November 7, 2015
Sunday
12:12 AM

Dear diary, I feel nothing absolutely nothing is that normal when your being called every foul name under the sun by the one man who was supposed to do nothing but love you, your father. I know that I should apologize for some things but how can I when I feel nothing, not pain, not anger, not even sadness. Nothing. Every other child in the world gets a happy family and a warm home, but NO not me I'm to busy being told that in worthless that I'll never amount to anything. And as I said earlier I feel nothing I remember a poem I had quoted in my book and right now I don't thing it even suited me more than it does now. It goes like this:

"I'm tried of crying.
I'm tried of yelling.
I'm tired of being sad.
I'm tired of pretending.
I'm tired of being alone.
I'm tried of being angry.
I'm tired of feeling crazy.
I'm tired of feeling stuck.
I'm tired of needing help.
I'm tired of remembering.
I'm tired of missing things.
I'm tired of being different.
I'm tried of missing people.
I'm tried of feeling worthless.
I'm tired of feeling empty inside.
I'm tired of not being able to just let go.
I'm tired of wishing I could start all over.
I'm tried of dreaming of a life I will never have.
But most of all, I'm just tired of being tried."

Someday when I'm older and wiser maybe I'll learn to forgive my father and then maybe just maybe, I'll find it in me to forgive myself too.

- Until Next Time,
Love Alina