The fallout is inevitable. When you want something so badly that you surpass all logic or mental warnings, it's doomed to get snatched away from you the moment you become defenseless.

Ever since our cuddle has gone out of line, Adrian has been avoiding me. Maybe we both are avoiding each other. He left Sunday morning before I woke up, leaving freshly brewed coffee and pancakes on the kitchen island. He stuck a sticky note on the fridge with a smiley.

Take your meds on time. I have kept blueberry ice cream in the freezer. Eat it after your fever comes down. :)

There was no mention of the night before, which was good, but it still stung to know he ignored it as nothing happened. He didn't forget it, though. Not when I changed direction every time we crossed paths. Not when the entire soccer team came to the Brew Story, and he chose a far-end corner, away from the counter where our eyes could meet. He didn't even come to place his order. Of course, that would mean coming face to face with me, with the mistake for which we both are equally guilty.

As the week passes, I realize how badly we have fucked up. How can we work through this if we can't even look each other in the eyes? Somehow, it's worse this time. It wasn't just a brush of lips, but we were about to cross some lines. Above all, it's the first time I have experienced something this wild.

I might be immature and inexperienced, but I'm not clueless, not in my twenties. I do have some idea of why Adrian's mere presence around me ignites an inextinguishable fire within me. No part of him touches me, but he doesn't have to. His green possessive eyes are enough to drive my pulse crazy, and God forbid he touches, my insides thrum with mindless anticipation. But we are still best friends. Friends don't feel this way for each other. It is so wrong, and I'm not sure how to make it right.

I bite my lips to pull myself out of my reverie and move back to cleaning the counter, using a towel to wipe up coffee spills.

"You fight with him again?" Andrea asks, helping me clean up the counter before heading over to flip the sign on the door.

I pull off my work apron, placing it back on the rack, and turn to pin my co-worker with a what are you talking about look. Andrea has a lazy smile across her pink-tinted lips as she shakes her head and continues to arrange the disarrayed chairs. She's a year junior, but we've bonded well over our shifts in the café. Andrea has a rare superpower to know what's going on in people's minds. Crazy as it sounds, she's correct most of the time.

"You know I don't possess the same mind-reading talent as you," I rolled my eyes, continuing to arrange the counter.

"Adrian," she leans against the doorframe of the back room. "You guys are dodging each other. And taking subtle glances when the other one isn't watching. To top it off, you are missing that signature smile of yours."

I snort, swinging the towel over my shoulder and turning around. "Sorry for having a bad day. And no, it has nothing to do with Adri."

"Yeah, you can keep saying that, but I know the look."

I lift my brows in question then shake my head. "Can you stop invading everyone's thoughts for once? It's not cute anymore. You're creeping me out."

She smiled, knotting her black curls into a high bun. "So, are you going to tell me now what's going on between you and your sexy ass best friend?"

I take a deep sigh, looking at her with a knowing look. I can't stop the way my lips lift as I think about Adrian's brown messy hair and how they feel soft under my fingertips. My fingers still remember the feel of his fingers and how well they lace together. His ocean eyes, I miss looking deep into them. God! I need to sort our distance.

"Tell me you're not thinking about him right now?" Andrea laughs. The warm, playful sound of her voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

I stare at her and nod softly, regretting immediately as her jaw drops open. "So it is what I thought."

"What exactly are your thoughts? Please enlighten me." I groan, pausing midway stocking the coffee beans. I give her a warning look as she gestures to me to continue filling the bean hopper.

"You're trying to tame your feelings towards him. Maybe, you'll win, or maybe your feelings will betray you. Either way, you can't stop yourself from seeking something your heart wants. The heart wants what it wants." She sighs, leaning on her palms. "And avoiding each other may not be the wisest way to deal with your feelings."

Adrian's warm breath against my ear and his velvety touch haven't left me alone for a minute. "There's no such feelings between us. My heart still belongs with Augustus. I don't think I can ever feel the way I feel for him, but he isn't here."

Andrea hops on the counter and crosses her legs at the ankles, then nods. "You still wait for him?"

I didn't think I could cry any more tears for you, Augustus, but here I am, blinking them away. "A part of me wants to let him go, but I can't. Not when there's even one percent chance of us reuniting." I sniffle, brushing away the drops of tears making their way down my cheeks. "It's breaking me, this continuous whirlwind of emotions. My dad, he's sick, very sick, and Adri is pretty much the only person who makes me forget all this pain and anxiety."

A warm smile spreads on her face as she stops my trembling fingers on the countertop and pulls me into a bear hug. I let her calm fruity scent, ease my wrecking nerves as she rubs my back. "So, stop pushing away the only anchor you've got."

She's right. That's how Adrian feels.

He's the anchor to my wrecked soul.

***

There's this constant heartbreak that surrounds me every day. I have no clue how to get rid of it. Sometimes it's bearable almost there but not quite deep, and sometimes it walks with me like my shadow. I look in the mirror every morning, come face to face with the ghost of my free-spirited self, and dress ready to profess, to pretend that everything's fine, that I'm fine. Then tilt my head in question. When will everything be fine? When will I be okay?

My plans have always been simple: Graduate from college, move back to Winsbay, to my family, and join my father's law firm. And somewhere along the line publish a novel of my own. I know it's not something extraordinary, but I never wanted it to be either.

"What about your MFA?" Adrian would say, and I might take a few extra seconds to reconsider. But with my father's health condition, it doesn't matter. There will always be something or the other, something to lose, something at stake. The question is- what am I willing to let go. I'm sure it can never be the people I love.

And right at this moment, as I wait for professor Bradshaw to finish up the lecture, my mind is infused with Adrian, how he has constantly been avoiding any interactions with me. Although, he talks to my mom every day. I shouldn't be jealous of my mom, but I'm very much anxious. Like now as I see his brown hair and the pen tucked behind his ear from two desks away.

He was already in class when I entered, and for the briefest second, our gazes met. I didn't miss the tiredness in those green eyes, missing their notorious glint. He has been spending more time in his soccer practice than usual, and that has started showing up on his face. For a few fleeting seconds, I stood by the stairs as students passed me, and I hesitated, thinking whether to take my usual seat beside him or move to the empty ones behind him. And while we kept staring into each other's eyes, mine unsure, his full of anticipation, Charlotte snatched my place.

My fingers latched tightly around the laptop in my hand, and my jaw tightened as she kissed his cheeks. His attention never shifted from me. It hurt. It hurt too much to look at her taking my place, but I gulped down the bile forming up in my throat. As few students bumped onto my back, I realized how stupid I looked standing still at the entrance and collapsed at the next empty seat that caught my eyes.

My nerves are still on fire as I exhale the possessiveness coursing through my veins by looking at the girl with blonde hair sitting in my place with my best friend, my Adri. She leans her head towards his ear and whispers whatever the hell she needs to when we are practically in the middle of an important fucking lecture.

As Professor Bradshaw turns towards the board, Charlotte grabs the opportunity to run her lean fingers with raging red long nails on Adrian's hair, making me clench my fists on my lap and close my eyes. I have felt like this before for him, and it goes back to my high school days. Nothing has changed, Adrian is breaking my heart again, and I'm handing him the power to do that. And you weren't there then, Augustus, just like you aren't here now.

I dread every passing second for the rest of the class until the lecture comes to an end. I grab my bag, putting away my things fast as I hear shuffling from the desks in front of me. Before Adrian can reach my seat, I'm out of the class and into the hallway, away from him. I can feel a tug in my heart to avoid having a conversation yet again. But I know with the current state of my heart, I'll mess it up again.

***

After spending the entire lunch break inside the library, mentally preparing myself and rehearsing all my lines in my head, I finally put my foot down. It takes me a good fifteen minutes to figure out he has been back to the soccer field. Oh boy! His untimely extensive workout means he's pissed, and probably I'm one of the reasons.

I don't see him on the grounds, and the locker room is the only place left in the athletic building where I can find him. When I walk down the hallway to the locker room, I spot a few soccer players heading out with their bags over their shoulders, but none of them have those sparkling green eyes, the one I'm looking for at this moment.

I hesitate for a second, working on my nerves before I push the door open and appreciate God internally for the lack of audience inside. My eyes sweep across the rows of lockers and benches, rubbing my forehead for being crazy enough to be inside the boys changing room. I can hear the shower running just for a few seconds before it's shut off. I shift from one foot to another and contemplate waiting for whoever is about to come out or rush outside right this moment. What if it's not Adrian? It would be hell awkward to explain why I'm here. But that doesn't seem as challenging as the possibility that the person might be Adrian. My heartbeat turns erratic, and I'm about to chicken out, but I stay glued on the spot when he walks out of the corner.

I yelp as my eyes lock with his green ones and then travel down the expanse of his sculpted body, freshly showered. I swallow a lump in my throat as I watch water droplets trickling down his damp hair to his neck, pausing over one nipple before it continues under the bulge of his pectorals. A white towel is wrapped low around his waist, and I gulp shamelessly, tracing the path those droplets follow before they finally disappear in the trail of a dark line of hair running down his stomach. It ruined all the prep I did for this moment because I'm speechless, just as he seems to have the same effect as me. At least, I've got my clothes on.

"V?" Adrian's voice makes me look back into his eyes. He raises his brows in question, and when I don't speak for a long time, he grabs a fresh towel from the stand. "Why are you here, V?"

I gulp as my throat suddenly feels dry, and no words come out of my lips. Adrian sighs, throwing the towel in his hand on the bench, and takes a few steps closer to me. With each of his forward steps, I take one back until my back hits the locker, and I wish it swallows me. It doesn't, and I'm done for, once he's close enough to let me get consumed in the smell of his aftershave and bathing gel.

"You shouldn't be here," he says, pausing a foot away from me. his eyes look tired and full of worry as he snaps towards the door. "It's a boys locker room, for god's sake."

"I-" I choke, then place a hand over my heart to ease out my irregular breathing. "I needed to talk to you, and what does it matter if it's a boys locker room?"

"It does matter," his jaw locks, and now I'm successful in pissing him off again. So much for having a decent conversation. He takes another step closer to me and leans towards my ear, his breath hot against my skin as he breathes, "Because I wouldn't want you looking at any other guy the way you just looked at me."

"What way?" My jaw drops on a stalled breath. He tips his cold finger under my chin and closes my mouth.

"The way you shouldn't look at your friend. But I don't blame you for that. I know it's hard to resist me." A low laugh rumbles inside his throat, and I shove at his shoulder with a huff. He doesn't budge from his position. Instead, he touches my chin and turns my face to the side. He then traces down the drops of sweat on the corner of my face. "Look, you're already sweating."

"Don't do that," I look him in the eyes, not letting his lazy grin distract me.

"Do what?" He asks, running a hand through his damp hair while leaning away. I subside the urge to do it myself.

"Behave like an obnoxious prick," I scoff at him. I take a deep breath, let myself adjust to his bare torso, and steel my spine. "I'm here to talk."

"I'm here to change, and I can do that with you watching." He braces a hand on the locker beside my head and inconspicuously adjusts the towel around his waist. "Also, you're leaning on my locker."

"I'm not leaving unless we finish talking," I tip my head up to glare at him, then fold my arms across my chest. He can't avoid conversation this time. I'm done feeling awkward around each other because of some stupid hormone disbalance. That's what it was, a lapse in judgment. We're two sexually active young individuals, and it's normal if some lines get blur while we sleep on the same bed. I rest my head back and smile at him, throwing a challenging look at him.

He shakes his head and scowls at me with wet, full soft lips. "Okay, let's talk, but then you'll leave before the guys from the track team are back here."

Trying not to get distracted by the flexes of his muscled chest, I chew the corner of my thumb and start in a rushed breath. "I - Whatever happened the other day- night, I don't want that to come between our friendship. You probably don't care, but I do. I can't lose you because of my stupid impulse. The truth is, I hate not being able to look you in the eyes without getting reminded of the mistake, the mistake for which I'm equally guilty. I'm so sorry, Adri." I finally release a breath.

"Shh," he places a finger on my lips, stopping me. His eyes look deep into my eyes, hurt radiating from them. "Don't say that. Don't ever say sorry. That's the reason I didn't want to confront it."

"What? Me owning my mistake?" I laugh, my noise breaking.

He runs a hand through his tousled hair before he laughs, dark and disbelieving, "No, you calling it a mistake as if you didn't feel a thing."

My breath hitches as his words electrify every cell in my body. "What?"

He curses, closing his eyes, then releases a staggered breath. "Fine! Let's call it a mistake then and forget that it ever happened. In that case, I'm sorry too for making you writhe in my arms, for making you moan and for making you-"

"Adri!" I growl, gritting my teeth and hitting his chest. "If you are going to behave like an asshole, then we are done talking. God! I hate you so much." I step away from his locker and rush for the exit, swiping the strands of hair falling on my face.

I hardly cross two lockers when a hand grabs my arm, making me stop and turn towards two pleading green eyes. "We're not done talking. You can hate me all you want, but I will never call any of our moments a mistake. You've done that before and are doing it now. I said this before, and I'm saying it now- what I felt was not wrong. I've never felt anything as right as that."

I struggle to breathe, glaring at him but breaking down internally. My heart thrums and wants to get embraced in his comfort, not the tension he's offering right now. "I miss you, Adri. I need you now more than ever, and all these confusing emotions, they're killing me. They're breaking us apart, and I don't- I can't lose you."

"Come here," he says softly, pulling me towards him, and then he's brushing away the wet trail from my cheeks gently. He holds my nape, joining both of our foreheads, and breathes hotly against my skin. "I missed you too, V, fucking every single day. Couldn't even sleep, knowing that you might be hurting."

"I don't want to stop being friends," I say, tears bubbling.

"Then let's not avoid each other, okay," he mumbles, pinching the collar of my shirt that hangs off my shoulder and slides it back. "Although, I do have to confess."

The playful tug on his lips tells me he's ready to pull us out of the tension surrounding us.

"Confess," A laugh escapes me.

"It was all your mistake. You're the only one guilty," Adrian whispers in my ear while walking me backward, holding on to my shoulders. "You've turned into a walking sin. It's hard to resist someone as potent as you. It was my test of self-control, and I failed because of you, my stubborn little sinner."

One moment Adrian's scent is everywhere, clouding my senses, soothing my aching heart, and his words blurring my vision, and in the next moment, he nudges me outside the locker room with a soft caress of his whiskers over my neck. "Wait for me after the classes. I know you skipped your lunch, and we need to fix your hunger first."

I flatten my trembling palm over my rumbling heart and turn back. The door closes after, but I can feel Adrian's presence on the other side.

He has unleashed something new in me, and I'm sure it's soul-deep.

***

Author's Note: This chapter took me a lot of time, but I wanted it to be perfect. I do want to do another update this week. But first, let me know how it is.

Do you feel Violet and Adrian's emotions as strongly as I do?