We had practice today but I couldn't go. Maybe if you were there I might have tried harder to go. I saw Adam at competitive last Thursday, I bet he's amazing now. I'm still stuck here. You still haven't responded to my texts.

11:36 am

*****
A while back at practice we did breaststroke and free. Kian all most KILLED me! As you know I don't like passing people and now that I've given up I don't try at all. So for 3/4 of practice I was behind him and I kept choking on his water and almost got kicked in the face multiple times. However, I'm sure you'll be glad to know that I have improved a lot on breast to the point where I was 3 out of 6. Jason and Willa were in front of me so I'm proud of myself. Me and Lauren ship them and they also argue against it but they're always together. We also have to wear caps at all times and I hate it.

2:13 pm

*****

I wanted to ask Sam a question but I'm not going, so I can't. I wanted to ask her if the times on the HS website were for JV or Varsity. I was really hyped for practice today after reading a swimming themed book on Wattpad. I really want to be on Varsity all 4 years of HS but I doubt that'll happen. I kinda want to quit the team too. My mom wants me too because I'm not progressing to competitive. Honestly, I hate practice now.

4:30 pm

*****

Sam just isn't the same as you. You cared she doesn't really. Like I went in the 1 lane which you would NEVER allow and I kicked free with my knees. One day at practice I was talking about stuff that was probably not preferred. If you were there you would've asked what we were doing. She is getting better though, like in freestyle I just slowed down half way and she asked why. I told her I wasn't feeling it and I wasn't seeing an outcome. She said I should try and then I would. I still don't like her though.

5:03 pm

*****
I was reading the swimming book again. Now I'm scared what if I'm not good enough, I mean I'm too scared to even go to competitive how am I going to be on Varsity there will be way better swimmers, who are taller, faster, slicker than I am. I'm nowhere near Adam or Tim but I moved up before them. Why? I remember one practice I was better than them even Ernesto because he doesn't try but the others I beat. I felt good and I was close-ish to them through the time they were there. Adam said I'll get better but is that true? I'm scared.

5:21 pm

*****

I went to a dinner party a lady there who was seated in front of me talked to me which lead to me telling her about swim. Apparently she was on an Olympic team and her god daughter was an Olympic swimmer and her name was Katie Hoff. We kept talking and I told her how I wanted to be in Varsity in HS. She said she believed in me and liked my determination. So because of her I might start trying again.

10:22 pm