Klairey

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"Ate, have you seen Ate Crish?"

Umiling ako. "Magkasama lang kayo, ah?"

"Yeah, right! One moment she's here then boom, she's gone! Off to somewhere with that guy or whatever just what the fish happened!?" dire-diretso nitong sabi.

Natatawa man ay sumimangot lang ako. I don't know. I have this feeling that she's keeping something to me kaya whenever she's around, my guards are up. Noong una, I thought she's just this sweet girl but later on, parang hindi na siya ang nakilala kong Hazel. I know I'm jumping to conclusions every time, but this time, I think I need to be ready when time comes that I discover her sercret.

"You texted her? Called her?"

"I tried! But to no avail. Maybe, she's really with Christian. I really hope so."

She seems helpless dahil wala si Crish. Bakit kailangan magkasama sila 24/7?

"Ate, can you please help me find her?"

"No, Haze. Sorry. Baka bigla kasi akong hanapin ni Ate Melo. Besides, malapit na yatang matapos ang program." diretso ko namang sagot. Puro speech na rin kasi kaya baka any minute ay tawagin ako.

"Aw. Sige Ate. Mamaya ko na nga lang siya hahanapin. I will just stick with you for now."

Hinayaan ko na lang ito pero nadi-distract ako kasi lagi siyang nagta-type sa cellphone niya. Minsan, matatawa, minsan kukunot ang noo o magugulat.

Ayoko namang silipin. Kung ako, sisilipan ng ginagawa sa cellphone, magagalit din ako.

Someone cleared his throat on our back. "Paupo."

I know that voice and I hate how my heart jump upon hearing it.

I also saw how Hazel's face lightened upon seeing him. Mukhang na-excite talaga nang makita ang mokong.

"Kuya!" she said, fondly.

Keyeee, I mimicked in my mind. I mentally rolled my eyes. Happy much? Ugh. What am I thinking?!

"Hi Haze." P-in-at na naman niya ang ulo nito at naupo sa tabi niya. Napatingin ako sa tabi ko na wala rin namang nakaupo. Baka meron? Multong siya lang ang nakakakita! "Mukhang may masama ang timpla, ah? Kinilig yata ng husto at hindi kinaya."

I shot a glare at him. "Iw."

Natawa siya na parang nakakatawa ang sinabi ko. Happy much din? Tss. Magsama sila.

"Kinilig saan? Share! Share!"

"Secret lang namin yon, Haze," sabi niya. Bakit ganoon? Kapag kay Hazel, ang lambot niya, sa akin, ang mapang-asar niya.

Inaasar niya ba talaga ako?

"Buti nga, Ma'am, hindi ka nasaktan, eh... Noong nahulog ka mula sa langit."

Pinilit ni Hazel na hindi tumawa. Ako naman ay gusto ko na rin talagang matawa, pinipigilan ko lang dahil kapag natawa ako, alam kong iisipin niya na natutuwa ako sa kanya so I laughed it off sarcastically. And think something na makakapagpataob sa kanya. I will not let this guy win over me. I need to guard my heart, always.

"So anong tingin mo sa akin, fallen angel?"

"Fallen angel?"

Natatawa man ay sinagot ito ni Hazel. "Kuya, usually, sila yong mga nagkakasala nang malaki sa langit kaya pinapababa sa lupa."

"Ah..." Lumingon ito sa akin with a puzzled face. He held his chin while acting like he's really thinking hard. "Hmm? Hindi naman. Ako kasi ang na-fall, eh."

This time, it's harder to suppress my smile na naging smirk na lang.

"Smoooooth!" Nag-fist bump pa silang dalawa.

"Ayos ba, Haze?"

She raised her two thumbs up. "Me approves!"

"I'm outta here!" I exclaimed. Mabilis akong tumayo at dumiretso sa restroom.

On my way ay pakiramdam ko, nakahinga ako nang maluwag. Pakiramdam ko kasi ang init ng mukha ko kaya kailangan ko nang umalis.

Napangiti ako nang makapasok sa restroom. I still have to keep it cool dahil ayokong mapagkamalan na baliw, tatawa mag-isa.

Pumasok ako sa isang cubicle bago nagmuni-muni. Good thing, the restroom is very neat and spacious.

Parang kaunti na lang kasi. Kaunti na lang.

Tapos mahuhulog ako sa taong hindi naman sigurado?

Iwasan ko na lang kaya?

No. Iniisip ko palang, parang hindi ko na agad kaya.

Mas mahirap kaya na ilayo ang sarili sa taong gusto mo laging nakikita at nakakasama.

Paano naman si Renz? Pinaasa ko lang siya sa wala?

I hate this feeling. Na-guilty ako bigla. I don't know what to do anymore.

Palabas na ako nang marinig ko ang boses ni Crish sa may likuran ng restroom.

Napasilip ako at may kausap ito sa cellphone.

What surprises me is the look on her face. She seems furious and problematic.

"Bakit parang wala ka namang ginagaw—?"

Hindi nito natuloy ang sasabihin dahil may tumawag sa kanya—si Hazel. And it seems like they're both surprised to see each other, in an awkward way.

I wonder what's going on between them?

"Ms. Klairey, hinahanap ka po sa stage."

Halos mapatalon ako sa gulat. Napalingon ako rito at isa pala iyon sa mga bridesmaid. Nang lingunin ko ulit sina Crisha ay wala na sila roon kaya hinayaan ko na lang.

After my speech, naluha na lang ako dahil sa saya para kina Ate Melo at Kuya Jim. They deserve all the best things in the world! I'm just so happy.

"Uuuhhh, Eklai! Don't cry, naiiyak na naman ako!"

"Don't cry, too. Masisira ang makeup!"

"I love you." she said while hugging me tight.

"I love you more!"

"Hey! I'm jealous!" singit ni Sir Jim kaya natawa na lang kami.

Sinalubong naman ako ng panyo ni Renz and he guided me to my seat when I exited the stage.

"Thanks, Renz."

"Do you want a drink?"

"Water lang please?"

Hinintay ako ni Renz hanggang matapos ang lahat ng gagawin sa reception.

"Ate Klairey, we'll get going!" paalam ni Jennie at nasa likod lang nito si Klover. She hugged me again. "Ate, I remember you na! Naka-make up ka kasi kaya hindi kita masyadong namukhaan. Until I saw Klo talking to you then I realised you're Ms. Masungit from the registrar! But, but you're pretty like me!"

"Ms. Masungit pala ah?"

"No! It's just that baka stressed ka lang sa work, I understand you every single time! Lalo pa mga pasaway ang mga students!"

"Sinabi mo pa. So, see you around?"

"Yas!"

"Pakibilis-bilisan po. May naghihintay sa inyo, Prinsesa!"

Jennie blushed and hugged me for the nth time. "Ate, inaaway ako ni Kuya Klo!"

Pinalisikan ko naman ito ng mata at bagot na bagot na tingin lang ang sagot niya.

Umalis na nga silang dalawa at parang bata hinawakan nito ang strap ng bag na dala ni Klover. They're so cute together but I don't think Klover's into type of girls like Jennie. Although wala pa naman akong nakikilalang dini-date niya.

Nakakatuwa lang ang Jennie. Halatang may kaya pero napakasimple lang at mukhang soft-hearted. She reminds me of Hazel so much, but uh! O don't know!

"Gusto mo, Klai, mag-coffee muna tayo?" Renz asks and I want to turn down his coffee invite. But I still said yes.

I think, I have to talk to him.

"It's really okay? You're not tired or something?"

"No. Wala naman akong ginawa kanina." Natatawa kong sabi tho kinakabahan na ako sa kahihinatnan ng pag-uusap namin.

"Let's go?"

Sa coffee shop, siya na lang ang um-order ng drinks at naghanap ako ng mauupuan and rest for a while.

"Klai? Klai? Hello?" he waved his hands in front of me kaya bumalik ako sa kasalukuyan. Kanina pa kasi nababagabag ang isip ko. "Here's your drink."

"Thanks."

"Kanina ka pa wala sa sarili, sa sasakyan palang. Anything bothering you?"

Napahinga ako ng malalim. "Renz, kasi... ano..."

"Yes? Bakit parang kinakabahan ako." natawa ito ng alanganin.

I took a deep breath and looked at him. I held his hand and he smiled at me. A kind of smile that's so hard to break.

"Renz, I—I'm sorry. Sana 'wag sumama ang loob mo but I am really sorry. You know, I tried kasi you're special to me before but—"

"It's alright, Klairey. I knew it. I felt it."

Natigilan ako. Bigla akong naawa kay Renz. Ngunit mas kawawa siya kung patuloy ko pa siyang papaasahin sa wala.

I've been thinking hard these past few days at kahit ilang linggo pa lamang ang nakalilipas ay hindi ko talaga maramdaman ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya noon.

He smiled at me, ngayon ay puno na ito ng kalungkutan. His smile makes me feel uncomfortable. Lalo akong nadismaya sa sarili ko. I messed up and I'm guilty.

"Renz..."

"It's Yulian, right?" He asked, looking at me intently. Binitawan ko ang kamay niya at nilaro ko nalang ang sarili kong nga daliri sa ilalim ng mesa.

"I—"

"You don't have to answer. Mas masakit but I'm fine. I'll be. I'll be fine as long as you're happy."

Napabuntong hininga ako. I may have dropped the bomb real soon but I somehow felt light.

"I wish you find someone you deserve. I don't think I'm the right one for you Renz. You're too pure in this world full of pretentious people."

I saw how his eyes glistened. He's fighting for his tears not to fall but betrayed him. Mas lalo akong inatake ng guilt. Ni hindi ko alam kung paano ko siya iko-comfort gayong alam ko na ako ang dahilan kung bakit siya malungkot.

"H-honestly, I don't need anyone but you. But I understand. This shall pass. We're still friends, right?"

Nginitian ko lang ito. Tumayo na siya kaya tumayo na lang din ako at niyakap siya.

"You'll find someone better than me. Someday, Renz. Someday."

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