"YOU ARE REALLY here," is the next thing I whisper, although Sydney still can't understand a word.

She sits bolt upright in her chair behind the thick glass partition and I think I see tears glistening in her eyes as she spots me too. Her hair is tied in a loose braid and she wears colorful clothes that don't match the grey of the walls at all. Her bubblegum-pink lips form a small smile as she reaches for the phone and looks at me promptly. 

The guy who came here with me is keeping his distance from me now, but he doesn't seem to have any intention of leaving the room. I'm not going to complain.

Excited, I sit down and also reach for the phone and then ... Silence. Neither of us knows what to say or what is appropriate under the circumstances. I would love to laugh. After all, this has always been my worst-case scenario and Sydney is also lucky enough to be experiencing it with me. 

Suddenly her eyes fall on my hands and she freezes. "Why are you shaking?" 

Irritated, I raise my palms and sure enough, they move as if by themselves. I know exactly why, yet I raise my shoulders in a playfully clueless manner. "I ... um ... I've been lifting weights." 

"Dean." My name out of her mouth is a single threat at that moment. "Your hands always shake when you hit someone." 

"What?" I draw out the word dramatically and shake my head violently. "Since when do I fight?"

"Cut the crap. What happened before you came?" 

"Okay, maybe I got into it with some guys, but they started it." I really do sound like a ten-year-old little kid, but whatever. "And then Xander came along and I kind of had to punch him after everything he did to Hollyn." 

She breathes a sigh of relief and seems to have expected worse. Then something happens that I wasn't expecting: She laughs. Brightly and quietly and her eyes even fill a little with tears of laughter as she does so, which I wish I could have wiped from her rosy cheeks. God, I missed her so much. These three days were almost unbearable without her. 

"I missed you," she says when she has calmed down again. "Missed you a lot. So much so that I've been sleeping in your bed the last few nights, which you should never have known." 

I grin. "I would have smelt it." 

"What?" she asks incredulously, laughing again. "Dean, you're not a sniffing dog!" 

"No, but you still have a special smell." I can't believe we're sitting here talking about smells when the situation we're in is actually so serious.

Still, I love Sydney's and my conversations, even if they are often filled with nonsense, my sayings, and discussions. 

Smiling, she leans forward a little. "Oh yeah, what do I smell like?" 

"Like the sun," I reply before I can stop myself. I really am a hopeless romantic when it comes down to it. I feel myself blushing as I clear my throat. "Well, that's just how I imagine the sun smells." 

To my surprise, she grins to herself.

Then we suddenly realize the seriousness of the situation and look at each other sadly. We don't say anything, but we don't have to, because after all, there isn't much to say about the circumstances we find ourselves in, except that we both wish we could talk to each other without a glass partition. 

I'm not even concerned with touching it. The partition just feels like an insurmountable barrier that's between Sydney and me that doesn't really belong there. 

"I'm sorry," I say after a few seconds. "This could have been prevented by me. Twice." 

She frowns a little. "What are you talking about?" 

I swallow as I still can't quite believe she's really here. She drove over an hour to see me and talk to me. I'm not saying I wouldn't have done the same for her, I'm just saying that after everything Sydney did for me, it still surprises me. "Hunter warned me about this party and I went anyway, even though I secretly knew I was going to get arrested there. And everything kind of went downhill from there. If I had just called my parents, maybe I wouldn't be sitting here." 

"Kolin would have just taken another opportunity," she contradicts me, shaking her head. "Besides, it wasn't all downhill." Her big blue eyes don't avert their gaze as she fiddles with the phone cord. 

I know exactly what she's talking about. Our first night together. Our good as well as disastrous dates. The last two weeks I got to spend with Sydney have been amazing and I'm kind of relieved that it's not just me who thinks so. "Why are you here, Curly?" 

Her cheeks blush a little at the nickname, then she squints over at the guy across the room and speaks a little more softly. "I needed to see you. And talk to you about something very important that you're one hundred percent not going to approve of." 

"Sounds promising," I counter with a hesitant laugh. I should be embarrassed by the way Sydney is about to see me: with unwashed hair, a bloody lip that luckily she hasn't noticed yet, and orange prison clothes that itch strangely on my skin. She doesn't speak to me about any of it and treats me the same as always. I appreciate that very much. 

She clears her throat softly, then her lips part. I already know she's going to talk a lot and I have to smile a little. "Listen. Candice had this completely insane idea, which isn't so insane anymore the more I think about it. The fact is Kolin is the only one who knows who really killed Hollyn and who would he confide in more than me? He's been wanting to meet and talk to me for months and I know you won't agree, but I've made an appointment with him. No, don't say anything yet! I'm not finished yet. Kolin will tell me who it was if I try hard enough. Believe me when I tell you I'm sick to my stomach thinking about tomorrow, but it's the only solution." 

My voice is a single croak as I retort, "You're already meeting him tomorrow?" 

She nods and actually turns a little pale around the nose. "I will record the conversation and Bronwyn, Peter and Candice will not leave my side if something happens. Please don't make me feel guilty by asking me not to. Because you know very well that I will do it one way or another. And not for myself, I hope you realize that." 

My heart beats fast against my ribs as I run a hand over my face once. "Then why are you even here if you don't care about my opinion?" 

"It's not like that and you know it." 

"Sydney, imagine if it was the other way around and I asked you if you'd allow me to go out with .... Candice. Secretly, though, I'm going to do it either way because I'm desperate to get you out of here and I'd do anything to do it. How would that make you feel?" 

"Helpless," she answers immediately.

Silence spreads between us as I think about how I will ever cope with her having to go out with Kolin because of me. What if he touches her or kisses her? The thought makes me want to punch something. 

"Dean?" 

I lift my head and look up into her pretty face. "Yes?" 

"I love you." 

The phone almost slips from my hands.  It's only the third time I've heard those words come out of her mouth, but my reaction is the same: my heart races, my eyes widen and my mind goes blank. 

Sydney smiles a little at my perplexed silence. "For me, there is only you. There's never been anyone else and there never will be anyone else that I love as much." 

Is she trying to fucking kill me with those words? My heart is almost thumping painfully against my ribs by now. 

"You just have to trust me about Kolin," she says. 

Trust? Isn't trust always associated with pain and betrayal with me? 

"You can trust me," she affirms.

My throat feels dry as I nod. "I know." 

And yet it's not easy to watch Sydney leave the room just a few minutes later. I can't talk to her any longer than that, says the guy who brought me here. I reply that I don't care and that she should stay, but he just laughs and pulls me away from my chair. For Sydney's sake, I don't start an argument with him that would probably end in violence because it simply won't do any good. 

I turn my head towards her, but the guy drags me out of the room with a lot of force and shouts something in my face that I can't understand because I want to catch a single glimpse of Sydney. And then I suddenly become painfully aware that I haven't said anything back to her beautiful words. 

But even if I had shouted to Sydney that I loved her ... she wouldn't have heard me through the glass wall.

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