☾ ☽

phil thought about the question. the one thing he wanted more than anything in the world...

there was so much that came to mind. he wanted to go home. he wanted his old life back, a lot. he wanted to sell some damn art.

but the one thing that wouldn't budge from the front of his mind was...

"a garden," he blurted, playing with his fingers. "i really want a garden. inside the flat, it doesn't even have to be big. like at home." he sighed. "but that's not even... possible."

dan was quiet, quietly watching him with those wide brown eyes. phil laughed nervously.

"it's stupid..."

"it's not." phil was surprised by the force behind dan's words, compared to how he had been acting a moment before. "don't say that. no dream is stupid."

phil nodded, staring at him. "what about, uh... what about you?"

dan paused, his face shadowing momentarily.

"um, my family, i guess."

something in his tone told phil that that wasn't the real answer. that while he wanted that, it wasn't what he wanted more than anything. phil decided to drop it. he didn't want to scare him away.

"when you were little, what did you want to be?"

dan scooted closer on the bed, rocking slightly, his slender arms wrapped around his knees.

"an astronaut." he laughed quietly.

"i wanted to be a botanist." phil sighed, shrugging and glancing over at his half painted work. he hadn't added a bit since the flower incident. "now i just want to be considered an artist by one person."

"i think you're an artist."

when phil turned back to him, dan was staring at him, his eyes glimmering in the dark, illuminated by phil's lamp.

"you do?"

"yes." he sounded completely serious. he locked eyes with phil, which was rare, so phil figured he meant it. "you're amazing."

it felt like such a genuine complement that it kind of shocked him. he felt his face going red.

"thank you, dan."

dan's gaze fell back down, and he picked at a string in phil's comforter.

"no problem." dan pressed his lips together. "have you... how many relationships have you been in? if you don't mind me asking."

phil pulled a pillow into his lap, hugging it to get more comfortable.

"like... three. three serious ones." he shrugged. "they were back home. i actually had to end a relationship when i moved here..."

it had been with a church boy, that lived two blocks away from him. it was bound to happen anyway, phil knew. but it still hurt. he was over it by now, though.

dan looked up.

"oh," he said softly. "that's not good. i'm very sorry."

"it's alright." phil flashed him a smile, as if to prove his point. "what about you...?"

dan licked his lips, shaking his head. "never. i haven't even had a crush before."

phil blinked, sitting up straighter.

"wait, seriously?" he pushed his glasses up his nose. "you've never had a crush?"

dan nodded, frowning, pouting a bit. "is it that bad?"

"no, no, it's not bad, it's just-" phil shook his head. jesus, dan really hadn't had much of a life. phil had had plenty of crushes before, even if not all of them ended in a relationship. "gosh, i can't imagine... does that mean you've never kissed anyone before?"

he instantly regretted asking that; dan blushed furiously and looked away, sucking on his bottom lip.

but he didn't really regret it.

"no," dan said finally, his voice small.

"oh," phil said.

"yeah," dan responded. "what's it like?"

phil thought. what was it like? it wasn't extraordinary, in his opinion. or maybe he just hasn't been kissing the right people.

"overrated," he said simply. dan's face dropped.

"oh."

suddenly the atmosphere seemed tense, and kind of hot, and dan seemed disappointed, and phil had definitely handled that entirely the wrong way. he wondered what he would do differently if he could go back.

"i have another question for you," phil said, to get them back to talking, if not only to break the silence.

dan looked up.

"what's your job?" phil raised his eyebrows, and dan groaned, dropping his head back on to his knees. phil laughed.

"i told you, it's a secret."

phil playfully tossed a pillow at him, and dan caught it. "do you sell drugs or something? is that why you can't tell me? cause i'd rather not have my rent payed in drug money, thank you."

dan laughed, shaking his head. "do i really seem like the type of person to sell drugs?"

yes, this was good. maybe they could be back to normal.

"you never know."

dan threw it back at him, and then sighed, deep and slow.

"fine." he paused, pushing his wavy hair back. "i sell flowers."

well. that was not what phil had expected.

he had expected dan to say he was a cashier or something, and he had been embarrassed. but he sold flowers?

"what?" phil asked, the only thing he could think to say. dan nodded.

"i sell flowers," he repeated. "like, at a stand. bouquets mostly."

phil stared at him, stunned. "why didn't you tell me?" he shook his head. "where are you getting flowers?"

dan giggled, his lips tugging up to form a lopsided grin. "now that, dear sir, i cannot tell you."

dan seemed like he was in a much better mood, so phil decided not to push him too much. but he was definitely going to pass this information on to eliza.

he reached over to poke the boy's arm.

"are you trading flowers for drugs?"

dan rolled his eyes, falling backwards on phil's bed.

"yes, phil. you caught me-!"

phil smiled at the giggly boy fondly. he was glad it wasn't tense between them anymore.

that didn't mean he wasn't going to find out what dan was hiding, though.