SLOWLY I LITERALLY BELIEVE that there is a curse on Sydney and me, because every time we are undisturbed, someone comes and ruins the peace between us. In this case, that someone is Gavin.

Him, of all people.

Various emotions rage inside me as I hear his voice at that moment. First, it's bewilderment, then for a second it's sadness, and now it's anger.

Why the hell is he leading Xander, Hunter, and Kolin directly to me? Just a few days ago he was watching The Notebook with Sydney and Bronwyn, was head over heels in love with Candice, and was standing right next to me when Kolin showed up. Since the beginning, Gavin has been the only one who has always stood beside me and trusted me, and the realization that this is no longer the case evokes so much anger in me that I can barely stand still.

I told him just an hour ago about my plans with Sydney and he acted like he was happy for me and that he thought the idea of bringing her here was great. Turns out he only thought it was great because it means he can lead Xander, Hunter, and Kolin to me.

Why? What's the point of all this?

Sydney suddenly grabs me by my shoulders, forcing me to look at her. "We can jump before they get up here."

"What?", I ask, even though I heard exactly what she said. "No, I'll wait until he is here and then ─"

"And then what, Dean? Do you beat the hell out of them all? I don't doubt the strength of your pretty impressive muscles, but you'll never be able to take four people at once."

I can take four people at once very well, but what finally convinces me is the fact that Sydney can't. She would just stand there and be a witness of my temper tantrum, and somehow I don't want her to see that almost vulnerable side of me ─ or not see it so often. So I give up but swear to myself that all four of them will still get what they deserve pretty soon. As I look down, I feel this thrill to jump on the stone slope beneath me, but I hold back and make sure that Sydney will dare too, even though I don't have any particularly high doubts that she wouldn't dare. Secretly, we both know she's at least as crazy as I am.

She pushed off without hesitation and then jumped down. After her impact, she is not only completely unharmed but also extremely pretty as she puts her head back to look up at me, sweeping her blonde hair over her shoulders.

Even though one more person is no longer there for me in my life right now, I can't help but smile a little, even if it's a quite sad smile.

"Hello, Dean."

I don't even have to turn around to know that it's Gavin. "Funny, we weren't even supposed to meet. What are you doing here?", I ask, playfully clueless.

"I want to talk to you," he explains, but he doesn't sound like the sarcastic, impatient Gavin I've known for years. His voice has changed. Cold. Insidious. And almost ... impassive.

I just turn my head to him and slowly lift my middle finger, directed not only at Gavin but at the others as well. Xander grimaces and looks like he'd love to fix every part of my body one by one, Kolin proudly raises his chin because he found me, and Hunter ... he doesn't even look in my direction. Strangely, he can't even look at me anymore.

"You guys are really a bunch of freaking sickos. Go to hell." That's all I can bring myself to say, then I push myself down with a lot of momentum and land right next to Sydney.

She takes a step toward me, concerned, but not because she thinks I might have hurt myself jumping. She notices that the whole thing is getting too much for me but still remains silent. To be honest, I'm not really excited about our conversation, which we'll have to have sooner or later. I don't think talking about my ... feelings is not really thrilling.

We climb onto the lower road and run from there back to the park, but this time we take a few detours so that we don't have to run into the others. Sydney and I stay silent until we are standing at the edge of the forest and she suddenly pulls me to her by my arm. I'm almost amazed at the strength she uses and how close I'm standing in front of her.

"Please talk to me." For a change, there is no domineering in her voice; rather the opposite, I never heard her speak so softly, carefully, pleadingly.

I don't want her to treat me like this, and this is the only reason why I say, "I'm fine, Curly. Just don't worry, okay?"

She grabs my arm again as I try to turn away. "No."

"No?", I repeat, perplexed. "Yes. As I said, I'm fine. Brilliantly in fact."

"No." She exhales shakily. "You do that all the time. You tell me not to worry when I have every reason to."

I don't want to be a pitiful object in her eyes though, why can't she understand that? I can hardly tolerate the way she looks at me as if I'm going to collapse at any moment. The whole world should be conspiring against me to make that happen.

But then again... hasn't it already happened?

Half of Connecticut now knows me as the killer of Hollyn McRae, my face shows up on TV pretty much every day, and even my best friend and my own parents are against me. For the umpteenth time in my life, I wonder how and when everything in my life could have gone so wrong.

"Dean," Sydney whispers as she wraps her hands around my face. "If you keep ignoring everything that's going on inside of you, you're going to break at some point down."

"Please don't give me psychological facts now." Sighing, I close my eyes. "I'm taking you to your apartment now, and I need you to promise me something. If Gavin knocks on your door today, you won't open it. If worse happens, you'll call the police. Got it?"

She suddenly gets so angry that she stomps on the ground. "No, I don't understand a thing. You want to drop me off at Bronwyn's and then leave. To where, huh?"

Thanks for reminding me that I have absolutely no idea where I'm supposed to sleep. "Don't worry ─"

"But I am worrying, damn it!" she hisses. "And I won't stop worrying until you just talk to me. We could find a solution together, but to do that, you have to stop shutting me out all the time, because you've been doing that since we met."

"What kind of solution are you talking about?", I ask now, also angry. "Do you think it's a good idea for me to spend the night in your apartment? The police would find me right away."

"That's not what I mean at all! But we could still discuss together what you're doing now." Upset, she drums her little fists on my chest. "Because you know what would be really bad right now? If you're alone. I don't want you to be ... to be alone right now. I want to help you."

I know, but no one can help me.

After all, I can't even help myself by dealing with my feelings and thoughts properly. There's nothing I would rather do than accept Sydney's help, but I can't risk anyone else turning their back to me at the end. And that's exactly why I'm turning away from her now.

Determined, I take her hands off my chest and spark angrily at her. "Let me get this straight, Sydney. I'm not ... your problem."

"Right." Shaking her head, she turns away. "You're not, and I'm pretty sure I never treated you like one either."

Regret and guilt mix together and the anger at Gavin is blown away. All I care about is Sydney, who I hurt more than I meant to. Still, I can't take back what I said, and maybe that makes it easier for her to think that I feel like a problem around her. She should ... just forget about me. "Come on," I say softly. "I'll walk you the rest of the way to the apartment." I realize that this is just an excuse so I can stay longer with her, but if I can just be around her for a few more minutes, that will be enough for me.

But she still shakes her head. "I'll pass."

"Sydney." Sighing, I run after her and pull her toward me by her arm. Tears run down her cheeks, tears that I caused and for which I hate myself even more than I already do. Gently, I try to wipe them away, but she angrily slaps my hand away. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not," she fires back.

That she's angry with me now is better than seeing the sadness on her face and the tears on her cheeks. Still, it hurts when she glares angrily at me and looks like she wants to punch me in the face.

I almost wish she would.

And I can't blame her, because she's right. Ever since we met, I've done nothing but push her off me or shut her out when it matters. Whenever she wants to help, I just shake my head because I want to keep her out of everything as much as possible and that's the reason why we can't agree. Sydney wants to help and I refuse her help. My God, she doesn't even know the whole truth about the night Hollyn was murdered.

As I look at Sydney now, I realize she's struggling to keep her anger in line. "Let me be there for you, Dean. Because I want to be there for you."

"But I don't want to." Saying those words is so hard for me that I close my eyes for a moment and take a deep breath.

"Bullshit," she hisses, upset. "Gavin just turned out to be a traitor, and even though we all trusted him. Hunter, Xander, and my deranged ex-boyfriend are planning something against you because they're simply out of their minds, but I'm here, Dean. I'm here for you, but you have to let me be, too."

Taking a deep breath, I shake my head again. My expression is harder now, and I make an effort to look at her as impassively as possible. "I don't want your damn help, and I don't need it. I just want you to go back to your apartment and leave me alone."

She winces hard and looks at me with huge eyes. Yeah, I can't quite believe I actually just said that myself, but it seems to change something in her. She just nods, sniffling, and then walks away.

It's strange that just a few minutes ago we were more open and honest with each other than we've ever been and now I've lied coldly in her face just to push her away from me.

I look at Sydney for a long time to make sure that she is also arriving well at the apartment, even though this is just ridiculous from my side. Meanwhile, the rain has completely drenched me and I imagine my vision is blurry because I have tears in my own eyes. Breathing heavily, I walk back into the forest to sit down somewhere sheltered for now. Two thoughts run through my head in a continuous loop for the next few hours.

First, I was lucky enough to spend time with the most incredible girl in the world.

And second, in just a few minutes, I've ruined everything.

—

Drama... I want to hug Dean and punch the hell out of Gavin... this little shît

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