TRIGGER WARNING: homophobia, self harm and suicide. au in which connor moves across from evan as a child

    Age 8

     "Hi! I'm Evan Hansen. I live in that blue house right there!" A small boy with scruffy blonde hair pointed to his house while holding out a hand to a boy a little taller than him.

     "I'm Connor Murphy. We just moved across the street from you! We can hang out like- everyday!" Connor had a huge grin with a missing tooth, shaking Evan's hand wildly. The boys smiled stupidly at each other, Connor running after Evan into his big back yard filled with trees. There was a giant treehouse in one of the oak's in his yard, and Connor's mouth dropped.

     "Is that a treehouse?!"

     "Yup! I helped my dad build it." Evan stood proudly, an awkward frown on his face as he remembered his father.

     "You're like, the coolest person I've ever met! We have to be best friends!" 

     "Wanna go hang out in it?"

     "Yes!" And with that the boy's scurried up the rickety ladder and talked for hours about nothing. Evan spent months of his eight year old life trying to braid Connor's hair, but making a mess every time and leaving the pair in a fit of laughter. 

       Connor would come home to the dinner table and go on and on about all of his adventures with Evan, and Zoe always sat in awe of her older brother.

     "I wanna marry Evan one day!" The boy blurted out at the table one day. He wasn't aware of what it could really mean, he just knew he loved Evan and that was enough to marry him. Larry, his father, slammed his fists down on the table and looked harshly to Cynthia.

     "I told you, letting him grow out his hair turned him into a pansy!"

     "He doesn't even know what it means, Larry! They're just kids!" Shaking his head, Larry got up and left. Connor looked confused, his mother holding her head in her hands hopeless while he managed to sneak away from the house. He ran across the street to Evan's house, knocking on the door. 

     "Well, hello Connor! Would you like me to get Ev-" His mother, Heidi, couldn't even finish her sentence as Evan rushed out the door. He smiled at Connor, grabbing his hand as the boys ran to the treehouse together.

     "I said I wanted to marry you and my dad got all mad at me..."

     "That makes no sense! If two people love each other, they should be allowed to love each other! We... We love each other, right?"

      "Of course! It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks." Connor said quite matter-of-factly, smiling brightly to Evan and watching the boy blush a little back at him. They sat talking about trees for the rest of the night, eventually falling asleep on top of one another.

     Age 14

     Connor seemed more distant. The boys didn't see as much of each other as they did in their innocent child hood years, but they still found time to hang out. Connor was starting to become depressed, and Evan had always struggled with anxiety. The boys sat in silence together a lot, but if one spoke they would talk for a long time to each other on deep topics. Neither had managed to get into a relationship for all of their middle school years, they were always invested in other things.

     "Evan?"

      "Yeah?"

     "I think... I know I'm gay. I'm gay. I like guys." Connor said with a gulp, avoiding Evan's look.

     "Cool... I don't think I'm that straight either... But I still like girls?"

     "Maybe your bisexual, or pan, or poly. But don't let me assign anything to you, you have all the time you want to figure it out." A blushing mess, Connor couldn't contain his real excitement. He had been pining over Evan for awhile, realizing his crush on him when he was about 12 or so. He thought he didn't have a chance with Evan being straight, but now he had a little hope. Their finger tips touched each other, causing both boys to blush.

     "I failed my english presentation... I can't get the words out right. My papers are fine but... I just can't talk in front of people! How lame is that?" Evan added in a little chuckle, changing the topic but shaking his head disappointed at himself.

     "I've read your papers... They're really good! Who gives a fuck if you can talk, I don't care. I'm more lame, I don't have any friends!" Connor said with a smirk, lying his head in Evan's lap as they sat up in the treehouse.

     "Y-You have me... And I love you, Con." There was a pause, both boys confused at what that meant to that. Connor just cleared his throat, taking Evan's hand in his own and closing his eyes.

     "Love you too, Evan." They sat in silence afterwards, Evan finally managing to put a decent braid in Connor's hair.

      Age 16

     Loud shouting followed by a door slamming. Evan sat in his room on a summer night with the window open, hearing heavy footsteps run into his yard and up the shaky ladder. He threw his sketchbook to the ground, rushing out to climb up after Connor.

     "He said... He said he would rather not have a son than have a gay one! Evan, he would rather me dead..." Connor choked on his words, collapsing into Evan's gentle embrace as both boys cried together.

     "That's not okay! I will go over there and yell at him too. No one speaks to you like that..." Evan stated defensively, hugging Connor tightly. He felt the long haired boys tears splash onto his shirt, taking his face in his hands and wiping his tears.

       "No... I don't want him to hurt you either. L-Let's just stay here, together, for forever..." Evan nodded in agreement, the boys staring into each others eyes for a long moment. Connor wanted to reach out and kiss him, and feel safe and loved in that moment more than anything. What surprised him most was when Evan reached out and took his face in his hand, leaning in to kiss him. Their lips connected, both blushing madly. They pulled away, smiling crazily as they laughed quietly.

     "Larry wouldn't have approved of that." Connor said as he kissed Evan again for a moment.

      "Fuck him. Not literally- But like, I hate him."

     "I hate him, but I hate me more." Frowning, Evan moved closer to Connor. He took his hand in his own, squeezing it a little.

     "I started antidepressants... They're kinda like your anxiety pills, but different. It makes me feel worse. I... did it again last night. It didn't really hurt or anything but-" Evan was pulling up Connor's sweatshirt sleeve as he talked, causing him to pause. He ran his thumb over the new scars, bringing them up to his wrist and kissing each one of them. Connor started tearing up again, hiding his face in Evan's hair.

     "Please... Try not to do anymore. I love you." Evan whispered, and they sat quietly together. Eventually, Evan fell asleep and Connor took the responsibility to carry him back to his room. He laid him down on his bed, lying down next to him and throwing his arm lazily over his stomach. Evan smiled, cuddling closer to Connor as they both drifted asleep.

     Age 17

     "He... He did what?"

      "Connor tried to take his life last night. He's in his room... The only person he said he would see is you." Evan nodded and ran up to Connor's room, hearing muffled sobs and silent screams. He pushed open the door, rushing to his boyfriends side as he cried. He wrapped his arms around him tight, rocking him back and fourth.

     "Connor... Connor please... Never again... I can't do this alone! Fuck Connor... I love you so fucking much..." Evan sobbed into Connor's cold shoulder, feeling the taller boy shudder under him.

      "It's not worth it. Larry tried to hit me... And that was enough. He... He said something about you! He's not allowed to do that. I... I almost punched him. Zoe... Zoe was watching it all and I screamed at her. Evan, I'm such a horrible person... I think my parents are going to divorce because of me... Hah..." Evan noticed the rope burn marks on Connor's neck, softly kissing the marks.

     "He can say whatever he wants to me, I don't mind. All I care is that you're safe... Connor, if you died... I don't know what I would do. Please... Please never... Never do it again..." Evan was begging in whimpers, Connor finally turning around to meet Evan's glance. He had a long scar down his face, probably from himself, but he kissed Evan through his tears.

      "We're going to get you real help... A good therapist and I'm gonna be with you the whole journey, okay? Okay?"

      "I love you, Ev." That was all Connor could say before choking on his words again, and the couple deciding to go quiet once more and fill the silence with sobs and wet kisses. They stayed in each other's arms the whole day, and when the sun went down Evan stole Connor away from his home and they spent the night in the beloved treehouse. The next morning, Connor had an awkward smile on his face as Evan woke up in his arms.

      "Hey... I have something for you."

        "Connor you don't have to-"

       "I love you... And I want to... Spend my life with you, but we're seventeen... So I found these rings, promise rings... Evan Hansen, will you promise to be mine?" He fumbled in his pocket and pulled out two fake silver rings with little leaves on them, an oak leaf for Evan and a maple for Connor. Evan was on the verge of tears, nodding his head wildly to Connor.

     "Yes, oh my fuck yes. Just... Promise me to never try to leave this world again."

      "As long as you're by my side, I promise." They pulled together again to kiss, smiling as they simply enjoyed one another's company.

     Age 20

     Evan and Connor were cuddled on a shitty mattress in their college dorm, both boys deeming it irresponsible and dangerous to leave each other for their college years. Simply put, Connor needed Evan to help his grades from dropping and from constant depression moments and Evan needed Connor's support and honestly, both boys couldn't imagine life without the other. They giggled over nothing, their legs entangled and their foreheads resting against each other. Connor stole quick kisses from Evan while the smaller boy took long kisses from the other, dragging them out to as long as they could without breathing. Evan had his hand on Connor's warm chest while Connor rested his hand over Evan's back. 

     "I love it here, without Larry. Only us." Connor murmured, kissing Evan's forehead while smiling brightly. Evan melted at his boyfriend being so happy, delighted to see him really smile.

      "I'm happy you feel safe. We're gonna make it through this together. And then we're gonna go off and get married and have a yard full of trees. We can live together in a treehouse like the one I used to have in my yard!" The treehouse had been torn down after it started breaking apart, both the boys had been sad to see it go but the memories it held stayed with them forever. They both still wore their promise rings, and Connor would wake Evan up by kissing it on his finger every morning. 

     "Of course. Also, a dog is a definite." Evan smiled and started braiding Connor's hair lazily. He managed to get it almost perfect, the practice from many years previous having paid off. Until classes the next morning, the boys found it perfectly suitable to spend the whole day cuddling and browsing for small trees online.

     Age 28

     "I do." Connor said, establishing his marriage between him and Evan. They kissed, earning a loud applause and a holler from Zoe. They smiled like they did when the first met as they pulled apart. At their reception, a slightly tipsy Evan and Connor called attention to go over their vows less formally.

     "I remember when me and Con first met... He had this huge ass grin on his face and he told me after like, a few weeks, that he wanted to marry me. I didn't think it would ever go this far... But I fucking love Connor Murphy and we're gonna go have really good sex-"

      "I didn't always have the full support on me and Evan getting married, but that didn't stop me. I love this guy, and he's saved me in a handful of different ways. I don't care what anyone thinks... And he's always there to cheer me up... And we're going to go fuck so-" After Connor cut Evan off, Evan cut Connor off with a kiss. They stumbled off the make shift stage and the music blasted again. As the guests filed out, Connor noticed for a second that Larry was standing at the back. He smiled to Connor, flashing him a thumbs up as he left after Cynthia. Connor's mouth fell agape, Evan smiling wildly to Connor.

     "We're okay."

      "Yeah... Let's go..." Connor tried to shake it off, grabbing Evan's hand and running out the door. They both laughed as they stumbled drunkly to their small house and stayed up deep into the night. 

      Collapsing in a panting mess, they both managed to smile at each other. Their hands locked together, kissing one last time.

      "I kept my promise."

       "I kept mine too... I'm still here, and I still love you for forever."

        "I love you too, Con."

//

a.n: woAh this is the longest one shot i've ever wrote i hope you enjoy !!!