February 2nd?

Dear Diary,

Everything is getting worse by each second. So worse that I didn't even imagine it would be like this one day. And it seems that even the creature stopped visiting me, as I didn't manage to see it for days now. Looks like I've been abandoned for good in this world that gets destroyed, while this darkness even begins to consume my mind.

Never in my life would I have imagined that this is suppose to be my fate. If anyone would've told me that I will wake up one day in a world so chaotic that will get destroyed because of my presence there, I would have told them that they've reached a level of insanity. Now, no matter what anybody would tell me, I will begin to question myself and my decisions in life.

I did change a lot during my time here from what it seems. My positive view that I had, even if I was down, now disappeared almost completely. My confusion on this world became something similar to me seeing my everyday environment, while others would've probably question it to the point of insanity. But I do seem to be stronger than I actually knew myself to be before. I did manage to keep myself sane all this time alone somehow after all.

It's such a shame that I can't even remember how I got here at all. Maybe it would've help me make things how they were before. But seeing how hopeless I am at the moment, maybe it wasn't meant to be from the very start. It's hard to imagine an escape now, and not even God managed to reply to my prayers. Maybe in this world, God isn't able to do anything. Maybe He was blocked all this time from helping me and I was such a fool to even try and talk to Him.

Maybe this is a world without a god. There are no laws, no balance between any forces which all leads to a chaotic universe that cannot be tamed. It would make sense for someone that comes from a world with a god to be confused, now that I'm thinking about it. And maybe because something that comes from a world of laws in here, the universe collapses since it cannot comprehend its logic. If I understood that before, maybe it helped me feel better that it wasn't my fault I ended up here and the world is now dying. But at the same time, it is my fault that I've stayed, even though I don't know how to leave.

At this point, I can come up with a name for myself and this adventure. You liked to give nicknames to people based on their personalities, right? Maybe you would've wanted to give a name for this whole situation so that we can remember it forever. Even though I wouldn't want that to happen. I would give anything to forget this whole thing just like I did with everything about me when I first arrived. But maybe for you it was fun and enjoyed everything that I wrote for you.

To be honest now, if I wasn't the one experiencing this whole thing, probably the idea of a new world out there would've been my interest too. I would've appreciated everything that someone told me and got more curious about his experience every day. Even though the depressing parts of it wouldn't be nice to hear. Oh, and I did think of a nickname for myself and this whole thing while writing to you. How about "Amnesia Victim"? Do you like it?