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A little braver - New Empire

15

To the one who never left

       "What are you doing back here?" nag-angat ako ng tingin at nakita ko ang pagtabi sa akin ni  Reema. Imbes na maupo sa front row kasama nila Puma, mas pinili kong maupo sa last row at taimtim na makinig sa misa. Imbes na magkaroon ng eulogy, humiling si Cooper ng isang simpleng misa. Para kasi sa kanya, Eulogy = Iyakan.

      "I prefer to be away from the crowd," sabi ko na lamang.

      Bumuntong-hininga si Reema. Namumugto ang mga mata niya pero sa kabila nito ay may ngiti siya sa mukha. "Don't let the cloud in your mind win,  Shane. Don't let the cloud rain on your parade."

      "I can't help it. My name's Hurricane Shane," biro ko na lamang.

      "Then go be a fucking Hurricane and don't let your mind kill your happiness," maangas na sambit ni Reema sabay flip ng buhok niya.

       "I think i'm becoming bipolar too," napabuntong-hininga na lamang ako.

        Biglang humarap sa akin si Reema, walang kaemo-emosyon ang mukha at pananalita. "First of all, putangina you for using Bipolar lightly. Second of all, Bipolar is not an adjective you can use for your own damn convenience. Third of all, before you claim that you are bipolar, go see a fucking professional and show me your diagnosis. Do I have to say my fourth of all and fifth of all?"

          "I'm sorry, Reema. Forgive my uncultured ass." I apologized quickly for my ignorance which she immediately and calmly accepted. Cooper was actually worried for Reema and he made us promise to keep an eye on her during and after the funeral. Reema might be all feisty and smiley when there are people around but I know she's taking things pretty hard. Her eyes are swollen almost every day and there are times she's just staring blankly ahead.

         "How about we go out next week? There's this new spa that i've been dying to try," pag-iiba ko ng usapan. Dahil si Reema ang kausap ko, hindi ko alam kung ngingitian ko ba siya ng todo o magtataray kaya naman nagpaka-poker face na lamang ako.

          "I can't, I'm seeing my therapist," Mataray na sambit ni Reema pero sa kabila nito ay lumitaw ang isang tipid na ngiti sa mukha niya. "Let's go the day after that. There's also this Thai restaurant i've been dying to try,"

          "I like that." Tumango-tango ako at ngumiti rin ng tipid.

         "Now go say goodbye to Cooper," Reema said.

          I stood up from where I was sitting. As I walked towards Cooper and Agatha's coffin, I picked up two white roses. I placed each one on top of their coffins. "I wish you eternal happiness because that's what you both deserve. Thank you for everything." I whispered under my breath. No tears came out from my eyes my heart still felt like it was being ripped into shreds.

         A cold hand suddenly held mine. It was Dilly. Wearing his thick black sunglasses, he was looking straight ahead as he placed roses on both of their coffins. "Thank you, Cooper. Thank you for giving me the chance to see the world again. Thank you for bringing us together. I will never forget about my promise."

        "What promise?" I couldn't help but ask but he only smiled.

        "I can see you now, Shane," he said, holding my hands tighter while intertwining our fingers. He turned to look at me. I could feel his gaze on eyes. He's looking at me intently as if he's trying to memorize every detail of my face. "You're as beautiful as I imagined." His left hand slowly caressed my cheek.

         "Dilly..." I held his hand as I closed my eyes.

        "I love you, Shane," he says.

         I could only nod and smile.

***

         After the funeral, we all gathered at Cooper's house. We had a simple backyard lunch together with Cooper and Agatha's families. As planned, we presided and organized everything since we know Cooper's parents are still grieving.

       "Nakakainis, hindi ko man lang siya naabutang buhay," umiiyak na sambit ni Puma habang naghuhugas kami ng pinggan.

        "I'm sure Cooper had his reasons why he didn't ask you to come home sooner. That guy always prioritizes our feelings," I smiled as I leaned my head on her shoulder.

        "You're right," Puma sighed as she leaned her head above my head.

          Bigla na lamang may tumikhim mula sa likuran namin kaya sabay kaming napalingon ni Puma. Pabiro akong ngumiwi nang makita si Chord.

         "Andito ka lang pala, Shane! Kanina ka pa hinahanap ni Dilly, pinagtataguan mo ba siya?" tanong ni Chord dahilan para matawa ako.

          "At least naman hindi ko siya pinagtaguan noong bulag pa siya," biro ko nang maalala ko yung kinwento sa akin ni Puma noon. Hinila raw ni Chord si Puma para magtago sila mula kay Dilly.

           Chord tilted his head as if he's motioning me to get lost para ma-solo niya si Puma.Nagpaalam na lamang ako sa kanilang dalawa, they deserve time to be together kasi matagal din silang nagkahiwalay. Lalabas sana ulit ako pero nakasalubong ko ang Mommy ni Cooper.Gaya ng dati, napansin na naman niya ang pagod ko at pilit na naman niya akong pinagpapahinga sa guest room nila.

           Dahil nakakaramdam nadin ako ng pagod, nagtungo sa guest room. Dire-diretso akong nahiga at tumagilid. Ilang sandali pa'y naramdaman ko ang sarili kong nadadala na sa antok at pagod.

         Unti-unti kong minulat ang mga mata ko at nakita kong nasa tabi ko si Dilly, nakahiga rin siya at nakaharap sa akin. He's no longer wearing his dark sunglasses and I can clearly see his eyes, looking softly at mine. He's always been so gentle and kind, through his words, even the way he looks at me.

       Dilly raised his hand at he slowly caressed my cheek. "I'm sorry for pushing you away in the past." He says softly.

        "Dilly, what if I'm just a phase?" I felt tears escaping my eyes. "Your world will only get bigger. You can see now. You will meet more people. You will find better people. You'll live a new life and you will forget about me." The thoughts I've kept to myself have prevailed. My anxiety surfaced through my words.

          "Shane, I love you," Dilly's tone and words are comforting. "There will be changes but they'll all be for the better. When I met you, i've never been so desperate to see again. I've always wanted to see your face, to be worthy of loving you, to be worthy of your love. And now that I can see..." A big smile forms on Dilly's face and all I can see is happiness in his eyes. "Shane, I'm no longer disabled. Shane, I can finally be do everything for you. From now on, I can do everything to be with you and to make you happy."

         I held Dilly's cheek as I began to shake my head. "Dilly, listen to me," I said as I was looking at his eyes. "You were never disabled. Nothing was ever wrong with you. You may have been differently-abled but you were always worthy to love and to be loved. I love Andy William Lim, without even-if's and despite ofs. I will always love Andy William Lim, the kind and gentle boy from Jefferson High. I'm sorry kung nagtampo ako sa'yo, i'm sorry kasi iniwasan kita nitong mga nakaraang araw, na-inis lang ako nang konti kasi all this time mahal mo pala ako pero hinayaan mong lokohin lang natin si Cooper. Buti nalang, tayo pala ang niloloko ni Cooper"

          "Shane..." Dilly grabbed me closer towards him. I felt him kiss my forehead. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry for for pushing you away, I'm sorry for being such a coward. Please don't be mad anymore... Please stop avoiding me... I want to be by your side again. I want to be with you again. Can we start over?"

          I stared at Dilly's eyes. "I guess we both have anxiety issues... but promise me we won't let it get the best of us okay? We won't let our anxieties keep us from being together, from being happy?"

         Dilly nodded as he kissed my forehead again. "I promise."

         "I love you, Andy Lim," I whispered underneath my breath as I kissed him on his lips.

        "God, that sounds so good," Dilly chucked as he grabs me into a hug.

         Lying on the bed next to each other, I found myself in the most comfortable place, in his embrace.

         Hours later we had to continue helping out with the visitors. Dilly never left my side. He kept on following me around like a cute little kid. He said he was scared to lose sight of me again.

         Even as we got home, Dilly never wanted to leave my side, mabuti nalang at kahit papaano ay may takot siya sa stepdad ko, yun nga lang kinailangan pa talaga siyang kumbinsihin nila Chord na matakot sa stepdad ko.

          Almost every day, Dilly never failed to show up in our house and even in my school. My parents almost asked for a 'Dilly day-off', isang araw sa linggo na walang Dilly na magpapakita sa bahay but they didn't push through kasi nakikita rin naman nilang masaya ako kay Dilly.

          Dilly and I, we were happy with each other. 

END OF CHAPTER 15!

Note: I'm really sorry for this late update hehe

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