NERVOUSLY I NESTLE at my far too provocative dress that Candice has insisted on. Mary's Diner is extremely crowded, even more, crowded than the last time I was here with Avery, my brother, and my parents. I block out any voices as I let my eyes wander around the restaurant.

Kolin is nowhere in sight and I'm beginning to worry that he might not come at all. After all, he is already half an hour late. 

Candice, Bronwyn, and Peter are sitting at the other end of the restaurant, heads tucked behind their menus, trying to draw as little attention to themselves as possible.

I frown. The menu move makes them even more conspicuous, which is why I decide to text Bronwyn. Kolin isn't stupid, after all, and will notice ─

"Sydney-Britney." 

I try hard not to roll my eyes and raise my head. Candice was right. Kolin has indeed dressed up just like me and is standing in front of me in an elegant suit. 

The skin-tight black dress still doesn't feel right. 

He sits down opposite me at the table and takes his time looking me up and down. "You look really good." 

Strange how cold that complement leaves me right now, while Dean always makes me blush bright red. "Thanks. You ... um ... too." 

I have to try really hard not to pick up my legs and run away. I keep reminding myself that I'm doing this for Dean and me, so we can finally have our peace from Kolin. Best I just pretend Dean is sitting in front of me, then maybe I won't pull an 'I-want-to-get-out-of-here' face anymore. 

"Sorry I'm late," Kolin mutters as he reaches for a card. "Gavin just wanted to show me something very interesting. I'm sure you'd like to see it too." 

My phone is right next to me on the table, however Kolin has no idea that it is recording everything he says. "Oh yeah, what did he show you?", I want to know. My curiosity is the only genuine thing at this moment. 

Kolin smiles knowingly. "I won't tell you until I can be quite sure of the reason you are here."

When I say nothing in reply, he says, "What, you think I don't know that you've only come for information? I'm not stupid, Syd. Besides, you made it pretty clear what you thought of me the other day when you yelled at me and slapped me in the face." 

Kolin has no idea how much I'd like to do it again. "I'm here because I want to, Kolin, and because I have to finally let go of Dean." 

Lie. 

But he buys it and grins. "I was so hoping you'd say that." 

I feel like throwing up as he reaches for my hand and intertwines our fingers. He used to do that when we went out to dinner together. Only I liked it then because there hadn't been a potential psychopath in front of me. 

Kolin decides on a lasagne while I go for a pasta plate. It won't taste quite as good as Dean's, but at least I'll have something to remember about him and get me through this evening. I also order an alcoholic cocktail, which I hope will loosen me up a bit. 

When the drinks are brought, I take a big sip. "Can I ask you something?" 

"Of course, Syd." Kolin sips his Coke and eyes me scrutinizingly. 

"How come you never told me about Dean? I mean, you guys talk about how you sort of grew up together all the time, but yet you never introduced me to him. We were generally at my house more than we were at yours. Why?"

If Kolin is uncomfortable with the subject, he doesn't let it show. "As I said a few days ago, my parents were more infatuated with Dean than me until college. I guess I was just embarrassed to admit it to you, you know? Besides, I didn't want you to think I was a failure." 

"You know what?" I mean my next words one hundred percent truthfully. "I'd rather you be a failure than frantically trying to be someone you're not."

"What do you mean?" His gaze burns into my skin as he leans forward. 

I swallow hard. "The way you've been acting the last few months ... that just wasn't you. The Kolin I went to high school with was sweet and caring. He didn't mess with the wrong people and make plans." 

"Well, that's me now," he counters. "So either come to terms with the idea or leave." 

I quickly try to change the subject to something else. "How did you meet Xander, Hunter, and Gavin anyway?" 

He seems mollified and like he was hoping I would ask that question. "I met Gavin when I was still in Tennessee. We never went to the same school, but we still crossed paths. It was a coincidence that we both knew Dean. We knew what kind of person he was and I guess that kind of bonded us." 

"Is that why you went to the University of New Haven? Because of Gavin?" 

"No, originally because Dean was a student there," he replies. "Gavin went to college before me, and he ran into Hunter and Xander there, who were friends with Dean at the time. Xander hates Dean for no particular reason. As you may have picked up, he's just a little," he waves his hand around in front of his face, "crazy." 

That describes him almost perfectly.

"Did Hunter know he had planned to abuse his sister and have her killed so he could blame it on Dean?" 

Kolin snorts. "Sydney, Hollyn being dead was pure coincidence. It never even occurred to me to frame Dean for anything until then. I found out about his escape through Gavin, Hunter, and Xander and just saw it as a twist of fate and the perfect moment to make his life hell." 

"So at the time Hollyn was murdered, you were still home in Tennessee." I hope so much that I was no longer dating him back there. I count the months in my head and breathe a sigh of relief because it was long over between us at that point. 

Our food is brought and I almost cry at the sight of the pasta. I miss Dean so much that it already physically hurts. It's almost surreal when I think about the fact that four months ago I lived what felt like a normal boring life and Dean has rushed into it like a storm and completely disrupted it.

He basically changed everything for me, even if that sounds very dramatic. But four months ago, I wouldn't have been jumping out of windows, running from the police, being interrogated by an officer, driving to a New York jail, and most importantly, I wouldn't be here with Kolin in a restaurant while my phone records the entire conversation and my friends sit a few tables away nervously watching the proceedings. 

My goal is to get Kolin to tell me what I need to know as quickly as possible, and then quickly get the hell out of there. 

With a heavy heart, I grasp Kolin's hand again, even though I would like to wash it. Still, I stay strong and try to put as much affection and trust into my words as I can. "You know who did it, don't you? Who took Hollyn's life?"

Kolin looks strangely dreamy at our hands and then nods. 

"And you also know it wasn't Dean?" 

Again he nods. "Yes, I've said that several times." 

I would have liked to smile triumphantly and look at my phone, which records everything, but I can control myself and continue to look stubbornly into his eyes. "Then tell me who it was. I promise I'll keep it to myself." 

I will keep it to myself, except for my phone. Is it mean that I don't feel a bit of remorse at this moment? To be honest, I can't wait to storm out of the restaurant in a few minutes. 

Kolin's blue eyes show no emotion, nor does his facial expression. From the way he keeps running his hand through his blond hair, however, I know for sure that he is struggling with himself. He wants to tell me and I really hope he will. Otherwise, I don't know what else I could do for Dean and me.

Suddenly he leans a little bit forward as he now reaches for both my hands. "Okay, I'll tell you. Think of it as a kind of ... Proof of love." 

Proof of love? 

If I had taken a sip of my cocktail, I would have spat it in his face now. 

"I did mention that Gavin showed me something earlier, didn't I?" 

I nod, beginning to suspect what's about to come. 

"Gavin ... He's always liked the women who would always choose Dean without batting an eyelid." Kolin smiles a little. " He did love Hollyn in particular though ─ she didn't want him though. You may already know that he called Hollyn at the party. She told him on the phone that she didn't want to know anything more about him and that he should stop following her all the time. Syd, Gavin wasn't just in love with Hollyn ..." 

"He was obsessed with her?", I finish his sentence. As I try to digest what Kolin has told me, a huge question mark spreads over my head. "But he didn't kill her, did he? He ... he couldn't do it ... could he?" 

Kolin doesn't address the questions at first. "You already know the story about Xander, as I heard from Hunter. Hollyn was still alive when Xander left, though. The next person to find her was Gavin. He showed me his warehouse earlier. He has an entire wall just of photos, diary entries, and items that once belonged to Hollyn. Don't ask me where he got all that stuff." 

I think of how I met Gavin. How he stood outside my door and put me down for talking too much. I think very carefully about what he said and it strikes me that he absolutely never said a word about Hollyn. For him, it's been as if she wasn't dead at all, perhaps because it makes it easier for him to live with his guilt. 

"Hollyn was just breathing weakly when Gavin found her," Kolin continues light-heartedly. "But he swears she would never have survived the trip to the hospital. Did Dean tell you how Hollyn died?" 

My heart thumps painfully against my ribs as I say, "She was choked to death." 

"That's right," Kolin replies, then runs a sigh through his blonde hair, "Gavin wanted to make her death easier. And unceremoniously choked her to death with a pillow." 

My fingers slip out of Kolin's hands as I lean back and take a deep breath. What Hollyn had to go through ... it's so sad and wrong. Gavin should have given her a chance, should have called the fucking ambulance instead of just giving up on her. 

I shake my head as I put my hands to my face. So Xander isn't the only one who's gone crazy, Gavin also has serious problems that he won't get rid of without therapy. And Kolin ... I just can't judge him, but I know he's telling the truth. After all, I know him, even if this version of him has nothing in common with the former one.

Nevertheless, my ex-boyfriend will not get away with it if I hand this recording over to the police. Gavin and Kolin will be put away, but Dean, who did absolutely nothing wrong, will go free.

And Hunter ... I wish him to get over his sister's murder and abuse at some point and start a new life, because Gavin, Xander, and Kolin won't be able to stand in his way anymore. Maybe Hunter and Dean will eventually work things out, but I'm not sure about that.

After all, Hunter thought Dean was Hollyn's murderer, even though it wasn't just Xander who was with Hollyn before them, but Gavin as well. Even at the trial, Hunter lied, though Dean and I are pretty sure it wasn't by choice. 

"Sydney-Britney? Was I not supposed to tell you that?" Kolin actually looks a little worried and the good nature in me doesn't want to hand him over, even if it's the right thing to do. 

Still, I know for a fact that Kolin deserves it. "Thank you for telling me." 

He just nods and then turns his attention to his lasagne, which must be quite cold by now. My noodles are, anyway. I glance at Candice, Bronwyn, and Peter, who are all looking at me questioningly. I nod only slightly to let them know that Kolin has told me everything. I would like to start crying, simply because I feel so terribly sorry for Hollyn, but I hold myself back. 

Because I have one more question for my ex-boyfriend. "Kolin?" He raises his head, chewing. "If you could ... would you do things differently?" 

Kolin doesn't hesitate with his answer.

"No. Everything is fine the way it is." 

That breaks me, rupturing the bubble of good faith around me. 

I take my plate of noodles in my hands and slap my food right in his face. Not all the people in Mary's Diner notice, only a few tables look over at us as Kolin groans and wipes the noodles out of his hair.

I hear laughter and look at my friends, who are already holding their bellies. 

All of a sudden, I know exactly what I have to do. I grab my phone, jacket, and bag and walk wordlessly past Kolin. With a huge smile on my lips, I leave the diner. 

And make my way to the New Haven Police Department.

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