"I'M GOING TO TALK WITH BRONWYN today." 

I look suspiciously at Peter, who is smoothing down his blue plaid shirt and meanwhile looking at himself from all angles in the mirror. His dark hair is sitting neatly because he's used about a ton of gel, and his expression is nervous and happy at the same time. He seems genuinely excited about the party tonight. 

Unlike me actually. 

The only reason I'm even going is because of Sydney, who almost begged me to go with her. At the last two parties it always seemed like she would prefer to be somewhere else but this time it seems to be important to her. And that somehow automatically makes it important to me, too. 

I put the video camera I've been holding in my hands for the past hour on Peter's desk, and only then I turn to him and squint my eyes a little. "So what are you going to say to her?" 

"I'm not sure yet," he mumbles as he adjusts his shirt collar. "Maybe something like, 'Well, how are you,' that's fluffy and casual." 

Grinning, I shake my head. "I beg you not to. Rather, ask her if she goes to parties often and then starts a real conversation. To a 'Well, how are you' she'll just say 'Good, and you,' to which you'll say 'Good too.' And with that, the conversation will be over and you'll stand uncomfortably next to each other for a few more seconds until one of you walks away." 

"What did you say to Sydney, then?" He squints his eyes. "Let me guess. Not with a 'Well, how are you'?" 

"That's right. I banged on her door until she let me in, and if I remember correctly, my first words were directed at the rolling pin in her hands." 

He laughs. "Well, then I can't do anything wrong." 

At that moment, Candice rushes into Peter's room and holds two dresses up to our faces. She looks a little frantic and stressed as her gaze keeps shifting between Peter and me. "I need your help. What dress would make you want to get me railed?" 

"That was expressed directly." Peter blinks a few times in perplexity. 

My gaze wanders back and forth between the red dress and the dark green dress until I draw my eyebrows together in irritation. "You want to get railed?" 

"That wasn't my question," Candice hisses. 

"Is everything okay with you?" In fact, Candice is extremely moody, even for her standards. And picking up someone she barely knows at a party is something she only does when she's feeling like crap. 

She shakes her head vigorously. "That's none of your business. Why am I even coming to you guys with this? Where are Sydney and Bronwyn when you need them for once in your life?" 

"I hardly think they would be happy to help you," I counter before I can stop myself. 

Candice makes an indefinable sound, then points to the video camera. "Was there at least anything useful?" 

Peter shakes his head. "We've already searched all the images and found nothing. Either this was all a hoax by Kolin or we're missing something." 

"Then I'd say you guys should really look." With that, Candice leaves, not without dramatically slamming the door, of course. 

"How do you even handle being with her?", I ask Peter.

"She's actually not as bad as everyone thinks. Two days ago I cooked for us and almost set the kitchen on fire and you know what she did? She smiled. We get along really well most of the time and know when we both need our space. Plus, out of the two of us, she's the better cook, so I can't really complain at all." 

I wonder if Sydney can cook, too. She once mentioned that Bronwyn is usually the one making dinner, so I'm guessing no, but no matter how bad she is at cooking, I'm definitely worse at it. Slowly, the corners of my mouth lift. Because, who knows, maybe after all this she and I will take a cooking class and become real professionals in the kitchen someday? And even if we should set the kitchen almost on fire as Peter did, we would also smile like Candice and try it again. 

I like the thought of Sydney and me in our own kitchen so much that I completely digress and stop listening to Peter. 

"Dee?" 

"Mhm?", I mumble, looking up. "What did you say?" 

He eyes me for a few seconds, then shakes his head. "Doesn't matter what I said. But honestly, man ... what's up with you and Sydney? You guys have a fight or something?" 

"What makes you think that?" 

"You guys have barely seen each other the last few days, and you often seem like you're somewhere else. With your mind on her, I mean. It's almost worse than me with Bronwyn." 

"Nothing's worse than your crush on her," I retort dryly. "Sydney and I don't fight. She's just pretty busy with college and classes." 

Peter runs his hand through his hair again and looks in the mirror, then stops. "Why aren't you guys together, anyway?" 

The question hits me so unexpectedly that it leaves me speechless. 

"I mean ... it's pretty obvious, Dean." 

Playing clueless, I shrug once. "What's obvious?" 

"That you love her." 

Love? 

I've never been in love. I often thought it was love, but looking back, I'd say it was more like a crush. What I feel for Sydney is so far indescribable ─ literally. I can't put into words how I feel about her because as soon as I would, it would be sealed. But that Peter, of all people, is the one to say what I've been thinking so far is wrong. 

I wish Gavin had been the one, even though I swore to myself that I would never think such a thing again. 

Peter seems to realize that he's hit a nerve, and steps unsteadily from one foot to the other. "'Scuse me. It's none of my business, of course. I just thought ... it's not important." 

"What did you think?", I want to know curiously. 

"I thought you realized that she loves you, too." 

"She doesn't. Not like that." 

"Why not?"

"Well, last time I checked, I was still a murder suspect. I have nothing to prove it, Peter. I'm a nobody, and all I do is make chaos. And Sydney is ..." I swallow hard. "She deserves better, you know? As long as I can't fix anything in my life, I can't even think about deserving her." 

"Your problem is that you don't think you deserve happiness, Dean, but that's not true. It's just like you say. You're a murder suspect, not a murderer. And Sydney knows that otherwise she would hardly look at you the way she does. What I'm telling you is that if I were you, I wouldn't hesitate anymore, because you have no idea what the future holds for you. You don't know if you're really going to walk away in the end or if the worst will happen, you're going to be convicted. This is your chance with Sydney, so get the hell out of there and don't make her and you wait anymore." 

I have to process what Peter has said. Swallowing, I sink into one of his two seat cushions and stare at the floor, a little lost. The longer I chew his words in my mouth, the more I want to kick myself in the ass. 

Because it's true. 

We all assume that with the help of Candice's mother and the testimony of my friends, I'll be released, but what if I'm not? What if I really do go to jail? What if I will never see Sydney again? 

I start to feel sick. 

Again, Peter gets nervous. "I really need to learn how to shut up." 

"No," I clarify. "Please give me a verbal ass-kicking like that often." 

"If you insist," he mutters. "Because there's more I could say." 

Waiting, I nod. 

"In my opinion, you're delaying the inevitable. By the time you get caught, it'll be another week. On the other hand ... I can also understand why you're waiting so long, but if you're going to do it, use the time and be happy with Sydney." 

The corners of my mouth slowly lift as I stand up. "You are a really good friend, Pee." 

He grimaces at the nickname but then smiles. 

"IT KNOCKED!" yells Candice from her room. "OPEN THE DOOR, NOW!" 

Peter and I shoot each other a look, then I go ahead into the living room. Candice's room is just as far from the door as Peter's, so why do we two have to open the door? The only reason I give in is that she's obviously super irritated. Unsuspecting, I open the door and stop the next moment. 

Hunter is standing in front of me. 

Hunter, like my friend at the time, Hunter, who I had been with at basically every party. Hunter, like Hollyn's brother Hunter, who was coldly murdered. Hunter, like the Hunter who beat the crap out of me when he saw me with his dead sister in my arms. 

I want to slam the door shut in his face, but somehow he beats me to it and puts his foot between us. Annoyed, I look at him. "You have ten seconds to explain what you're doing here." 

"I'm really sorry if I'm bothering you." He swallows noticeably. "And I know you don't want to see me, but ..." 

"Six, five, four, three, two, one. And have a nice day." When I try to close the door again, he holds his hand out against it. 

"I gave you the hint with the camera, Dean. There's no reason not to trust me." 

"There's more like a million reasons to not trust you," Peter mutters next to me.

Hunter looks somehow different than he did a few months ago. His dark hair is longer and goes down to his ears, he should shave again, and his eyes wander frantically from me to Peter and back again. He looks upset. I wonder how he handled Hollyn's death. The fact that he's on Xander's side kind of answers the question. 

I don't want to think anything good about Hunter. That maybe he's just with him to find out what his sister's murder is all about. When I start thinking like that, I also start trusting him, and as many times as my trust has been broken, I don't forgive it as easily. 

"You are definitely not going to the student party, do you hear me?" Now Hunter is frantically looking around the dorm hallway. "Kolin knows you have the video camera, and now he has no reason to let you run around free." 

"What's so great about that camera?" asks Peter. "We've already looked at every photo and found nothing." 

Hunter shakes his head in panic. "It's not a photo. It's a video that Kolin wants. And now that you have it, he has to hand you over to the police or it will come out that ..." 

"That what?" Completely beside myself, I stumble back a few steps. "Why don't you say something useful while you're here, even if I wouldn't believe anything you say? Why should you? Why would you suddenly help me now after eight months?" 

He shakes his head quickly. "It's all not as simple as you think. It's all a lot more entangled than even I thought at first. All you need to know is that you should stay home today. Unless you feel like dealing with the police. And this time, Kolin will make sure that you can't run away anymore." 

"Save the sarcasm and go," I urge him. "I know exactly what I'm doing. And I don't need your help, so don't you come back here." 

"Dean." Peter puts a hand on my shoulder and squeezes it lightly. "You should think about going with me today. What if Hunter ─" 

"No." My tone leaves no room for argument. "I'm going with you to this party. I promised Sydney." 

I can't deny that a small part of me believes Hunter's words as I look him in the face now. Something tells me that something is going to happen tonight. And yet, I don't listen to Hunter or Peter, because I deserve an evening where I can just let go and not think about what kind of situation I'm in. Maybe it's frivolous of me, but then again... 

When have I not been reckless?

-