Book name: Fate's Melody
Fandom: Love Live!
Genre: Music
Author: ReverS3
POV: First person view
Content: 23
Status: Completed

Remarks: "I want to improve on my first book so that I know what to be careful of for my books to come."

- Rever-san

A) Cover - A+ (9.6)
...1) Image [ A- ]
...2) Font [ A+ ]
...3) Color scheme [ A+ ]
...4) Resolution [ A+ ]
...5) Implicative Aspect [ A+ ]
...6) Impact [ A- ]
...7) Meaning [ A+ ]

B) Description - A+ (10)
...1) Style [ A+ ]
...2) Relevance [ A+ ]
...3) Mysticism [ A+ ]
...4) Neatness [ A+ ]

C) Storyline - B (8.2)
...1) Chapter length [ D ]
...2) Prioritization [ A+ ]
...3) Spotlights [ A+ ]
...4) Composition/Style [ E ]
...5) Presence of Plotline [ A+ ]
...6) Originality [ B+ ]
...7) Efficiency [ B+ ]

D) Characters - E (5.7)
...1) Accuracy [ A+ ]
...2) Description [ F ]
......a) Style
......b) Vividness
......c) Impact
......d) Originality (only OC characters)
...3) Presence [ B- ]
......1) Scene distribution
......2) Contribution to story

E) Dialogue - B- (7.8)
...1) Accuracy [ B+ ]
...2) Density/Weight [ C+ ]
...3) Language [ A- ]
...4) Richness [ C+ ]
......a) Description of actions
......b) Linear to scene
......c) Creativity
...5) Length [ C+ ]
...6) Delivery [ B- ]
...7) Neatness [ C+ ]

F) Setting - B- (8.5)
...1) Direction [ B ]
...2) Number of locations [ B ]
...3) Vividness [ D ]
...4) Scenario [ B- ]
...5) Names [ C- ]
......a) Locations
......b) Characters
......c) Others

G) Technicals - B (8.4)
...1) Errors [ B+ ]
......a) Grammar
......b) Punctuation
......c) Typo
...2) Arrangement [ C+ ]
...3) Encapsulation of idea [ A- ]
...4) Mood [ B+ ]
...5) Book title [ B ]
...6) Genre relevance and accuracy [ B+ ]

* * * * * * * *

Verdict :
Book rating: 8.3/10.0 (B-)
Potential: 72%

* * * * * * * *

A) Cover
Can't say much except say that it's pretty good and that it matches everything well :) 

B) Description
You did a fantastic job writing the description! Though brief, you only shared the necessary details to mystify readers to get interested with your book.

Keep up the good work!

C) Storyline
Mmm, I must say the story was well-though of :) It was really heart-warming to find that Maki was doing her best to change her parents' mind about the music she loved so much. I also enjoyed that her friends were doing their best to help their friend as much as they can. The time travel thing was pretty cute to be honest, hehe.

Now that I've said that, there's a lot of stuff you could improve on like: more drama, more story background, and more details on Maki's life. It's good that you emphasized on this part of her life, but a good book would say more, no? When I mean drama, maybe you could put more scenes of the tension of music between Maki and her mom. And maybe more light on her parents like telling your readers how the two interact with each other, how they converse, and how they're relationship is like.

You could also, if you only wanted to use the time-traveling just to show the readers that Rozu hates music because it disappointed her mom, maybe you could have shown that there were more than just CDs with Rozu on it. You could have added magazines, newspapers, and maybe Maki would find someone or an old friend of Rozu's that would explain to the girls why Rozu quitted and hated music. In this way, you could make an excuse to make an argument and confrontation scene between two idols. In this way, Rozu would just cry her heart out to her daughter :)

More interaction, more drama ;)

D) Characters
The characters were a little confusing because this whole thing was made in first POV and you're assuming that the readers already know who the characters are. To be honest, I don't watch Love Live! so I couldn't picture how the characters looked like xD

But they were well portrayed and very cute.

E) Dialogue
The dialogues are fine, and perhaps close to perfect. It's written quite well and the conversations between two characters are thrilling in itself in the sense that the reader would be guessing how the other would reply. I could say that the weight and density was decent and well written, it's not too heavy and is friendly for young viewers.

The delivery was superb and I give a thumbs up for that. It was also very neat and the lengths were decent. The parallel actions to the dialogue was also superb, so great job!

Your writing style is what I would call straightforward because it immediately pinpoints the characters, and since it's in the first point of view of Kera-san, the universe revolves around her. It's nothing bad, and I really like how you wrote the book.

F) Setting
The settings were a bit of a problem: I had to guess where Kera-san was and how the places looked like.

I personally like vivid books, but this is just my personal opinion. Although you mentioned the places which justified some points of the lacking world view. But come to think of it, using first point of view for vividness isn't actually good, but it would be better if you could describe the place more according to what Kera sees. It would allow the readers to imagine the place according to how Kera would describe it. I had to picture everything according to my imagination, and because I barely watch Bleach I had to base a lot from what I was able to see.

But overall, you did a good job.

G) Technicals
I know it's in first POV, but there were some paragraphs that can still be merged together. Paragraphs after all are supposed to describe or tell about something. Like this part:

These two paragraphs can be merged as one. There's a lot of parts in your chapters that can also be merged. Your chapters might become shorter, but stuff can really be like that.

Another is that when a new speaker comes up in the chapter, it is necessary to make a new paragraph. Like this one:

The red circle means a new paragraph because it is Nico speaking, while the purple colored ones are Maki's replies. You merged them all into one paragraph, but you should separate them all.

And by the way, when you're writing for emphasis you should make the words italicized instead of bolded.

* * * * *

Concluding remarks:

Good job writing! Though short, I'm impressed to see how you wrote story. I've always been pretty meticulous on the number of words for each chapter like I used to aim for 3000 words but now I aim at 5000; I didn't expect that the chapters in the story would be at most a thousand words. Welp, I guess everyone has this kind of a start, but I'll encourage you to lengthen your chapters. It's good for you and your writing career/hobby here in Wattpad.

There's a lot of improvement that you could do to improve the book, but you did a pretty good job with the plot. So I wish you good luck in improving this book and to your books for the future!

- R