but swimming by yourself is no fun.

I continued to climb the tree, these thoughts still in my mind. Do you think anyone would care if I disappeared?

Yeah, maybe the trees.

Maybe today was a good day to end it. It was sunny and cool. Perfect, really. If I was gonna go, maybe today was the day.

I got my last paycheck yesterday, anyway.

Five yards or so from the top of the tree, I saw some leaves bristle from above me. Odd, since it wasn't relatively windy.

I climbed a couple more branches before I started hearing mumbling. Maybe I wasn't the only one in the tree.

I poked my head in between to leaves as an effort to get a better view. A few branches above me, I saw feet. Yep, definitely wasn't here alone.

"Hey!" I shouted, trying to get this dude's attention. "You know this tree is off l-limits? I work here soo..."

The voice that returned was stuffy and shallow, as if its owner had been crying for a while. "Then why the fuck are you climbing it?"

I ignored the question and continued to climb, looking for the source of the voice. On the second to last branch, where everything was extremely unstable, I found it.

"Jared?" I said, surprised.

"Fuck." Jared cursed under his breath, but I heard it.

"Y-you really should get down-"

"No... Evan." He said, jerking his head to look at me, before looking back down at his lap, "I'm good."

I smiled sadly to myself. Out of the small number of people in my life, Jared definitely meant the most to me. We've known each other since we were three, and when you have a connection for that long, it's kind of hard to break. Even if you get picked on and teased by that person.

Jared means more to me than he knows. Over the last few years, I've fallen for him more and more. His smile, his laugh, his jokes, his stance... it's all just so perfect!

Even now, seeing him sad in a tree, I can't help but feel butterflies in my stomach and chili peppers in my cheeks.

Despite the top of the tree being unstable, I still climb forward and sat beside Jared. He pushed me a little farther away from him, but I didn't mind. Sometimes people need space.

"Whatever you're thinking-" I started, but Jared cut me off.

"I don't wanna fucking talk, Hansen."

I exhaled sadly. I knew Jared, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to make him feel better unless he wanted to feel better. He was gonna need time.

To my surprise, though, Jared continued talking. "You should leave." He said, "The action will be way more satisfying from the bottom. They'll be more blood, too."

"Wha-" I started, before realizing what he was implying and being struck with tears. "Jared no!"

"Evan NO!" He yelled, tears pricking at his eyes too. "I'm NOT gonna let anyone talk me out of it this time!"

My voice came out as barley a whisper, "This time?"

"Shit." Jared mumbled, standing up.

Before he could make another move, I latched my hands around his ankle.

"Evan let me just get this over with!" He continued to yell, his entire face glossy at this point. "Close you're eyes and pretend I was never here to begin with or something! JUST LET GO!"

"If you're falling, I'm falling with you." I whispered, but loud enough he could hear it.

Jared's face softened up. "A-asshole..." He mumbled, before giving up and sitting back down beside me. "You don't deserve to die..."

"And you do?"

His tone was angry again, but tears of what seemed like sadness were streaming down his face. "It's not like I'm anyone special! Nothing good can come out of my life! No one has acknowledged my existence all summer, and I know when I get back to school, everyone's just gonna tell me TO KILL MYSELF! Why not just get it FUCKING OVER WITH?"

I stayed silent for a second, before saying, "You're someone special to me..."

"Yeah righ-"

I kept my tone soft, but to the point, "Don't even give my that sarcastic crap, Jared, because it really is true."

Jared lifted his face up to look at me. His eyes were foggy and his cheeks were bright red from all the crying.

I continued, my voice starting to falter as a result of my own tears. "You are so special special to me. More than you know."

" What... What are you, saying? "

"Those messages I s-sent you over the summer? I live to see if you'll respond. If y-you weren't here right now, I wouldn't be here either." I didn't mention that that was literal. If Jared didn't climb the tree intent on killing himself today, I'd be dead by now. Or just have a broken arm or something. "If you didn't mean a-anything to me, why would I hang around y-you so... often? Why would I..." I swallowed some tears. I had to keep it together, "meet you at your locker after every class if I thought everything you said was useless?"

Jared stared at me in silence. A long silence. I didn't know what to say, and he didn't know how to respond.

I stared back, taking this opportunity to soak in all of his features and emotions.

He was really hurting, I could feel it. I think I may have helped though. Maybe just a little.

He exhaled and broke my gaze, looking back at his lap. "I-" He said, before stopping himself and swallowing his words.

"It's ok." I said. "You don't have to talk if you don't want to."

"No I- I do." He said, barley audible over tears.

I put my hand on his, resulting in what felt like a bolt of electricity flying up my arm. I probably could've screamed, but I didn't. It definitely was not the time for fanboy-y shrieks.

"I-" Jared started again, looking up at my face. "I love you, t-too."

I sent him a small smile and squeezed his hand. On the inside, obviously I was doing somersaults, but, again, not really the moment to show that.

"See you later."

"Wha-" Before I could finish, Jared yanked his hand out from under mine and pushed himself off the branch.

--

That moment when you really wanna do a POV switch to make it seem less angsty but like you're kinda against switching POVs.

I'm sad.
I am crying.
Why did i do this to myself?

Published: 9/1/19
Word Count: 1541