IDK, slight spoiler if you haven't seen the newest episode?

Tw, I think, maybe? Um... anxiety/panic attack mention. I know my definition of those is different, but idk if your's is, so... yeah.

I also re-wrote chapter 19, so...

Honesty was smiling at me. 

He's a great guy. He might be one of the nicest, fluffiest sides I have ever met. I'm taking him to Patton.

He needs to meet him.

Patton could protect him.

He told me things. Things that I should've known.

Deceit's name is Janus. He's really a nice guy, and according to Honesty, he wouldn't hurt anyone. And honesty is... honest. But he doesn't know my past. I know I should tell him, and maybe I will, but it hurts so much.

Honesty's name... well, I'm not going to say. He isn't the biggest fan of it, so I just address him as Honesty. Not all of us have names we like.

We were almost ready to leave, but I'm really anxious about it.

I don't know how much time has passed. Honesty looks younger than I do, and I think it's because he's been on this island for a while.

I don't know if I'll come back, and everyone will be old.

Oh god, what's Thomas doing without me?

They told me how bad it was when I ducked out, and that was only for a day!

What if... no, he can't be dead. We're here, right?

But this is Ogygia, not the Mind.

Well, Ogygia, or at least this one, is within the Mind, but it's different.

Oh god, I've got to get back.

I've been exercising my wings, and Honesty built a raft.

I can drag the raft, and when I need a break, I have a safe landing spot.

Probably better than just taking off with Honesty on my back.

Fun fact about Honesty: He doesn't know how nice he is.

He's used to Janus and the other 'dark' sides and grew up believing he was one of them.

If anything, he's neutral. Remy's neutral, and really, we're all neutrals.

Anything can be good or bad if you think about it.

Some of us are just considered 'lighter' than the others.

So, by the way Thomas sees things, Honesty is light, Love is light, Fortune is light, and those guys are light.

And Remy's the f-cking sun.

I need to tell Honesty what happened with me and Deceit.

Maybe he can explain it.

Or maybe he'll hate me.

Maybe he'll...

"Virgil?"

"Yeah?" I snap out of my thoughts.

"We're almost ready!"

"Oh, good."

"You don't sound too happy."

"It's just... what if we get back, and everyone's old? What if they think I died or something? Oh-"

I just remembered the request I filed!

What if they saw it?

They're gonna think I died!

What if it's blocked because I'm here?

What if it doesn't go through?

What if...

Anxiety bubbled up in me, filling my eyes with tears.

I start shaking, and my nose clogs.

My breathing quickens, and it's really hard to get air in.

Honesty moves around, trying to do something, but this is an anxiety attack, b-tches.

They like to dig their claws in, and stay for a while, like a rude Aunt.

I can feel Honesty's anxiety raising, but it's too much.

I need to get away. Away. Away.

I stumble towards anywhere. Anywhere but here.

There needs to be somewhere dark, safe, and with a  good lock or two.

There needs to be a quiet sanctuary where my brain can stop trying to kill me.

My breathing comes in gasps, and god, it's hard to move air.

The world narrows to one thing: get away.

And the only way out is down.

Up would never work.

Honesty's anxiety surrounds my own, like a fog.

So down.

I curl into a tiny ball, tucking my knees to my chest.

Tears begin to soak the black fabric, and everything is just too much.

Honesty's anxiety feeds mine, and it swirls around me, and almost tangible dark cloud.

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Some say that anxiety isn't a serious thing, that it's normal, just something you can handle.

I feel bad for them. They've obviously never experienced this.

My hands are over my ears, but it's still too much.

I see Hope's freaked out expression, and then the world goes black.

Oh god, I passed out. How embarrassing. Exactly what I needed.

Now Hope's going to think I'm weak and weird, and we'll never be able to leave.

If I can't even deal with that, how am I going to fly across an ocean?

How will Honesty ever trust me if I can't handle a small panic attack?

I can't exactly pass out in the middle of the ocean!

Honesty comes in, and he's looking at me.

He smiles, and I see some worry in it.

"Virgil! You're alright!"

"I'm fine," I lie. No one's ever fine, and if they tell you that, they probably don't want any questions.

He sighed. "Virgil, I am the embodiment of honesty. I can tell you're not telling the truth!"

I sigh. That reminds me a bit too much of Janus. He'd always know when I was feeling bad, and he could always cheer me up.

I miss him.

No.

Bad Virgil.

You're not good enough for you to miss him.

You don't miss him, you miss your idea of him.

So why do I still miss him?

You don't miss him, you miss your relationship.

So why do I still miss him?

Because you're a sappy, lonely romantic. And as much as you hate admitting it, you loved(?) him.

And he's gone, and you're having a hard time getting over him.

Well, I'm screwed.

It has been long enough. I should be over him by now.

But I really cared about him, and feelings don't go away that fast.

And maybe I loved him, but I don't think I did.

I hope I didn't.

And I hope I did.

I hope love has more to offer, that I didn't waste it on him.

And I hope that I at least got to love somebody.

"Anx, you ok? That looked like some intense inner monologue."

"I'm... well, I don't even know. There's something I should tell you, but I really don't want to..."

I paused. I'm scared. But I hate telling people I'm scared because people always judge.

Maybe they don't mean to, but it's a survival function.

You have to know if a situation is safe. And that means you have to judge. 

Honesty looks at me.

"Virge, you don't have to tell me."

"Yes I do."

It's true. He needs to know.

"Me and your brother..."

He sits forward, concerned.

I take a deep breath. "We... dated. For a long time." He has a question in his eyes, but I need to get this out.

"And then, something happened. He just... attacked me."

Honesty grabs me in a hug, and I let out a single tear. He needs to know the full story.

"It had been getting weird with De- Janus. He wasn't around as much, didn't seem as happy to see me. I... ignored it." I frown, still hating myself for that choice.

"He was crying, when I went to talk to him. H-He wasn't happy. He said I was too clingy, too immature. It hurt me, and I started crying. He was all apologetic, but I couldn't...  I couldn't forgive him. I was at my snapping point, and he was there. So... I snapped. I yelled at him. I can't remember what I said, but it wasn't good. He was really upset. He started crying, and... I remember saying some more stuff..."

Honesty was petting my head, but the memories were so hard to handle.

"I was venting at him. I called him all the things I thought of myself, and he was really hurt. So... I ran. I flew away when I realized what I did, and now... my wings are more of a sign of the worst parts of me. They show me that I'm always going to run away, and I know I should've stayed, explained, fucking apologized, but I couldn't."

Honesty wasn't reacting, just letting me talk.

"I couldn't handle the fact that I was a monster, that I was what I thought of myself. So I broke up with him. He deserved more than me, and I only hurt him. The pain got worse. Every second I spent in the Dark Side, I was reminded of what I did, what I am. So I left. I moved to the Light Side, where I had no history. They already treated me like a monster for the most part, and it was so much better than being treated well, and knowing I didn't deserve it. The worst part is, I lied. To everyone, and to myself. I told myself a lie, where I was the victim because I couldn't handle being right. I hated myself even more, and it just got worse. Worse to the point of me filing for a replacement. At least he wouldn't be as screwed up like me."

Honesty kept holding me. It was weird, for him to be so emotionless about me hurting his brother.

I started crying into his shoulder. I can't believe I did that.

And I can't believe I told someone the truth.

He finally spoke. "Virgil, I understand. I know why you would do that. I..."

He trailed off, looking over my shoulder.

His demons must be here too.

He holds my shoulders, and looks me in the eyes. "The truth is, I left the Dark Side because... 

And that's where I'm stopping for now! 

Sorry it took me so long to update, I don't really have very many ideas as to what Honesty's reason is, but don't worry! I'll think of something!

Again, I'm sorry it took me so long on this one! I'm not going to stop writing, and I'll get another chapter out soon!