20:31, 26/05/2003

Dear Diary,

I can't sleep.

Everything is going to shambles.

Is this what innocence means? Is innocence nothing but a fleeting brush, sugar-coated words dripping from a honeyed tongue? Is innocence nothing but cruelty?

If that is what innocence means, then I don't want innocence. I'd rather be pushed into this unforgiving world, than be handed false hope. I'd rather face the reality of life right from the very start than to have my happiness ripped away from me.

It hurts, so much.

I don't want this life, I don't want this pain. If living means feeling like I'm constantly having swords stabbed through my heart, then I don't want to live.

In all those fairytales, the princesses were always misunderstood beauties, with princes to sweep them off their feets to better futures. The one thing that all of them had?

A happy ending.

That's all I've ever wanted, really. A happy ending. An ending where Mama and Papa and I can live together happily, and go for picnics everyday. An ending where Kris is still my best friend, and we go to each others' houses daily.

An ending that doesn't end in tears.

I guess you could say that I've been looking at the world through rose-tinted glasses.

Well, now those glasses are off.

Love,

Angel