"Soobin? What are you doing? Why are you drunk?"

He runs his fingers through his hair and lets out a big breath.

"I'm not that drunk." He assures "I just drank a little to ease my mind."

I cross my arms over my chest, glaring at him.

"Just a little?"

He nods.

I unfold my arms, grabbing his with my hand and dragging him inside the house, slamming the door shut behind my back. I release the grip, he looks at me confused.

"What?"

"Walk."

"I'm okay." He insists, and I'm just about to lose it.

"Then walk!" I shout. He rolls his eyes, walking to the other corner of the room. He can't stand straight, so he's walking unbalanced. He turns his body and looks at me, shrugging. I run my palm over my face, letting out a sigh filled with annoyance. "You're absolutely drunk." I say, walking towards him and pushing him slightly to sit on the couch. He lifts his hand, placing the bottle against his lips and taking a gulp.

"Maybe I just needed it." He shrugs, nonchalantly.

"You needed it?!" I ask raising my voice. He looks at me, probably shocked. "How can you need to get your ass drunk at 19? You're not even allowed to drink! Where on earth did you find that bottle of Soju?" I ask exasperated, pointing at the bottle that rests on his lap with my hand. He looks down at it, and then looks at me again.

"Yeonjun hyung"

I raise an eyebrow.

"Yeonjun gave it to you?"

He shakes his head.

"No. I grabbed it from the counter."

I let out a sarcastic laugh.

"So not only you're drunk and left his house without telling him, leaving him completely worried by the way, but also stole alcohol from his house?! I scold him, with my hands on my hips.

He sighs.

"He won't be mad at me." He assures. "You don't understand."

"I don't understand? What do you want me to understand anyways? That you're about to fuck up yourself for whatever the stupid reason is?"

He frowns, glaring at me.

"I'm not going to fuck anything up, and my reasons aren't stupid." He takes another gulp, scrunching his face at the burning sensation on his throat. "I just need to stop thinking for a while."

I can feel my blood boiling at this point. This doesn't seem Soobin at all, but just a hard headed boy who doesn't know how to deal with his own problems and is looking for the easiest relief.

"So? Do you plan on getting drunk whenever you have problems? This isn't the solution Soobin. This is how everything gets even worse, this is how alcoholic people start"

He rolls his eyes.

"I'm not alcoholic, y/n. This is my first time, just chill."

"Give me the bottle."

He shakes his head.

"No."

"I said give me the fucking bottle, you're not fucking yourself up in front of me." I repeat, angrier as the time passes.

"I said no!" He shouts, his voice thick and deep. "I'm an adult, you won't tell me what to do!"

"You're at my house!" I yell back, he stands up.

"Then I'll leave!"

He starts to walk, but I grab the bottle and smash it against the wall, liquid spilling all over the floor and the carpet, the smell of alcohol filling the room. The loud sound of the glass breaking and falling everywhere makes him flinch, looking at me with wide eyes and a shocked expression.

But I'm not having it. He could ask me to do whatever, but I won't let him do this to himself.

"You're not fucking doing this!" I yell, not even caring about the mess I just made behind me. My breath gets heavier, and my hands shake because of how mad I am at the moment. "It's enough, you're being stupid and I'm not letting you ruin your life being so young, Soobin!" I yell again, he doesn't respond. He stands still frozen at what I did moments ago.

I click my tongue and grab him by the arm, taking him to the kitchen. He takes a seat in front of the dining table, and I decide to make him a coffee to help him sober up a little.

The silence filling the room helps me to calm myself. When his cup is ready, I turn and place it in front of him. He looks at it, tracing the holder with his fingertips as I sit in front of him.

"Be careful, it's hot." I warn, looking at him, but he doesn't look back at me, he keeps looking down.

He nods his head, blowing the coffee and taking sips, then sighs and looks at me.

"I'm sorry." He mutters, finally looking up and locking eyes with me.

Even when I know he's still drunk and how mad I am at him, my feelings doesn't change. Any time I look in his eyes, my stomach would flip and butterflies would storm inside me. I let out a soft breath, and then smile at him warmly.

"It's okay." I whisper. "Just don't do this again"

He gives me a small smile, looking at me, and then starts to chuckle, which makes me chuckle too.

"I can't believe I just brought my drunk ass to your house. You were really scary back there"

"You're lucky I'm a good friend and I didn't break the bottle in your head." I tease, he keeps chuckling. His eyes close almost completely and his laugh is the cutest sound I could hear. I stare at him and admire all of his beautiful features , resting my cheek in the palm of my hand, my heart flutters and my chest tightens. He looks so innocent and gorgeous even in this state. How can he be so cute?

Ugh, I'm so in love with you.

He finishes his coffee and we head to the hall. I plop on the couch and he does the same next to me. He starts rubbing his eyes with his hands, I look at him and then he turns his head, looking back at me.

"I'm still hella drunk." He giggles.

"Yeah I can see."

He moves his body and lays on his back with his head on my lap. My cheeks flush instantly at his warmth against my legs, as I look down at him.

"I know you're mad at me, but can you please stroke my hair?"

I hesitate, but thanks to the way he looks at me, I can't refuse.

I nervously move my hand and place it over his head, digging my fingers on his soft locks and running them through it, brushing his locks off his forehead. He hums contently, closing his eyes.

My heart won't stop racing, beating hardly against my chest. Even though he's drunk, it seems like he forgot about the kiss. He's acting as if nothing happened, and that hurts me.

"y/n?"

"Hmm?"

"You're always so good to me." He grabs my free hand and holds it between his, making me feel like my skin is burning at his touch. "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me."

His hold on my hand tightens.

"I do." He says, not opening his eyes. "No one has done something like this for me, and I'm pretty sure no one would either. I didn't even think, my feet just dragged me and when I noticed I was in your doorway. Somehow deep down I knew you wouldn't turn your back on me."

"Because I care about you."

"You're a great girl, I always feel comfortable and safe around you. No wonder why your friend got jealous."

I frown.

"What? Who?"

He lets out a husky chuckle.

"The one who was with you this morning." He says "What was his name?"

"Jihoon?"

"Yeah, Jihoon." He responds chuckling. "He was so pissed off when I asked you to go with me."

"What? No, I don't think he did." I assure, confused at his words. "We're just friends."

He opens his eyes and looks at me quickly, a smile plastered on his face before he shuts them again.

"He obviously likes you." He giggles again, lifting his hand and scratching his cheek softly before lowering again where he's holding mine. "I'm sure he's actually in love with you, you can smell it from the distance."

His words make me feel uneasy. What is he saying?

"And you're drunk, so you don't know what you're saying" I say, rolling my eyes. He clicks his tongue.

"I may be drunk, but I know what I'm saying okay?" He protests, frowning even though his eyes are still closed. "He likes you and got annoyed because I was with you. I can't blame him, though. Maybe you should give him a chance."

"Why?"

"Cause you're a pretty girl, and you're kind and warm." He says, making my stomach flip all over again. "He wants you all to himself."

"Um..."

"But you like me, don't you?"

I freeze on the spot, my eyes widening and my heart going all the way up to my throat. I feel cold sweat behind my neck, and I instantly stop stroking his hair. However, he doesn't seem to notice.

"W-What?"

He sighs.

"You like me, it has to be. No one would do the things you do for me if they didn't have feelings for the other person." He explains, and I already feel a lump forming on my throat. "You're always there to pick me up, you cried with me, and even now that I'm all drunk and stupid you're still here. If that isn't love, I don't know what it is."

I don't say anything, I'm still processing his words and the fact that it seems I've been too obvious. However, I don't have the courage to excuse myself, but I feel like I just stopped breathing.

This can't be happening.

"Not even Gyuri did something like this when we were together, and I'm not even worth it. Maybe I should've met you way before, and I would've fallen for you instead." He says. Tears start to build in my eyes, his head still on my lap and releasing the grip on my hand. "Maybe with you it would've been different. I could've loved you, and I'm sure my feelings would've been valued." He explains, his voice lowering. "But I saw her and I completely lost my mind. She was so beautiful, so perfect, I felt my heart jumping against my chest whenever she was near. And when we kissed for the first time, I was the happiest person alive. It felt like my brain stopped working and it could've even exploded. I knew I had to have her, and I still don't know how I got her. I believed I was the luckiest guy in the world and honestly I would've taken her anywhere. I sacrificed myself and my own heart for her, just to be replaced easily. I don't want to risk anything like this again and the worst part of it, is that I think if she asked me to go back to her, I'd go running."

I bite my lip trying to hold back my tears. I can't even dare to look down at him, and I'm glad he isn't looking at me either.

"I guess things change. I've been so in love with her I even doubt I could feel the same way again. That's why I'm sorry, y/n. If things were different, I would love you back, cause I like you, you're beautiful and sweet with me, and that's why I kissed you... Then I realized what I had done, and I knew I was about to hurt you, so I ran away. I wasn't thinking straight when I did it, I just felt the urge when I saw you there being so warm and fragile taking care of me. I know how you feel, but I just can't. I can't love again, I don't want to. I can't hurt you or me like that. It wouldn't work and you deserve someone who isn't scared to give you all his love. Unfortunately, that isn't me." He says, not opening his eyes, his words sound a little tangled, which proves he's still really drink and that's probably why he's opening up this much.

I close my eyes hardly. Tears start streaming down my cheeks, my lips quiver and I do my best to contain my sobs. I never thought I could feel so broken and hurt by just words. He keeps talking, these stupid words keep falling from his mouth and every single one of them stabs me straight through the heart. He's drunk and that's why he's just saying everything he feels, and the worst part of it is that he won't remember it tomorrow.

But I will remember this forever.

"I'm glad at least you're my friend." He mutters. I can feel his body relaxing as he falls asleep, his breathing steady and his lips slightly parted. He looks so peaceful and beautiful I can't help but sob even more, covering my mouth with my hand so it doesn't sound too loud to wake him up.

I take adventage of him being passed out, to just let my feelings out. I cry, my cheeks are damped as my trembling hands move to his head and brush his bangs away. I caress his hair lovingly, my heart pounding and hurting like it never did before. He said it all, he said he wouldn't love me.

Maybe it's time for me to shake this feelings off.

I sniffle, leaning down and placing a long lasting peck on his forehead, something I wouldn't be able to do if he was awake. I caress his face with the back of my hand, slightly touching the soft skin of his cheeks as light snores leave his lips. Those pretty, pillowy pink lips I can't seem to forget. I only kissed him once, and his taste still lingers on my lips.

I wish I could've kissed you longer.

I love you so much, my love. I love you and only you. And I need you, I need you so bad. I need you to see me, I need you to talk about me the way you talk about her. I just wanted to give the world to you, to show you what true love means... But you... Ugh you dumb boy... You just closed the door for me. Why would you hurt me like this? Why are you saying all of this? You make it hard for breathing, being so kind, so perfect. Nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you. I'd do anything for you, even if that means setting you free and leave my love for you behind.

I finally stand up, placing a cushion under his head so he can stay asleep. I wipe my tears with the back of my hand and let out a big breath as I stare at him, the stinging pain still all over my chest, I literally feel like my heart has been ripped off my chest. It's bleeding and the worst part of it, it's that even when it hurts, I'm not done yet falling for him. Such an idiot I am, but my love keeps growing.

I turn around and start picking up the broken glass from the bottle, cleaning up the mess I made before. I accidentally cut the palm of my hand with a piece of broken glass, and I whine silently, rushing to the bathroom and running the water on the sink, sumergin my hand and adding pressure with a towel, trying to stop the bleeding. I groan in frustration, but after a while I manage to bandage my wound and keep cleaning the room. I take a comforter and cover Soobin with it, so he won't be cold. A couple of tears keep running down my face as I make my way upstairs. I grab my phone and call Yeonjun.

"y/n? Is everything okay?"

I sigh.

"Yeah, he fell asleep."

"I'm so sorry, he shouldn't be there."

"Don't worry Yeonjunie, you know I wouldn't turn my back on you or him."

He sighs.

"Thank you."

I sniffle.

"It's nothing."

"Are you crying? Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"

Oh yeah, he did.

"No, I just got a cold." I assure, faking a chuckle.

"I see, I hope you get better. Please kick him out in the morning and send him to my place."

"Okay, goodnight."

"Goodnight, y/n."

I hang up and throw my phone on my nightstand, plopping on the bed and curling up in a ball, hugging my pillow. His words still echoing in my head as I remember the day he kissed me. I feel farther than ever from him, even though he's sleeping soundly downstairs... He just built a wall between us.

I cry, cry and cry as much as I need.

So I can let go.