Sometimes all you need to know is that there's this one person, who no matter what, stands by your side not just when you're in need but always. And I'm afraid I might lose that someone. I need to make amends before it's too late and the crack becomes irreparable.

Olivia comes home to find me with a bucket of blueberry ice cream on our couch. One Day runs in the background, and the only light in our living room comes from the tv screen.

She doesn't freak out. Instead, she picks up a spoon from the cabinet, sits down beside me, and starts eating the almost melted ice cream from my bucket until it's empty. Then we sit beside each other for as long as I take to recollect my hazing mind.

Olivia plays with my single hoop earring as I place my head on her lap and waits for me to talk. I'm wearing Adrian's jacket, and his words are still ringing in my ears like an inner monologue running on replay.

"I think Adri has feelings for me," I finally break the silence. My fingers play with the zipper of the jacket.

She looks down at me with her lips parted. "All this suspense for that. I thought, Adrian proposed you, and you said no."

I sit up, almost instantly glaring at her. "It's not funny, Liv. Why would you say something like that?"

"Yeah, you're right. It's not funny, Adrian's your best friend. You don't feel anything for him. Your heart still belongs to Augustus." She skates her tongue over her teeth and pulls my head back on her lap. "I get all these. So, what's the big deal here if Adrian has feelings for you. He cares for you, V."

"You don't understand, Liv. If he has feelings for me, and if it's more than what friends feel for each other, then it's not going to end well." I sigh, looking at the white-washed ceiling.

We remain silent for a long time as her fingers ease some of the tension from my scalp. I close my eyes for a brief moment. If I end up hurting Adrian, it will break my heart. I have to fix everything while I still have time. And there's this slightest bit of possibility that I'm wrong about his feelings towards me. Either way, I have to talk him out of it. My heart starts thrumming inside my chest.

"You should talk to him before it's too late. Tell him you don't feel the same way and will probably never feel the same way." She leans her head back and relaxes her shoulder.

"Can I do that without hurting him?" I gnaw on my bottom lip, my fingers feel cold, and my chest caves.

"It's the only way," Olivia shrugs, her eyes focus on the screen instead of me. "since you don't have feelings for him, it shouldn't be a problem, or do you?"

I can't lose my best friend because of my selfish emotions. I can never be more than friends with him, not when I can't give my heart to him.

"Vio?"

"Huh," I snap out of my trance and find her looking at me with raised brows.

"You don't have feelings for him, right?"

"No, I don't," I say, closing my eyes as the words knot my stomach.

"Well, that sounded different in my mind, but if that's the truth, then I'm with you." She squeezes my shoulder reassuringly, and I don't miss the disbelief in her eyes. She thinks I'm lying to her and myself.

Am I lying to myself?

After a thoughtful minute, Olivia says, "Tell him not to be sad about it. I'm willing to date him instead of Noah any day."

I push off her lap and toss a pillow at her when a message pops up on her phone. It's from Noah.

She purses her lips as I cross my arms and flash a grin.

"Okay, don't say that when Noah is around." She laughs, and that earns her a flick on the forehead.

***

I'm carrying his leather jacket in one hand and Italian takeout in the other as I jog down the street. The crisp evening air and the blaring sound of the traffic follow me along with every step closer to Adrian's apartment. I haven't been to his new apartment, which he shares with Noah. So I'm excited to see his new place for the first time.

But that excitement is minuscule compare to the anxiety of what I'm about to tell him. We are best friends like forever. I still believe we can put all these complicated feelings aside and enjoy our time together. I walk down the narrow hallway and hesitate before ringing the doorbell. I can hear the faint sound of the music and laughter through the door.

After the third ring, the door opens, and a red-eyed Noah looks at me as if he has seen a ghost. He hides the red cup behind his back and runs a hand through his hair. I have only ever seen him sober, so his drunk self catches me by surprise.

"Hey, Violet." He says, giving me a half-smile as I take a glance of the crowded room over his shoulder. I can spot a few guys from the soccer team.

"Hey, Noah," Smell of weed and alcohol lingers in the air around us. "Looks like you guys are having a party."

"Yeah, it's just the guys from the soccer team. Last-minute plan, you know." He replies hurriedly, and just as I'm convinced, a petite girl comes up to him with a cup. She throws herself to his side, holding his bicep for support while giggling. Olivia would've ripped this girl's arms off her shoulder if she was here.

"I see it's not just the guys in here." I raise my brow at the girl and then look back at Noah. He squeezes his eyes and detaches his arms from the girl, nudging her away. She gives me a once-over before swaying her way back.

Noah flashes a tight-lipped smile gesturing me to come inside, his expression dying as my eyes roam around the living area. It's too dim and smoky to figure out the faces, but I'm sure I won't miss the one I'm looking for in particular. I can feel the bass vibrating in my ears, and it makes my palms sweaty. I feel stupid being in a simple cotton dress with sweaty dust-tangled hair and takeout, which doesn't go with the population inside this room.

"Uh...Noah. Where's Adri?" I ask Noah as he leads me to the kitchen. We pass a bunch of guys on our way. Some of them look familiar and regard me with a nod before we finally arrive at the counter. I find a group of girls, and the fact that I've only ever seen them with Charlotte makes my stomach flip.

"He must be somewhere around here. Why don't you keep the takeout in the fridge, and I'll check on him, yeah? Please don't drink the punch. It's probably spiked." He pulls out a coke from the fridge, places it on the counter, and strides out of there.

I look down at Adrian's jacket, the Italian takeout, and coke, then glance over Charlotte's friends, and that was enough push for me to follow Noah's retreating figure.

Mix unfamiliarity of the place with dim light and chaos of the party crowd, it takes me an extra second to scan the living area for two sets of familiar green eyes. But when I finally find them, they burn my heart into ashes because right in the middle of the living area, I find my Adri sitting on the couch, covered in dense smoke, and he is not alone. The girl with shiny blonde hair, a pretty face, and an even more pretty black dress is straddling him. As I stand across them, with my breath stuck in my throat and my fingers clenched, Charlotte brings a joint to his lips, leaning her ample chest closer to him. Not a second after he blows out the smoke, she replaces it with her lips, and they're kissing for all it's worth.

I crash and burn and gasp a little breathless with every stroke of Charlotte's red fingers on my Adri's soft brown hair, his soft cheeks, and his tight jaw. The takeout bag slips from my hand and lands with a thud. His jacket follows next and then comes the most biblical part where Adrian breaks away from the kiss. His emerald green eyes, full of desperation, guilt, and defeat, lock with mine. I'm sure mine are glassy, and Charlotte's reflect victory, challenge.

"V!" Adrian's voice is deep. It sounds desperate as he pushes Charlotte away and rushes towards me. But I can't take my eyes away from her smug face. I trip backward, away from him, and then I'm moving, running out of his apartment, down the staircase. I can hear his heavy footfalls as he calls out my name and strings of curses.

As I reach the last of stairs, I brush away strands of hair sticking to my wet cheeks. I rush through the empty hallway, righting my shaking body when Adrian's hand latches around my wrist, and he pulls me against his chest. "You can't just fucking look at me like that and then run away from me, V."

"I think I saw enough, Adri. Why don't you go back and finish kissing her properly?" I snort, wrestling in his hold. "Or you can't do that unless you dope out of your mind."

"Hell, you're right about that one." He scoffs, poking the inside of his cheek. "But that's no reason for you to look at me like the way you did back there."

"What way?" I seethe, pulling myself out of his hold. I continue down the hallway, and then I am against the wall. Adrian is crowding me with his woodsy scent and daunting arms. He breathes hot against my face, his nose ghosting mine, and I feel high on the tobacco and whiskey-scented breaths.

"Like I burned your heart, fucking tore it apart and crushed it." I shudder as his voice vibrates against my cheek. "Why are you here, V?"

I hate that he is right. It shattered and burned my heart to see his lip on someone else. I hate that it was what I came to tell him, but only when I witnessed with my naked eyes did I realize how that would feel.

"You're wrong, Adri," I grit, trying hard to pull the walls of denial high up around us. I smack the tears failing my façade and push at his chest. "I came here to tell you that you can't have feelings for me, feelings which are beyond our friendship."

He doesn't budge an inch away from me, places his hands on the wall beside my head, and I dare to look into his red glassy eyes. Hurt radiates from every cell of his body, transferring into mine. "Talk for yourself, V. Your eyes missed the memo of your words."

He leans closer. His lips barely touch my cheek as he drinks the salty drop of my tear, tasting my ache. I wonder if it tells him that I want his lips on mine for dear life. But I can't not when they have someone else's taste on them.

I raise my shaking hand, then trace his soft lips with my trembling fingers and dare to ask, "Did you kiss her back?"

He squeezes his eyes, his lips tremble under my touch, and then he nods, caving my heart. "Yes, I kissed back, V. And do you want to know how it felt?" He breathes, releasing a dry chuckle. "Nothing. I felt nothing, no simmering fire or fluttering butterflies. How fucked up that is!"

I blink through my moist lashes, brushing his warm cheek with my cold hand. "Adri-"

"Adrian!" Charlotte sings from the top of the stairs. "Are you coming back here? I'm waiting, you know."

He curses under his breath, and a small muscle in his jaw twitches as I pull my hand away from his cheek. Anger replaces the agony and desperation on his face in a second. Neither of us regards the blonde or spares her a look. But her mere presence is enough for me to retreat from his closeness. My mind begins reeling back scene by scene to the one where I saw them kissing, and it cracks my heart all over again.

"I should leave." I give him a weak smile, turning my gaze towards the exit. His face crumples as I take a step back from him and steel my spine against the wall. In a quick reflex, he holds my wrist before I can brush past him and stands so close to me that I can almost hear his heartbeat.

"It's late. Let me drop you home." He sighs, running a hand through his hair. I refrain from taking comfort in his offer even though I know what's at stake.

He's going back to her.

I inch closer to him. Our cheeks brush against each other for a fleeting second as I unscrew his fingers one by one from my wrist and whisper in his ear, "Go back to Charlotte. She must be waiting."

Before my resolve crumbles and my heart tears under his piercing, desperate eyes, I begin moving away. I turn and shoot for the exit, my feet failing me at every step. I run as fast as I can away from him, away from the feelings I fail to accept.

I came here to stop him from having these feelings and ended up having them myself.

***

Author's Note: I couldn't wait to update this chapter. This one truly broke my heart, but it's a big stepping stone in Violet's feelings towards Adrian. I hope you liked it.

Don't forget to add your comments and votes while you're on this journey with me.