i'm sad AS HELL
(also content warning ; this chapter contains k*ssing and to*ching but no actual s*x i promise)

☾ ☽

"hey, baby."

phil's voice was soft, if not a little gruff, and he wrapped his arms around dan from behind, kissing his neck. dan's face flushed, leaning back into the touch.

two weeks. it was two weeks after they had gotten together, and dan still had the faint pen on his hand to prove it.

phil was his boyfriend. he couldn't believe it. his first boyfriend.

not only that, but everything else was going well, too. phil and eliza had helped him set up the stand again, as long as he was careful with when and how much he grew, and it was better than ever. dan was hardly ever in pain anymore, especially since he gave up those awful shoes.

everything was good, pollen and sunflowers and rainy days. dan was happy.

"hi," he whispered, turning his face so phil's nose brushed his, beaming. this was a new thing, too. phil had started picking him up after work, instead of the other way around. "how are you?"

"good, now that i'm with you," he muttered sincerely. dan blushed harder. it was his first romance, and he was truly being swept off his feet.

he turned around so he was facing him, wrapping his arms around phil's neck. "me too," he whispered, letting his nose nudge phil's. phil grinned.

"good." he intertwined their fingers, leaning in to kiss him briefly. "are you done?"

dan nodded, forcing himself to turn back to the table. "yeah. we can pack up." he took his bag from below the table, starting to carefully pack up the bouquets.

"you know," phil said, moving to help him. "you could get a shop some day."

dan laughed, shaking his head.

"that isn't likely."

phil shrugged, dropping it, moving to fold up the table as soon as dan was done clearing it. they had found a nice shopkeeper nearby who was willing to keep dan's things in the back, so they didn't get stollen again.

as soon as that was over and done with, phil took his hand again, squeezing as they made their way down the sidewalk. dan got a strange ache in his chest whenever phil was around, and it was almost hard to breathe.

"what do you want to do tonight?" phil asked, turning to look at him. dan bit his lip.

"i don't care," he mumbled. "we could just... watch a movie, or something."

phil nodded, smiling. he was always okay with whatever dan wanted to do; dan felt spoiled rotten, and he loved it.

"sure."

dan knew he was falling in love with him, he had known for a while. he figured it had probably started when phil had took him in in the first place. when he had tilted his face, looking him over with those eyes...

it felt like coming home.

he was so smitten...

when they got back to the flat, phil closed the door behind them, and dan sighed softly in relief. all day he had felt a bit like someone was watching him, a nagging, tingling feel at the back of his neck. he felt a bit safer inside.

phil tugged at his shirt, pulling him close.

"i missed you today."

phil had transitioned from friends to more so smoothly, it made dan wonder how long he had thought about him like that. he smiled, his blush still burning strong.

"i missed you too," he breathed, resting his hands on phil's chest. he smiled as thin vines curled around him, attaching dan to him. phil chuckled.

"i can see that."

dan grinned, wrapping his arms around him, hugging him tightly. phil held him back, the room filling with comfortable silence.

dan's chest ached again, and he hid his face against phil's chest.

phil nearly dragged him to the couch, laughing and pulling him onto his lap. dan giggled, straddling him and resting his head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. mine.

phil put on some movie; dan wasn't exactly sure which, because moments later phil started touching him. his fingertips were gentle and careful, sliding down his sides with a kind of grace that dan had never experienced. his breath caught, and he hid his burning face in phil's neck.

phil chuckled breathlessly, playing with the hem of dan's shirt.

"you're so beautiful..."

dan could feel phil's breath fanning over his neck, and he bit his lip. jesus, was this happening? what was happening? his heart was pounding and his chest was so close to phil's that he was positive he could feel it.

steady fingers on his hips, a hand touching his face, dragging him in, lips on his. all of it concentrated into a hazy cloud of bliss.

phil drew his tongue over dan's bottom lip, and he gasped softly. phil laughed quietly at him, pulling him in again.

hand on his lower back, fingers tangled in his curls, soft gasps of surprise, exploration at its finest.

before he had met phil, dan had never in a million years dared to dream that anyone could ever want him. that had all changed, and it came to a head in this moment. phil made him feel wanted, he made him feel desired and craved and needed. and he was addicted to that feeling.

his own fingers, grasping at phil's t-shirt, pulling him close. a mouth on his, kissing him as if he were something special, and he was putty under phil's hands.

he gasped as phil pushed his hands under his shirt, roaming over his chest and stomach. phil rested their foreheads together, breathing heavily.

"you alright?" he asked, his voice laced with actual care, and dan's chest jolted.

"yes," he muttered, his lips brushing against phil's again. "yeah. keep going."

phil nodded, connecting their lips again, gently pinching dan's side. he ran his fingers through his hair, tugging to keep his head where he wanted it.

phil's mouth was shifting, pressing soft kisses against the side of dan's lips, and dan let out a surprised moan as he traveled down his jaw.

"i've thought about this," phil started breathlessly. "ever since you stepped foot in the shop. jesus..." he hummed, finally reaching dan's throat, tugging his hair to take access of the area, sucking to leave a mark below his ear.

dan's eyes rolled back in his head and he whined. his hands went to phil's shoulders, digging his nails in, needing to be grounded.

"phil..."

phil seemed to like hearing his name said like that because he got a better grip on dan's hair, squeezing his hip until dan squeaked.

"you're so pretty, god. you make the prettiest noises."

dan whimpered, and his chest ached again; more like a sharp pang at this point. what the hell? he frowned.

"phil," he repeated, nearly a whisper, a shiver running through him. he gently pushed him back, un-attaching him from his neck.

phil instantly looked worried, and guilt burned at dan's stomach.

"shit, are you alright? did i hurt you, was that too far...?" he let go of dan's hair and hip in favor of cupping his face, drawing his thumb over his cheek.

"it's fine," dan breathed, looking him in the eye so he could be sure he meant it. "it's okay, phil." he worried at his lip. "can we go a little slower, though?"

he wasn't quite sure that was what he wanted... well, he wanted much more, but he knew it was what he needed right then, to take it slow. and he wasn't sure what was wrong with him; his heart was beating almost painfully.

phil nodded, relaxing a bit, but not much. "okay, of course... are you sure you're alright?"

dan nodded, leaning in to kiss him again. "i'm wonderful," he breathed against his lips. phil hesitated but nodded, kissing him back.

"good."

he pulled him close, turning his eyes to the tv. dan sighed, leaning against him, and did the same. they watched the movie until dan fell asleep on phil's chest, soaking up his warmth.

he dreamt of what could have been if he hadn't made him stop.