"I left the Dark Side because..."

Honesty stopped, giving himself a little shake.

"Because... ItoldThomassomethinghedidn'twanttoknowabouthimself."

What did he say?

"What did you say?"

"I... told Thomas something he didn't want to know."

I hate to be rude or ask about something that isn't my business, but...

"What was it?"

Honesty gulped, eyes filling with tears.

"I told him about Anger."

Wow. I remember when Thomas found out. No wonder Honesty ran away. The guilt...

When Thomas found out that he was an angry enough person to have it as a trait, he was a bit heartbroken. 

He saw himself as a nice, kind person, but everyone gets angry, at least to some degree.

And when he found out that Anger existed, he retreated into himself, in a slight depressive state. He stopped wanting to interact, hid away, and started believing he was a horrible person.

He would cry, and it hurt most of the sides to see him so upset.

Everyone, at least in a small, microscopic way, believes they are good.

And for him to find out that he wasn't as nice as he thought, was a small piece of hell.

Honesty must have felt so guilty.

I know I would've.

I look at him, and he's crying.

Time to attempt to comfort him.

Which hopefully won't go wrong... unlike most things in my life.

"Honesty, it's ok. I'm sure you didn't mean to-"

And he ran away, crying.

Well... does he need space, or does he need some attempt at comforting him?

Why is life so difficult?

Can't there be an obvious right choice?

I screwed things up to start with, so...

should I try to fix it, and possibly make it worse?

or give him some space, and have him hate me?

or just sit here and panic for no reason?

That one!

Yep, that's the one.

Time to panic.

Unfortunately in character for me. 

I curl in on myself, letting the panic rush through me.

It'll be over soon...

In my panicked state, my imagination likes to occasionally pop in and make me think I'm insane.

I'm not insane.

I'm crazy.

I don't have an imagination that makes me see things, but I can somehow think them.

If I close my eyes, it's almost an image.

It's somehow thought and also an image, not something I could ever put in words. I don't daydream, I don't wander off, I just... imagine.

And right now, it's really f*cking with me.

Roman's there, and I'm in his arms.

He wants me to take off my jacket, but I can't.

I tell him "I can't. I can't, I can't, I can't."

He asks "Why not?" but all I can think and say is "I can't."

He can't see me as a monster.

He can't see me as what I am, because then he'll never like me. He'll never smile at me, never even care about me.

And I let him in too close for that.

I can't let him know the one thing about me that clearly lets someone know what I am: I demon, a parasite, a disease.

He makes flower crowns sometimes in Imagination. I can always tell, by their colors.

Flowers were once used to ward off disease. He doesn't want me.

Wings were always a beautiful thing, for angels, butterflies, and birds.

For me, they showcase exactly what I hate about myself, and Roman in my head wants to see them.

I could open my eyes, dispel the image, but I can't. Seeing his face hurts too much for me to stop.

He smiles, telling me it's ok, there's always later, but there can never be a later. 

I can never show him my wings, show him how corrupted I am because then he'd see 

-I just died.... send help... I was rewatching more Sanders Sides, and at the end of the Christmas song, Virgil looks at Roman and just aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that look ;o;-

how bad I would be for him. He's a literal prince, and I might as well be a dragon witch.

I was never meant to love him. I was meant to be his enemy, the thing that stops him.

But my stupid heart chose to love him.

And now I can't leave. Not if I love him.

He deserves someone better, so I'll just not say how I feel. It's worked so many times before.

In my imagination, he tells me it's ok, I don't have to take off my jacket if it makes me uncomfortable, and that we can just cuddle.

Even in my imagination, he's too good for me.

I relax into his touch in my head, allowing him to just be there.

Soon, the image fades, and I realize that I'm now calm in real life.

If him in my imagination can do that, maybe...

No. I'm not going to make him deal with me.

I'll suffer before I hurt him.

And dating me would just hurt him. That much is certain.

The attack is over, and I need to work on our raft. It's almost done, and we'll be leaving... today, at this rate.

Oh sh!t, I gotta find Honesty. I need the trait to trust me, seeing as I have to take him across the ocean!

I head off after him, his earlier face replaying in my mind. He looked... guilty when I said that he didn't mean to... did he mean to hurt Thomas when he said that?

One way to find out.

I head after him.