PETER REMINDS ME a little bit of a high school nerd, but that has absolutely nothing to do with his looks. In fact, he looks a bit like me. The fact that I think he's a high school nerd has something to do with his somewhat insecure behavior. When he laughs, it's not too loud, when he talks about something, there are more technical words than I know ─ and I studied psychology, even though I wasn't done with it yet ─ and when he accidentally swears, he gets red like a tomato. 

Still, I like him, even though I've only known him for two days. He hasn't judged me since day one and has listened first to my side of the story. Of course, he was practically live there when Hollyn was murdered, but still, he seems like the type who never judges anyone. 

Otherwise, I wouldn't know how he could hang with Candice in a tiny room for so long. 

At first, I thought they had something going on and just liked each other for that reason, but I realized pretty quickly that they just get along well. Even though it was hard for me at first to imagine how that could be possible with such different people.

When Peter opens the door for Sydney and me, he immediately smiles at us and lets us in. He can barely hide his almost proud expression. "I knew you were hiding in the cemetery." 

"How did you figure that out from your conversation, anyway?" asks Sydney curiously as she takes her shoes off.

That's what I'd like to know, too. 

Peter looks at me. "When I asked you, you answered 'I sleep with the dead' and even though it was supposed to be a joke, I was sure it was serious." 

"Yes, but how many cemeteries have New Haven? Ten?", I ask, playfully unimpressed. 

But Peter doesn't let himself be distracted. "Grove Street Cemetery is the only cemetery nearby that you can get to without public transportation." 

"You really are a genius, Pee," I reply with a grin now.

"I told you to stop calling me that, Dee." 

"I really don't mean to interrupt, especially since your nicknames are really awesome," Sydney interjects with a smirk, "but we all need to talk. I've already texted Bronwyn and she says she'll be here in a minute. I hope that's okay, Peter. Or do you two know each other somehow?" 

"Bronwyn Leigh?" His face suddenly pales and he swallows hard. "Uh, yeah, I know her. Sort of." 

In other words, he's into her. 

Sydney doesn't seem to get that, because she looks confused, looks at me, and then shrugs. When there's a knock a few seconds later, Peter runs his hand nearly panicking through his hair to fix it somehow, and then looks at me questioningly. I give him my thumb up and nod, even though he looks like a ... Paintbrush. But it's too late now anyway. 

Bronwyn appears in the doorway and immediately holds out a ghetto fist which I return, laughing softly. She then throws her long dark ponytail over her shoulder and looks first at Sydney and then at Peter. The look on her face clearly shows that she has no idea who he is. 

"Hi," is all Peter manages to get out, and even at that little word he stammers. 

He definitely needs my help.

So I put my arm around him and nudge him lightly in Bronwyn's direction. "This here is Peter Wardwell. He's involved in everything, ninety-nine percent trustworthy, and pretty good-looking, too." 

Sydney turns away and slaps her hand against her forehead. 

Bronwyn laughs nervously, "Hi, Peter. I'm Bronwyn Leigh, also involved in everything, one hundred percent trustworthy, and also pretty good-looking." 

Peter blushes a little bit and is about to say something, but Candice suddenly joins us. I forgot that she lives here, too ...  "Is this a party I wasn't invited to?" Her voice is emphatically friendly, but her facial expression clearly says she's about to kick us all out. 

"Something like that," Sydney replies, also emphatically friendly. "I was thinking that it would be maybe good for us to talk about the current situation. Because there wasn't really a plan so far, it was mostly Gavin being there whenever something went wrong. But since that's not the case anymore ─" 

"Did you think you could just decide what we do now," Candice finishes her sentence. "Don't you think Dean can decide it on his own?" 

"No, I think Dean and I decided this together," she replies with a smile in my direction, for which I would have loved to kiss her right here and now. Who knew I would want her, even more, when she's jealous? 

Candice crosses her arms in front of her chest in a huff. "So, are you guys together now or what?" 

Are we? I want to say "Yes!" loudly, just to piss Candice off, and Sydney seems to feel the same way. But we're adults and we know full well that lying is not the answer here. Because it would be lying. 

A satisfied grin spreads on Candice's lips when she doesn't get an answer. 

Bronwyn snorts. "Are you done now, Candice? Because we're just standing here idly doing nothing because you're into drama. As usual." With that, she disappears out of the hallway, Candice follows her loudly protesting, Sydney goes after them as well after a few seconds, and so it is just Peter and me standing here. 

"Ninety-nine percent trustworthy?" 

Smiling slightly, I look at him. "There's only one person who gets the full one hundred percent." 

"Bronwyn?" 

"What makes you think that? It's Sydney, of course." 

Again, he runs his hand through his hair and blushes promptly. "Oh, I see." 

"You're ruining your hair, Pee." I try to show him how to fix his hair, but he only makes it worse afterward. Even though it's about to make the situation pretty weird, I walk up to him and deal with the debacle in less than five seconds. 

The corners of Peter's mouth lift. "You sure that hundred percent isn't meant for me?" 

"Wow, so you can be direct and confident after all," I say with a laugh. Then I turn abruptly serious. "Just be the same way towards Bronwyn." 

"I'd love to, but she kind of makes me so nervous and shy. Or rather, more shy than usual." Sighing, he runs his hand over his face once. "She and I have been going to the same class for months, and yet she didn't recognize me a minute ago. Do you think she's into those ... Badboy dudes?"

I grimace. "As far as I know, she had a date with Hunter. Just talk to her like you're talking with me." 

"So you want me to nickname her Brr?" 

For the love of God, no. 

Sydney pokes her head around the corner and smiles happily at us. "Are you guys coming? Because I can't handle another second with Bronwyn and Candice in the same room." 

Peter nods and walks past her with newfound confidence. Sydney walks all the way around the corner now, glowing even more than usual. Like the sun. And I would love to punch myself in the face for that thought again. 

"Stop that," I demand softly. 

She grins from ear to ear. "Stop what?" 

"Stop looking at me like that. Because it makes it even harder to not kiss you, Curly." 

As if that would be possible, she glows even more now. "I'm just so glad you guys are getting along, Dean. Peter seems pretty cool." 

Slowly, I walk toward her until I'm standing right in front of her. "But I'm cooler." 

"Are you really going to argue with me about this now? Because I hate arguing with you." 

"Lie." I brush a light blond strand over her shoulder and then touch the bare skin on her shoulder that I've freed. "You love to argue with me. Sometimes even more than anything else in the world." 

She gasps as my fingertips brush over her soft skin just inches above her breast. Very slowly, I lower my lips to the sensitive spot under her ear and press a gentle long kiss on it. She almost lets herself fall and I hold her waist for safety. 

It's crazy, what we're doing. What I'm doing. I can't be with Sydney, but I also can't stay so far away from her without touching her. I need to touch her all the time and I need the little sounds coming out of her mouth like the air I breathe. But at the same time, we should be busy with completely different things right now and those things have nothing to do with thoughts of touching and kissing. 

What the hell am I doing here?

We should be sitting in the living room making plans with Candice, Bronwyn, and Peter.

Suddenly Sydney claws into my hoodie and moans softly as my lips move from her ear down to her neck. I kiss her all the way to her chin and then I stop. She opens her eyes, which flares with pure desire, of which I'm not sure for a moment if it was really me who caused it. However, I'm one hundred percent sure I'm the cause as her gaze falls to my lips and her chest rises up and down uncontrollably.

"We should probably go to the others," she whispers softly as I make no move to kiss her. 

Because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to stop doing that anytime soon, and after all, we are in Candice's apartment. I definitely don't want our first kiss on her floor. 

Still, I don't let her go at first.

"Sydney ..." 

"What is it?" Her big blue eyes don't seem to miss any emotion on my face as she looks at me.

I had actually intended to say a lot, but the words somehow stick in my throat. I can't manage more than a "You're right. We really should go to the others." 

She was probably hoping for more and nods a little bit disappointed. I really would like to tell her so much, but what would be the point? We just can't have a normal relationship because my life is way too screwed up and chaotic for it. I'm pretty sure she knows that, but it doesn't seem to bother her for some reason. She wants me, but she doesn't just want my body. She wants to know how I'm doing, she wants me to have friends like Peter, she wants my annoying nature ─ even though she'd never admitted it ─ and most of all, she wants me to finally have a normal life. 

"There you are...finally," comes a little angrily from Candice, but Sydney and I are too upset to even look at her. Sydney sits down next to Bronwyn, who immediately notices that something is wrong, and I stand with Peter, who also looks at me questioningly. Is it normal that we can both see through each other so well after only two days? It's probably rather insane. 

"I have a question," Bronwyn suddenly calls out. 

Peter doesn't blush this time as he says, "What question?" 

"Why are we sitting here?" Bronwyn is visibly uncomfortable as she only gets confused looks from us. "What I mean is that we are in the majority after all. If we all gave evidence to the police, then they must consider that they're following false leads, and Hunter, Xander, Kolin, and Gavin couldn't do you any damn thing." 

"Kolin's parents are working with mine," I reply straight out. "The investigation goes almost exclusively from them, so it's always going to be easy for Kolin to change their minds." 

"But the longer you run away, the more suspicious you make yourself," Peter interjects, with which he is unfortunately right.

"If I give myself up, it's all over." It almost makes me angry how vulnerable I'm showing myself right now, but Sydney was also right when she said two days ago that if I keep ignoring the things that are going on inside me, I will break down sooner or later. Or so. "I'll probably be interrogated first, then I'll be in court, and who knows what will happen after that. I don't have the money for a lawyer and my parents certainly won't support me." 

"You're basically walking into the unknown," Sydney murmurs. "Still, you didn't do it, Dean. You're not a murderer. And if your parents do a halfway good job, Kolin won't be able to talk them into anything either. No one can lock you in jail for something you didn't do."

"You don't know that," I return. 

"I know that we're all behind you and that, unlike Xander, Hunter, and Kolin, we'll make real statements." 

"And who's going to assure me that that will be enough?" 

"Okay, stop," Peter shouts. "Calm down again, okay? Because I think you're both right in what you're saying, which doesn't make things any easier." 

I don't miss how Bronwyn is scanning Peter up and down at this moment. I almost grin at that, but the topic of conversation is way too serious for that.

I'm tempted to sit down, put my head on my lap, cross my arms at the back of my neck, and scream loudly. Because I don't know how much longer I can keep this all up. How many months have actually passed since Hollyn's death? While the others discuss loudly, I count slowly, but I'm so unfocused that I miscount three times and have to start all over again. 

I think it's almost nine months. 

"Dean?" 

Or is it still eight months? 

"Dean, look at me." 

Why is it so hard for me to count the months? I studied psychology and could pronounce and remember the most difficult words, but Hollyn's death almost slipped my mind right now. What date is it, anyway? 

Sydney wraps her hands on my face and looks at me urgently as she gently brushes my cheek. "Hey, hey, hey. I'm sorry if I overwhelmed you a minute ago. I just want to ..." She fails to finish the sentence and lowers her head because there may be tears in her eyes. 

"I know, Sydney." Slowly, I lift her head. "And it's not your fault. I was just thinking about what date we even have." 

"It's March seventh," Candice says suddenly, after glancing at the screen of her phone. 

As if she thinks that I'm completely stupid now, she tells me the year, too. 

Bronwyn snorts. "Thanks, we all forgot that already." 

"Is everything okay now?" asks Sydney, still concerned. 

I nod, gently moving her hands from my face and pressing a kiss on her right hand. "I'm fine." 

She realizes that I'm anything but fine, but she still nods and lets go of me. There is silence for about ten seconds. Well, not complete silence, because you can hear Candice typing on her phone, sighing loudly.

"Are you serious?" asks Bronwyn, who can barely hold herself back. "We're talking about how to help Dean right now, and you're writing random messages to friends?" 

Candice sighs theatrically. "I don't text friends." 

"Yeah, that's because you don't have any," Sydney murmurs next to me so quietly that only I can hear it. 

Grinning, I nudge her lightly, to which she does the same to me. 

"To be honest, I was texting my mom," Candice continues. "She is a lawyer." Now she's only looking at me. "And from today, she's your lawyer, Dean." 

I already knew about her job because, after all, Gavin, Candice, and I were pretty good friends in high school, but still, I'm completely shocked. "You just wrote her a text saying that I am .... yeah, what actually? Innocent?"

"She's known you since you were a little junior," she replies with a laugh. For a change, it actually sounds pretty real, and she seems to be honestly reminiscing. "She believed in your innocence even before this news." 

"Thank you," I say to Candice as the corners of my mouth lift. Candice and I don't have the best connection and are barely friends now, but the fact that she's actually helping me means a lot to me, despite everything. Everyone who is helping me means a lot to me. 

Especially the girl next to me who is pretty tense right now. I feel like I want to grab Sydney and yell at her that she has no reason in life to be jealous, but I can just barely hold myself back. 

"The party on Friday is perfect to confront, isn't it?" Bronwyn makes it seem like she can't quite believe she actually just said that herself. 

I rub the back of my neck nervously. "That one's in just two days. I need a little bit more time." 

"Next Friday, then," Peter suggests cautiously. "It's more than a week until then." 

"Is that enough time?", Sydney asks me quietly. 

I know no one here would push me if I said no. But it feels like I'm continuing to put something out that has already been long overdue. Besides, I only have to look at Sydney's face to know that's more than enough time because I don't know how much time should pass before I finally can't control myself anymore and just kiss her. 

So I nod slowly, and then more decisively. "Um, yeah, that's enough time."

-