☾ ☽

phil was confused.

it wasn't just because dan seemed to be avoiding him since that afternoon, acting strange and dodging all his questions, retreating back to his quiet and skittish original self, but at himself as well.

there was something he wasn't picking up on. something he was missing.

he glanced over at dan on the other side of the couch. he was sitting like a posh business person; up straight, with his hands folded in his lap. it struck phil as uncomfortable looking, but who was he to judge. the only posture he had was slouching.

they had gotten carry out after all, and the food was spread over the coffee table. phil usually ate a lot, but tonight, he didn't feel like it. and clearly neither did dan. something blared from the tv, but phil had forgotten what it was.

he looked like a prince. it was such an odd thing to think about someone, but it was true. with his stance, and the way he always looked nice no matter if he was trying or not, just struck phil as royal.

while dan was zoned out, phil let his eyes drift down to those boots. they were rather complex looking, as if it probably took quite a bit of practice to get into the hang of taking them off and putting them back on. not that dan did that much. in fact, phil realized the only time he had seen dan with them off was the first night, when he had taken them off.

nothing had seemed strange then, he had no major injury or disfiguration. so why did he feel the need to hide his feet from the world? was it something to do with how he was raised?

how was he raised, anyways? who was jarvis to him? he seemed too young to be his father, and dan had only ever referred to him by his first name...

you are such a mystery, daniel howell.

"what?"

phil's face shot up to find dan looking at him, confusion muddling his face. shit.

"oh, i-" phil grasped at something, anything. "where'd you get the flowers? t-the flower box, outside your house..."

it was the first thing he thought of, the only question on his mind right that second. dan stared at him.

"we bought them," he said in a soft voice. "jarvis brought them back from one of his trips and let me grow them."

the answer seemed almost rehearsed, and phil's eyes narrowed. had he found something?

"they seem important to you," he said quietly. dan looked away.

"yeah, they were."

"were?" phil blinked. weren't they still there? they had been when dan took him there, less than a week ago.

dan didn't answer, staring at his lap and playing with his fingers. phil decided not to push it.

"is there much you care about?" he backtracked.

"no," dan deadpanned. "no, not anymore."

the atmosphere felt heavy, made worse by the awkward silence that made phil feel like he was drowning. he noticed dan moving his hands. they were still in his lap, but tapping... moving in a rhythm that only dan could hear. phil frowned, staring.

dan noticed, and abruptly stopped. phil cleared his throat.

"i'm gonna go to bed," he said, trying to make his voice sound as kind as possible, and not as rude as he felt like he was being. dan nodded.

"okay."

his voice sounded shaky, and phil thought about staying, but dan was already burying his face in his pillow.

he pressed his lips together, taking off his glasses to rub at his face. then he retreated to his room, switching off the light as he went.

strangely, he felt like he had missed a chance.

➸

phil woke up in the middle of the night to- well, nothing. the house was almost eerily quiet.

he rolled over in bed, and it suddenly felt far too big for him. it felt weird. like being thrown into space with nothing to grab on to. extremely alone.

or maybe he was just tired.

he checked the alarm clock on his bedside table, the glowing red letters reading a daunting 3:47 am. he sighed, shoving his head against the pillow, trying to fall back asleep.

it felt like ages before he realized it wasn't going to happen, although it was probably only a few minutes.

he stood up, yawning and grabbing his glasses.

well, i guess i'm up.

he stumbled to the door, deciding to make some coffee, and read until the sun came up. as soon as he closed the bedroom door behind him, he heard a soft purring noise.

warmth flooded over him as he remembered dan.

through the darkness he could faintly see him, laying on the couch on his stomach, his face pressed against a pillow. his cheek was squished against the surface, making him look chubbier.

phil stopped in his tracks, not wanting to wake him up. dan snored again.

jesus, even his snoring was cute. he sounded like a cartoon child, or a puppy. or maybe a cartoon puppy, with little z's popping above his head.

phil grinned, moving slowly and quietly towards the kitchen. maybe no coffee, not while dan was sleeping. maybe a snack instead. or some milk to help him sleep.

that's when he heard it. a soft, raspy, almost completely unheard "hi".

he turned back to the couch, where dan was sitting up slowly, rubbing at his eyes. phil had to take a moment to appreciate this.

dan looked groggy and half asleep, and his hair was even curlier than usual, and messier. his cheeks were pink from what phil could see, and his lips were sort of swollen looking. sweet jesus.

"hey," phil said slowly, smiling at him. "did i wake you up?"

dan shook his head, blinking sleepily at phil.

"no, no. i was already awake."

"you're a bad liar."

phil laughed. dan giggled, and shrugged, accepting his failure.

"you can't sleep?"

"no," phil responded, and instantly felt guilty. here he was, the one who had an actual bed to sleep in not just a narrow couch, and he was complaining. dan didn't seem to mind.

"i'm sorry," he said quietly. then he sat up.

"no, don't do that," phil protested. "it's really early, you should go back to sleep. i didn't mean to wake you."

dan looked surprised, and frowned.

"i'm not gonna just let you stay awake by yourself," he said as if it was obvious. "you'll get lonely."

phil stared at him incredulously.

"you'd do that? stay up with me?"

dan laughed, plumping his pillow and propping in up in his lap. "not only that, but i am doing it."

phil rolled his eyes.

"alright," phil pointed at him. he couldn't stop grinning. "but i'm making you hot chocolate. and you get to choose the card game."

dan smiled widely, flashing phil his teeth.

"that sounds fair."

and that was how phil found himself playing cards at three am and sipping hot chocolate with the strangest (and sleepiest) boy he had ever met.