11/4/15

Dear diary,

Crap.

I think I really do have a crush on Jongdae.

I wouldn't usually see Jongdae today, a Wednesday, since I literally saw him yesterday for our two classes together. But, he randomly texted me this morning, right before my first class, that he was bored out of his mind and was wondering what I was doing. When I told him I was just waiting for my English class to start, right outside the classroom, he said he was coming over. Before I knew it, he appeared right out of no where and kept me company for the rest of my free time.

But, I noticed, JUST TODAY, that every time he smiles, my stomach fucking flips. I couldn't help but return the smile, because I actually really fucking love that smile. That happy smile when he's laughing and his eyes seem to be smiling with him. And, my god, his laughter was contagious. Even if he was the one telling the hilarious story, he would stifle in laughter to try to finish and it's so cute. He's trying so hard. 

And it gives me a warm feeling every time, but it was NOW I noticed how much I adored it and how much I adored our times together.

It's starting to drive me insane. 

He has a girlfriend. 

I only met him a month ago. (Was that even enough time to feel something this strong for a person?)

But you know what made things worst?

Just before he left just as my first class was about to start, he told me that I looked cute today, that he had wanted to tell me that the moment he saw me but decided to wait for the perfect time. Why did he have to tell me that? I bet he saw how red my cheeks flushed over the sudden compliment before I entered my class. 

Sure, there would be days when Jongin or Kyungsoo or any other of my friends would tell me that I looked good that day. But, it's so much different with Jongdae. My heart god damn fluttered. 

He wouldn't like me too, would he? 

This has got to be a phase. I'm hanging out too much with him and I'm mistaking this as a crush... right?