( sorry if this is bad uhh i'm rly stressed )

☾ ☽

dan's chest hurt.

he walked swiftly, his hands swinging at his sides and his shoes clanging underneath him.

he had been fine, he had been completely fine until the last few minutes. that's when it had started again, he had been brushing his fingertips along the shelf and... tiny daisies, popping up everywhere he had touched even lightly. he didn't know what was wrong with him but he needed answers. now. so he had left, slipped out while phil was distracted.

now he was about five minutes from jarvis's house. he had ducked into alleys, and side roads, so they couldn't follow him directly. he knew phil probably wouldn't understand, he might be hurt, but he had to do this.

he had to.

soon he could see the house down the street and the symphony's started again, swirling around his mind. he walked a little faster. his heart ached when he saw the devoid space in front of the house where his garden used to be.

"dan-!"

he cursed under his breath, and down the street he could see him, with eliza in tow. dan quickly figured he could make it to the door before them, but not with the shoes on.

of course.

he leaned over, unstrapping them and taking them off, leaving them in the street and starting to run. he could see phil doing the same but he still got there first, slamming the gate behind him and hopping up the steps two at a time. his feet were burning, and likely bleeding, but he didn't care.

he heard the gate open and phil call his name again, but his knuckles were already hovering over the wood.

"dan, please..."

dan paused. he was still panicking, his breathing was shallow and it was hard for him to reason right then, but he hesitated at phil's tone.

"dan," phil said slowly, starting again. "please don't do this, we can... we can get you a new piano. i promise..."

dan's heart swelled, and he turned to look at him, at his dumb jean jacket with dogs on it and his dad glasses. and how he looked cute even with that worried expression on his face. especially.

"it isn't about the piano," dan mumbled in response. phil frowned.

"what is it about, then?" his face dropped. "is it... me? do you just not want to live with me?"

dan flinched. "that's not it," he said firmly. phil took another step towards him.

"what is it then?" phil bit his lip, his jaw clenching. "don't shut me out, dan, i want to help..."

dan felt tears stinging his eyes and he shook his head, some hair falling in his eyes. "you can't... you can't, i know you want to. i just... i don't know who i am, phil."

phil seemed to hesitate but took another step forward, searching his face. "maybe i could show you?"

dan swallowed, watching him start up the steps, not sure if he should stop him or even how to do that. "how?"

"people tend not to see who they are just by looking at themselves." he shrugged. "maybe you need a second opinion...?"

for some reason that made his heart race, and he stared at him. phil was carefully avoiding the trail of blue flowers dan had left, slowly approaching up the stairs.

"okay..." dan spoke slowly, timidly. "then i have a question."

another step, and phil was on the porch, inches away from him.

"yes?"

dan's eyes roamed over his chest and up to his face, searching his features for something, but he didn't know what he was looking for.

"what's wrong with me?" he whispered. "what did i do? to deserve this?"

pity shadowed phil's face and he reached out. dan flinched, not sure if he wanted to be touched, but phil's hands hovered between them, palms up. after a second, dan gently placed his hands on top of phil's.

"nothing's wrong with you," he said finally. "what you can do is a blessing in disguise. and i know it's really hard to see it right now, because you've only been shown abuse, but it's true."

dan felt it happening and he started to pull his hands away, but phil chased them, keeping him still. thin vines spiraled around his fingers.

dan looked up at his face, expecting fear or surprise, but phil was smiling at their hands. they met eyes, and his cerulean ones sparkled.

"it's amazing," he whispered, and dan could hear nothing but sincerity. "you're incredible... and ethereal. you should be appreciated and praised for who you are, not thrown out and ignored like you will be if you knock on that door."

phil moved a little closer, so their bodies were nearly touching, and dan's breath caught. he could feel his warmth, and his heart was pounding, and the symphonies were louder than ever.

"so please..." phil looked back down at their hands, and dan followed suit. roses, blood red ones, growing from between both of their fingers. phil touched their palms, and carefully intertwined their fingers so as not to disturb the flowers. dan was on fire everywhere he touched him. "please don't knock. don't go back to someone who doesn't deserve you." he laughed softly, breathless. "i mean, i don't either. but let me try."

dan blinked. so many emotions and feelings were flooding him that it was almost unbearable. but he nodded weakly.

"dan?"

he turned to the door behind him and phil pulled him out of the way a bit so it wouldn't hit him as it swung open. jarvis stared at them, glancing between them and then at their hands that were still intertwined.

"did you want something?"

dan glanced at phil, expecting him to say something snarky or glare at jarvis, but phil was looking at him. he raised his eyebrows.

"you have to decide," he muttered. "i can't make your choices for you, angel."

a shock ran through him when phil called him that, and his eyes widened. he turned back to jarvis.

"no, never mind. sorry to bother you, we'll be going now."

phil's face broke out in a grin, and dan smiled back; his happiness was contagious.

phil led him down the stairs, not letting go of his hands. he kind of couldn't; the vines were getting stronger.

dan made a noise when they were back on the street, looking at him nervously. "it'll hurt to..."

phil nodded. "i know."

he ran his thumb over the back of dan's hand, humming. he slowly and carefully pulled his hand away, pulling them out of the vines that were encasing it. and he didn't split a petal.

dan watched as the flowers retreated, disappearing, and smiled.

"thank you..."

they were suddenly both very aware of eliza, who was standing in the middle of the road where phil had left her, staring at dan blankly.

"you- i-i... what?"

dan giggled, sharing a look with phil. phil cleared his throat, shrugging.

"should we get that hot chocolate, and you can explain to our dear friend eliza here?" he grinned, shoving his hands in his pockets. dan nodded.

"sounds delightful."