64: life is a bitch

RYU

I am an idiot.

I smiled all by myself for no apparent reason.

Well, meron talaga. Napapangiti ako kapag naaalala ang asawa ko. But still that makes me look like a damn idiot.

Inayos ko ang pagkakahanay ng mga citronella at lavender candles sa sa paligid, just so it could add effect to the romantic ambiance. I even throw some rose petals on the bed at sa tub.

I am truly an idiot.

Why do I bother so much for this?

You are really are an idiot. You bothered this much because she's your wife.

I smirked to myself and tossed away the stem of the rose. Damn, I looked like an idiot. I prepared a romantic dinner, some retro music on vinyl and fairy lights for a less stressful night.

She's gone for work and I'm sure she'll be tired when she comes back. And I don't want my queen to be drained so I have to be creative. I had some oils with me and I flipped through the internet for some relaxing light massage.

Maybe at some point, idiots improve. I maybe a jerk idiot before but now I am still an idiot, but lesser jerk. Napasinghap ako at muling tumingin sa suot kong relo.

Titless is a little late tonight. She promised to be back within the night and I hold on to that stupid promise.

Guess I was really an idiot.

Kinuha ko ang remote at nanuod na lamang mg late night news. Ilang beses kong tinawagan ang kanyang cellphone pero hindi ko siya sumasagot. Normally, I would have been mad at times like this and threaten her but if I do, I'll be the one in lower hand knowing my wife.

She could fucking arrive tomorrow morning and still blame me for her tardiness. And I'll be a total idiot because that will be fine with me.

Nagpalipat-lipat lamang ako ng channel hanggang sa nagsawa na ako. Iginala ko ang paningin sa paligid at napabuntong-hininga. The house seems so cold ngayong wala siya.

It's past one in the morning.

Tumayo ako at binuksan ang mga ilaw bago isa-isang pinatay ang mga kandila sa loob ng bahay. Even the long candle on the dining area has almost burned out but still no sign of titless around.

I began to worry but a part of me is calm. I know she's somewhere safe at maybe may mga kailangan lamang siyang ayusin kaya hindi agad siya nakauwi. Or maybe she wants to surprise me when she comes back. Ang dami kong naiisip na dahilan kung bakit wala pa siya ngayon despite her sincere promise of returning tonight so we could have time together.

This is the start of our life as normal couple. Well, siguro hindi normal na hindi lamang siya ang katabi ko sa kama kundi maging ang hindi mabilang niyang baril na kung saan-saan niya sinusuksok. We will be a normal couple because unlike before, our feelings weren't forced by some reason.

At least now I am assured she fucking loves me as much as I do. My wife could have murderous tendencies at times, she may have psychotic moments and huge chances of being that annoying brat but I have accepted and embraced her flaws and faults.

I fucking like her imperfect teeth. When she smiles, she's like a cute little bunny. I fucking like her inked skin and some scars that littered her body. No one pulls off that look other than her. And woman is unaware she's beautiful no matter how many tattoo pen and bullet graze that passed her skin.

And I don't mind telling her how beautiful she is every minute of every day.

Damn, I am so whipped.

But still I'm getting annoyed.

Hanggang ngayon ay wala pa rin siya. My stomach grumbled. I am freaking hungry but I'm not taking a bite without her.

Maybe I'll wait a little longer.

I know I sat for another good three hours and now it's almost four in the morning, I'm wide awake, hungry and above all, in pain.

Not physically pero masakit ang kalooban ko. Hindi ko alam, maybe just the fact that I didn't know her whereabouts while I sat like a good lap dog waiting for his master's return.

And freaking hungry when there's a whole damn steak out there waiting to be devoured since last night. If I'm not being an idiot, I would have gone to bed after a good meal.

But I keep waiting.

I am really fucking whipped!

I smiled to myself. Of course I am, if you have an amazing wife like her who wouldn't?

Kaya kong tiisin ang antok at gutom kung ang kapalit niyon ay makita siya. Ilang beses akong napatingin sa cellphone at umaasang may message siya telling me, hey rocket I'm almost home.

And I keep waiting.

The air was cold and I was alone. Ilang oras pa kaya ang hihintayin ko? Did she eat already? Hindi siya pwedeng malipasan ng gutom dahil dalawa sila.

I smiled like an idiot. Yup, I wasn't just waiting for my wife but as well as my child.

A daughter, probably.

My wife's prettier each day so I'm certain I'm having a daughter in few months time. Damn, the thought of being a father excites me to the bones.

But hey before I think about it, where the hell is my wife? I can keep waiting as long as she will come back soon.

I hope so.

***

Pi

Zero brought me some milk and breakfast. I curled up in bed and stared at nowhere. Alam kong dapat ay kagabi pa ako umuwi. I should have fulfilled my promise to Rocket. I told him I'll be home for dinner. That in few days time we'll go somewhere and Maldives is what I have in mind.

But shit happens and I'm stuck here.

I don't know but it's just that I lost my strength when the memories of what happened before when I was young streamed down my memory lane, I broke down.

Akala ko ay wala na iyon sa isipan ko, akala ko ay hindi na iyon bumabalik but then the memories has now become fresh like it just happened recently.

Mom's whimper...

My cry...

Her begging...

My voiceless shouting...

Her telling them to spare my life...

Ang iyak niya sa tuwing sinasaktan siya.

It was almost unbearable. But for the past years, I learned to act tough and tried to move on from what happened. I thought I forgot it all pero ngayong malinaw at bumabalik ang lahat, napagtanto kong hindi iyon ganoon kadaling kalimutan.

I was actually near the people who made my life miserable. Wala akong kaalam-alam na nasa malapit lamang ang mga taong isinumpa ko noon.

They weren't human. Mom begged so hard, she tried to bargain but to no avail. Demonyo, demonyo at hindi tao ang gumawa niyon sa amin.

Zero said it was certainly Rionessi Morisson who killed my mom. I was young back then that I do not recall his face plus madilim ang abandonadong warehouse na pinagdalhan sa amin. I know Zero and when he says he truly cares, alam at ramdam ko iyon. He's willing to cross hell for me, that's for sure but this is just so hard to bear.

My mom was left to rot. Ilang beses siyang ginahasa, sinaktan at pinahirapan. There were rats around the place. I can recall the sound of their laughter and every time I do, mas lalong naghihirap ang kalooban ko.

"Ayos ka lang ba?" tanong ni Zero mula sa pinto. "Hindi mo pa nagagalaw ang pagkain mo." Lumapit siya sa akin at naupo sa kama. He stared at the untouched food before looking at me.

I smiled bitterly. "Alam mo ba, pinakain nila ng basira at ipis si mommy noon?"

He tapped my shoulder. "No recalling of such dreadful events, please?"

But it's all fresh in my memories. I can remember my mom's cry, my own weeping and the men's laughter.

There was some reason why christmas is my most hated time of the year. They say it's the season to be merry but apparently it doesn't feel that way to me.

It was fucking Christmas when we were abducted. We lie in the cold ground along with the insects and rodents. May suot pa akong santa hat noon.

Maybe I love blood because it's red and it reminds me of my hat that time. I remember passing through so old houses on the way. There were Christmas lights around but that was my darkest moment.

"... Saan mo nalaman na anak ka ni Flavio, Zero?" biglang tanong ko sa kanya.

He stared at me at tila tinatanya kung okay lang ba na pag-usapan namin iyon. "Sinabi sa akin ni Papa— I mean, not Flavio. Si Papa, ang kinikilala kong ama."

Alvin Rocco is Zero's foster father, and one of dad's most valuable men. Or maybe it's not really the case.

"Naghihingalo siya noon nang sinabi niyang hindi ko siya tunay na ama. He told me that my real father is actually the one who was always there but I have no idea how we were related. Ang dami ko pang gustong sabihin sa kanya pero bigla na lamang siyang binaril... Your dad's command. Since he was alive, si Flavio ang palaging nandoon kahit sa patagong paraan. It took me long to ask him... Dahil kahit ako ay ayaw paniwalaan iyon."

We both fell silent, probably letting the pain sink in our mind and hearts. Well, life is a bitch, that's for sure. Unfortunate things befall to anyone.

Zero's mother was killed by my dad. My mother was killed by Rionessi Morisson— my father in law. Bakit ganito ka mapaglaro ang tadhana? I could be a bitch and just shoot my dad in law countless times but I know how to act without shoving my brain in my ass.

I need to confirm this.

You just need to learn how to get back and make them pay. Ngayon ay tila nag-aapoy ako sa kagustuhang makaganti.

And speaking of get back, I have to get back.

Tumayo aka sa kama at kinuha ang baril sa gilid ng mesa. I tucked it on the side of my waistband and picked my phone.

97 missed calls.

All coming from Rocket. I know he's not fond of texting but what the hell, 97?!

"You're leaving?" tanong ni Zero.

"Yup, I need to."

Muling mababakas ang pag-aalala sa kanyang mukha. "But Pi? Paano kung magbreakdown ka ulit? Can you bear—"

"If I break down, I can pick myself up, you know I can right?"

He reached for me and hugged me tight. Zero gives me so much comfort na sa kanya ko lamang nararamdaman. I known we had that link since we were a kid kung kaya agad niyang nakuha ang tiwala ko.

I cannot imagine him settling down with some woman. It's a shame that if it happens, hindi na ako aasang isandaang porsiyento ang loyalty niya sa akin.

Maybe a big portion will be to his wife and I'm left with a little part. Call me selfish but thinking about it made me want to shoot the woman who will steal him from me.

"Sigurado ka?" paniniguro niya.

"I'm strong, I can handle this," sagot ko.

"Do you want me to take you back?"

Mabilis na umiling ako. "Hindi na kailangan. Thanks Zero, you're the best."

#

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