Leaving Kiyooung at home, I quickly take a taxi to go to Soobin's place. After telling the address to the taxi driver, I stare at the window and let my mind drift away the whole ride.

My heart feels heavy and my mind is full of questions, but the worst part is how upset I'm already feeling at the thought of him crying again because of her. I don't know what happened this time, but I'm scared of what I'm about to witness, because I know how much it affects me when he cries.

The car parks in front of the big house. I hand the money to the driver and get out of the car. I gulp, taking a deep breath and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear as I walk towards the wooden door. Knocking a couple of times, it doesn't take long until Yeonjun greets me with an apologetical smile on his face.

"Hey." I smile. He smiles back at me and wraps me in a friendly hug, patting my back gently.

"I'm sorry for this again." He apologizes. "I really didin't know what else to do." He adds when he pulls back, rubbing the back of his head.

I sigh.

"It's okay." I respond. He moves aside and lets me in, following behind me and closing the door. I turn my body and face him. "Is it really that bad?"

He nods.

"Wanna see?"

"Yes."

Yeonjun gestures me to follow him and that's what I do. We walk upstairs and reach one of the white wooden doors at the end of the hallway. We stand there silently, until he lifts his hand and knocks on the door.

"Soobin." He calls with his face close to the door so he can be heard. "Please, just open the door, let's talk."

"Hyung, please stop." We hear him yell from the other side of the door "I don't want to talk or see anyone."

His voice is cracking and it's more than obvious that he's been crying. My heart aches instantly, how much does he have to be hurting to lock himself inside his room like this?

Yeonjun turns and looks at me, concern filling his whole face.

"How am I supposed to get inside if it's locked?" I ask, starting to feel the frustration taking over me. Yeonjun slides his hand inside his pocket, pulling some keys out and inserting them in the door lock.

I knit my brows together as he stares at me, waiting to open it for me.

"This is how you will get inside."

"But if you had the keys all this time, why didn't you just open and get inside?"

He shakes his head.

"He would get mad at me and kick me out, but he will never do that to you."

"How do you know that?" I ask, feeling the nervousness in the pitch of my stomach at the thought. He smiles, placing his hand on my head.

"I just know it." He assures "Now get inside."

Without another word, he unlocks the door and opens it for me, pushing me slightly until I enter the room and closes the door behind my back. I feel a knot on my throat, the room is dark and the only light that can be seen is the natural sunlight through the windows.

"I said I didn't want to see anyone!" He raises his voice, sounding heartbreakingly hurt. He stands up from the floor where he was sitting, his body language screaming how tense he is.

However, when his gaze meets with mine, his face softens. He looks puzzled, his eyes are puffy and red just like his nose is from crying. I already feel my soul shattering into pieces.

"Soobin." I mutter lower than I thought. He stops in his tracks staring at me, his hair a little messy and his arms falling limp on both of his sides.

"What are you doing here?" He asks almost in a whisper. I step forward, but he steps back.

"What's wrong?"

He sits again on the floor, resting his hands on his knees and I don't hesitate to walk until I reach him. He looks up, a tear streaming down his face as he bites his lip. I crouch in front of him, placing my hand over his and holding it tightly.

"Why did you come?" He asks, now looking at our hands, unable to keep eye contact with me.

"Because you need someone. Do you want me to leave?"

He shakes his head, tightening the grip on my hand.

I sit, resting my butt on my heels trying to be a little more comfortable.

"Aren't you tired of this?" He suddenly asks, making me tilt my head.

"Tired of what?"

He finally looks up and our eyes cross paths. His eyes stare into my soul mercilessly, his blank expression and the fire behind them is almost leaving me breathless.

"Of being the one who always has to wipe my tears away?"

His words come at me like sharp daggers stabbing my heart. I don't even know how to react.

"No." I respond bluntly.

He lets out a humorless, breathy chuckle.

"Why? Can't you see how pathetic this is? Why do you run to me whenever I cry like a stupid baby?" He asks harshly, pulling his hand away from mine, but still looking into my eyes.

"Because I care about you, Soobin."

"Do you? I don't think so." He says. "Honestly, I think you should leave already. Don't waste your time on me." He spits, standing up and walking towards the other side of the room.

I feel my blood starting to boil. His attitude is irritating and frustrating.

"What are you saying? I think I've proven to you that I care!" I raise my voice, making him stop, his back facing me. "Fuck, I care! If I didn't care, why would I ever come? Do you want me to leave? Okay! I will when you tell me what's your problem!"

"If you cared you wouldn't have been avoiding me. Now after all these days ignoring me, Yeonjun hyung calls you because I'm feeling like shit, and you care?"

Idiot. You really have no idea.

"I didn't..."

He turns his face, his pained expression feels like a punch on the face.

"You did. Why? Because you found youself a boyfriend? What about the things and the time we spent together? Eggbert? Adopting Kiyooung? Doesn't matter? I think I never meant that much to you."

"No, you fool!" I shout. "It's because it was the right thing to do!"

He frowns, stepping closer.

"Why? I tried to be good to you... Always, I-"

"You wouldn't understand... But I've always been here, haven't I? Even when your girlfriend threatened me I swore to her I'd rip her hair off if she hurt you again. How can you say something like I don't care about you when I always drop everything just to run to you and see you, when I came here because you've been locked up in this four walls? What do you fucking want from me?"

"y/n..." He mutters, but I step back when he tries to get closer.

"I've always been here whenever you get your heart broken because I want you to be happy. I always try to heal you so you can smile, but to fix you I always have to hurt myself. I come running to catch you when you fall, but then you push me away. When I go away from you, you come running after me. Please stop this madness, Soobin." I plead, sobs escaping from my mouth as I cover my face with my hands, my head hanging down.

Silence fill the room until I feel his arms wrapping me in a tight hug, a hug no one has ever given me before. His arms wrap around my back as he pulls me into him, resting his cheek on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry." He cries, breaking my heart even more. "I never wanted to hurt you. You've always been there for me, you've been so good to me. I'm sorry for making you suffer. I didn't mean to, I care about you a lot. It fucking destroys me to know that I bring so much pain to you."

I start sobbing like a baby just like him, but probably for different reasons. He cries because he feels alone, and hurt because the girl he loves keeps kicking him like a broken toy, and I cry because my love for him is too strong that just being around him without being able to let it out, is slowly killing me. I wrap my arms around his torso from under his arms, digging my fingers in his sweater and snuggling my face on his chest.

Damn it.

"I... I can't turn my back on you." I say, holding him tightly. "If you're hurt... I will always run to you and wipe your tears away. You idiot, stop getting your heart broken." I sob, feeling as if someone was ripping my heart off my chest.

He buries his face in the crook of my neck. His wet cheeks dampening my skin as he keeps sniffling. After a few minutes, he pulls back and wipes his tears with the back of his hand, before he wipes mine with his thumb, burning my skin at the touch.

"What do I do if I love someone so much and it isn't reciprocated?" He asks, his voice still cracking. The look on his face increasing my urge to cry, I can't stand seeing him so broken. Not when I could love him right. "She's hurting me, she left to be with someone else and I... I can't stand the pain." He confesses, lowering his head and letting out muffled sobs.

This is all her fault. That's all she ever does, bring him pain.

"Please understand that you deserve better." I say, cupping his face with my hands and forcing him to look at me. "When will you notice? You deserve so much happiness and you keep making the same mistakes." I whisper

"Because It's my fault that I lost her." He responds, his breath is uneven and he bites his lip as it quivers. "I always fuck everything up."

"Stop blaming yourself." I say firmly. "You did nothing wrong... Sometimes... Love isn't meant to be mutual." I add, moving my hands away from his face and looking down at my feet.

That's reality. That's what I've experienced and he is now feeling the same. I always loved him, and he always loved her.

At this point I can't stand the pain. Images of Jihoon come to my mind and the pain of knowing he is crying again for that girl makes me feel at the edge. I'm devastated, all I want to do is run away and never look back.

"I think it's you who doesn't understand... No one does, this is my fault!" He repeats in a shout, losing himself again in his own pain. He runs his fingers through his hair in frustration, and I don't know how much I will able to handle.

"I do understand, Soobin. I fucking do!" I yell, making him look at me. "I know the pain of blaming yourself for not being good enough. There is always someone better than you'll ever be. Don't come and tell me this bullshit when I've experienced it myself in my own skin!" I cry in frustration once again. "You're just too blind to see in front of your nose, and I can't handle it anymore." I spit, turning my body and walking towards the door with uncontrollable sobs and anger inside my chest.

He grabs my wrist and turns my body, hugging me tightly again. My heart races painfully, my chest clenching because of how much love I'm able to feel for him. Whenever he's near, whenever he touches me... I feel like I'm going to explode.

"Please forgive me." He pleads. "I will stop hurting you, I swear. But please, don't leave me." He cries. "You're all I have. Tell me how am I hurting you, please tell me so I can fix it, then hate me, never talk to me again if that will stop the pain in you when you go back home, but please, stay a little longer." He begs, tightening the embrace around my small frame.

I squeeze my eyes shut as tears stream like a waterfall down my cheeks. I feel the urge to tell him how I feel, how much I love him. But I can't, so I pull back. He looks at me confused, his eyes begging me to stay... He's in disbelief, like he can't understand why I'm pushing him away this time.

"I'm sorry, I can't... I need to go." It's all I manage to say, almost in a whisper.

"But why?!" He shouts in a heartbreaking way, sobbing.

I stop in my tracks, my lip quivers as I sniffle looking at the floor.

"Because whenever you're around I feel like dying." I whisper. "I'm trying to be happy, you know? Don't you dare to say you haven't noticed. I've been trying to give myself a chance, but then you come again just when I'm about to make it work without you... I admit, my voice cracking as I pant trying to control my sobs.

"If I make your life a living hell, why did you come? I never asked you to." He says coldly. I turn my body to look at him, his stare full of hurt and rage.

"You're right." I state. "You never asked me to get into your life. I always did because I cared too much about you. But don't worry, just like I walked into your life, I'm walking out of it." I add. His eyes soften and new tears form in them, threatening to fall as he makes a step forward.

But not again.

I turn around and storm out of his room. He calls my name, but even though it kills me, I don't look back.

I hear Yeonjun calling for me as well as I run downstairs, but I don't want to stop right now that I'm a crying mess. However, when I cross the door, he grabs my arm and stops me.

"What's wrong? What happened?" He asks worriedly, cupping my face and forcing me to look at him.

I shake my head, covering my face with my hands. He wraps his arms around me and hugs me, pulling me into his chest.

"I can't do this anymore." I sob. "I love him. I love him so much and It's killing me, It's torturing me to see him cry for her. He will never see, and I will coming back to him as soon as he calls because that's how it is. We're a pair of fucking idiots." I say. He rocks me from side to side as he caresses my hair.

"I'm so sorry, y/n. I didn't think it would end up like this."

I pull back, sighing and wiping my tears away.

"It's okay. I just want to go home... I have a lot of things to think about."

Yeonjun nods.

"Call me if you need anything." He says, giving me another quick hug and placing a kiss on the top of my head.

I nod when we pull back, and wave him goodbye before I decide to leave. I go back home walking, desperately trying to clear my mind.

But it doesn't work... Because his words and the way he begged me to stay still echoes in my head. I've tried so hard, but in this game there's no way I can win. Someone will always get hurt, and I'm dragging Jihoon with us into this mess.

Going there just made me realize that I can't escape. No matter where I go, no matter what I do. My feelings for him won't die, they won't fade away, even when I'm destroying my own heart, he is the one I will ever want.

I'm sorry, Soobin. I love you, but I if I can't have you, if I'm not the one you will ever love... I can't do this anymore. Getting your heart fixed for someone else to break it... I can't. I need to be alone.