Notes from the author:

Hello guys, how are you?? I decided to divide chapter 3 in two parts as it is very long and detailed. Part one will contain sensitive topics such as torture, depression and suicide.

friendly reminder that if you feel triggered by the topics mentioned, feel free to not read this part as you can skip to part 2. ( although you will miss some important stuff)

Please, do not read if you feel triggered.

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What felt like the early hours of the morning, I awoke feeling uneasy, trying to figure out where I was. That's when I remembered.

In this dark room I sat with my hands holding my knees as I tried to figure out why I was there in the first place. Although I attempted to remain alert, I felt numb, deceived by my senses. 

            The darkness took over gracefully, as if that place was her own sanctuary. There was something about the darkness of this room that felt embracing.  In that place, it like death had invited itself into the darkness. The atmosphere was both welcoming and terrifying. My eyes searched the surroundings but I couldn't find anything. As I tried to stand up, I realized that my hands were chained to the floor, which prevented me from standing. I tried desperately to find a window, turning my head around. An attempt which failed miserably.

        The smell of decomposing bodies drifted across the room as I regained my sense of smell. The room was overall silent. I had found myself in a state of quietness that almost felt peaceful. But despite that, the place was filled with the disconcerting scent of dead meat. The smell served me reminded me that I had to remain alert... I could be next. I also picked up the scent of old vomit and human waste, like a perfect combination of disaster.

In my mind, it felt like I should have screamed for help, like I should scream at the top of my lungs so that someone could come after me.

But in reality, I did not want to. No one would come for my rescue anyways. I am usually the person that rescues people...not the one that is rescued. I wondered if my family missed me then, probably not. Honestly, I am not quite a "Loved" person. I wouldn't miss me if I were them either.

Deep down, I really wanted to get out of there but could I? I had found myself chained like a criminal, paying for a crime I was unaware of.

       I realised a few minutes later that my sense of hearing had returned, I pondered my own state of misery. Screams were heard. Agonising screams that would make anyone hearing it feel like their soul was being torn apart. I heard people crying for help and my body moved in agony. The agonizing sound of their screams filled my ears as my eyes wandered into the dark room filled with emptiness.

"I had to get out there". That was the only thing I could think of while I heard their suffering.

Laughs were also heard. There was an evil, sadistic person behind all this terror, and I wanted to find out who it was. I wanted to put an end to this, but could I? I found myself helpless.

Whenever I yanked off the chains that kept me imprisoned, they felt heavier and tighter, my body was shaking from terror. The more I breathed, the heavier and heavier my chest felt while I tried to calm myself down. Sweat came out of my pores. The thought of dying made me more agonized.

The screams suddenly stopped, followed by the sound of what could be a body falling on the floor.     

      Steps were heard approaching. At that moment, I was sure the next person to be killed was me.

 The footsteps grew closer and closer, a door suddenly opened. I didn't even notice there was a door, I was blinded by the darkness of the room. I saw two women enter, while one held a medieval torch as they walked closer to me. I initially thought they were nuns because they were dressed in traditional nun's garb... but then I realized that there was something different about them. Something about how their eyes were emotionless and their body language was cold.

"Look at what we have here"- said one of them as she came towards me. She leaned forward in order to see my face. She smiled, the light of the torch shining by us. Her wrinkles aligned perfectly with her facial expression. She looked younger than expected. However, her eyes told a different story... As if she lived previous lives before. What was merely speculation before became certainty. I could see countless remains of body parts laying carelessly at the corner of the cell. Probably people that died from starvation or other things. Poor souls.

Just like a predator scolding their prey.

"Are you ready to confess?"- She questioned gently, at the same time. She touched my face , as if she wanted me to feel comforted instead of worrying. She looked harmless, but at the same time lethal.

I tried to move away from her, confused. She wanted me to confess for what? I haven't done anything wrong in my entire life. In fact, I helped people on a daily basis. Of course, like any other human I have flaws. But are they lethal to the point that I have to be incarcerated?

"Confess what?"- I inquired nervously, I felt my muscles tense up. I tried not to tremble while I spoke in order to mask my fear.

"You know what you did wrong, confess" - one of them insisted,  her sharp voice penetrated the sudden quietness of the room.

"I have nothing to confess, please...I am sure you have gotten the wrong guy-"

My face was suddenly hit by one of them. She hit me and I experienced an incredible amount of pain in the muscles in my face. Then, she hit me again. This time, the pain felt stronger. I felt the blood spilled from my nose run down my lips, the taste felt bitter as I agonised in pain. I cried in terror while they looked at me, merciless. I looked up begging for help, maybe someone out there would notice that I was missing. Maybe someone would come to rescue me. Maybe I was loved after all.

"What do you want from me???" I shouted, trying to figure out what brought me there in the first place. From the cry, my eyes were burning. 

"Confess my child, for you have sinned. Must I remind you of your crimes?" one of the women chucked when she pulled my head towards her face in order to make an impact.

"I have done nothing wrong! Please just let me go!" I begged.

"We know about the one you love, my dear child. You are sinful... confess to your crimes and you shall find mercy, for that God is just" - The woman spoke, purposely holding the torch against my face. I felt my skin burn as I agonized in terror. The newly burnt smell of fresh meat emerged, quickly blended with the atmosphere.

She pulled the torch back in order to give me time to think. All types of thoughts popped up in my head in order to figure out what I did wrong. In my head there was nothing, filled with nothing...and then...Something.

Then I realised what she was talking about.

I finally understood that I was guilty of such a common crime... in fact I was guilty of one thing, that being that I loved. The true nature of my "crimes" was as innocent as an adolescent love, for that it was innocent and pure. But for them and for the rest of the world it was seen as unholy, promiscuous. I never acted upon that feeling and I would never. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. The lives of those around me would be ruined if they realised the true nature of my feelings towards that person. I also simply couldn't. Deep down I knew it was wrong, that I should die for it to say the least. That I was an abomination, a freak.

I wanted to laugh realizing that my last memories of this rotten world were going to be filled with anguish, I would perish in the hands of those who sought for justice. The two women looked at me as if they wanted to terrorise me more than they already had.

"I won't confess... I would rather die an innocent in the eyes of those I love than letting them know that the accusations you have against me are true. So, bring it on! Do your worst!" - I growled one last time in an audible, authoritarian voice. They had gotten the best of me... but I refused to show that to them, I wouldn't. If I were to die that day, then I would. But I'd leave one thing for them to remember me by. I was born a fighter and I would go down  a fighter, until the end.

      With that being said, the two women walked away from me almost as if they were expecting me to react like that. They discussed among themselves, quietly and shortly after they left the cabin. The minutes they were gone felt like peace, it felt like it would be my last peaceful moment before my.... Well, I refused to think about that.  I felt my tears shed instantly,  I cried hopelessly. They felt warm, contrasting with the coldness of that room... I hoped that this feeling could have lasted a little longer. That I could have held onto it a little longer before I--

The two women came back with company. This time, a tall, rather muscular man stood beside them.  

"Unchain him" One of the women commanded the man, and so he did. He walked towards me to remove it, I began to realise that this was the beginning of my end. My body instantly felt lighter as the chains came off, hitting the ground with a sharp and agonizing sound.

"Bring him to us" - one of the women commanded.

He grabbed me effortlessly, and quickly.

I could barely stand on my own two feet , facing the two women before me. The once emotionless look in their faces changed, they looked happy as they held a piece of fabric with them. He tightened his grip on me once he realised, I had panicked. One of the women aggressively placed the bag over my head, covering my face completely. There I was once again, deprived of all my senses. 

"Now, follow us, we shall bring him outside now." - the two women pronounced in unison while the man practically shoved me outside the cell. Despite the fact that I was too weak to walk, the man lifted me up to carry me, which I thought was a kind gesture coming from people like them.

I heard footsteps as we walked through a corridor and I came to the conclusion that there were more people like me in there.  On the way up what felt like stairs, I heard countless voices. They were all distinct and held some unique charm amongst them.

Suddenly, I was thrown on the floor like a bag of potatoes. The man abruptly removed the sack from my head and there I was. In the middle of what seemed to be like a coliseum. Right at the centre encountered a guillotine, waiting patiently to be used.

The early rays of sunshine reflected beautifully on the metallic blade. Around me, stood a crowd of simple looking people with some kind of amusement in their eyes wanting to be entertained. they were people of all sorts, united by one common thing they wanted to witness...my execution.

Alongside me, the two women stood powerfully as if they were the mouthpiece of God himself and the crowd cheered for them. 

My eyes wandered impatiently, searching among the countless faces for someone familiar and I couldn't find anybody. I knew it, I was left alone to deal with the cruelness of this world.

"Quiet now, children of the justice" one of the women began to speak. "What brings you all here today is the execution of this abomination"

"Like many that lost themselves to the devil, this parasite has lost himself to lust. He failed to confess to the eyes of God the true nature of his feelings and for that I sentenced him to death... Unless someone here speaks for him."

She continued her speech while the crowd applauded in enthusiasm and sonly after they all went silent. I turned my head desperately in search of someone I knew that would intervene for me. And that reassured my negative thoughts, I knew deep down no one cared about me enough.

Or so I thought.

An unknown woman raised her hand among the crowd. Her hair was darker than the others which made her stand out. The crowd protested against this woman, making one of my executors hold their hand in the air, telling them to be silent. The mysterious lady walked towards me, ignoring the crowd and everyone around her. She then leaned towards my face and whispered "Sooner or later, your secret will come out. Love is a heavy burden to carry. Just confess and you will be able to get out of here".

"Never" I whispered.

"You have decided your fate then." "I was mistaken, there is no reason why I should interfere. Do with him whatever you want"

She walked away from me as she gave me one last smile. I felt helpless.

"Now, how do we begin?"- one of the torturers implied happily, my execution came towards an end. I remember the crowd running towards me like they were on a hunt. I felt numerous hands coming towards me,  grabbing my body and forced my way towards the guillotine.

I tried to fight. I helplessly tried to punch as many people as I could while they violently placed my head inside the lunette. I was completely immobilised. A feeling of terror had taken over my entire body. I looked up at the stranger standing behind the crowd, still staring at me and she whispered inaudible things to me.

I wanted to cry one last time as my life was about to end but I realised that I had no tears left to cry. The crowd shouted numerous things, throwing stuff at me. They called me sinful, abominable, perverted...among other things and at that moment, I couldn't care less.

I looked up to the grey sky, attempting to record how it looked one last time before I died,

I heard the sharp click of the blades as it got released by the people that ambitiously wanted my head. I thought I felt the sharpness of the blade quickly penetrating the softness of my neck. That I could hear the "other side" calling me over,  my shirt got stained with fragments of my own blood but instead, there was nothing.

I have found myself in a continuous state of nothingness and emptiness and that was when... when I woke up.

Aries' P.O.V

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credits: 

              In the wake of a dreadful nightmare, I felt uneasy as my body remembered what it felt like. It was like if my neck still felt the blade cutting it through.  It dawned on me while we travelled that I had fallen asleep on the bus. I had talked to one of my sister's friends before I slept in an attempt to regain some energy. She looked at me with admiration,  we talked and I refused to take my eyes off of her. I didn't do it because she was attractive, but to make the other girls that sat near her mad. Their attempts to gain my affection have always been unsuccessful and to be frank, I was growing tired of it. I sensed the disappointed eyes staring at both of us, we talked and that gave me a slight relief. A guy from my class, who sat beside me, stared at those girls and then at me with a confused look on his face. Almost like his eyes were saying "What the fuck is wrong with you, bro?".

Shortly after, the teachers came inside the bus and told us to be quiet. That gave me the perfect excuse to end the conversation and turn back around. It wasn't a tough decision for me to obey the teacher since everybody in that school pretty much knew that I needed to maintain my reputation of a "perfect student", and I needed to keep things that way. Not because I liked the attention, but to prove myself that I was good at something no one else was.

          Growing up, I realized that everyone around me was good at something. For example, my sister was a good singer. Even though she asked me to keep her hidden talent a secret, I couldn't help myself but to admire her. My friend Pitt was good at archery. My parents were good at everything they did. And I? I was just ordinarily average. I always wanted to stand out at doing something. I always wanted to be the best at everything and the people around me thought I was great... but the truth is... there is always someone better, someone greater. My parents had noticed my "competitive" side since I was a kid. They saw this being an opportunity to "polish" my skills.

I was forced to join countless clubs and take part in countless activities by my mother because of this. In the past couple of years, I realized that she saw me like a lottery ticket that would carry the legacy of our family name. She had grown colder and harsher, always reminding me that: "sometimes, just good is not enough. You have to be the best". She wasn't like that with my sister, in fact she acted almost neglectful. My father on the other hand was very loving, but he loved his business more than he loved his own children. He tried to be physically there for us but he wasn't there. I tried talking to him about my feelings, I've tried to share my secrets with him so we could bond. Attempts which failed dismally.  In addition, I tried getting my mother to express affection towards me but she did not do so. I couldn't handle it any longer.  I became older and more aware of my circumstances... so I began to mutilate myself.

      I started doing it when I was 14. I wanted to see whether anyone would notice or care and no one did. However, as I sliced my wrist with sharp instruments, I realised that this had evolved into something more. It felt relieving to watch my blood being spilled while it flew out of my body. It felt good to deviate from the internal pain I was feeling by doing it.

When I accomplished it, I felt better? It dawned on me that I was, in reality, a force to be reckoned with. I realised that I had the ability to put a stop to it all. I could terminate my life if I wanted to, and no one would be able to stop me. Three and half years have passed and the initial feeling of ecstasy slowly faded away.  I wanted more, I wanted to feel more pain. That feeling served as my only reminder that I was in fact alive. The cuts had gotten deeper, bigger. And yet no one noticed, no one cared.

Could I blame them? To everyone else, I was this amazingly popular guy that had no troubles and everybody loved him. My family saw me being something close to a god. The thought of me being depressed never crossed their heads... and that was a lot of damage.

     I realized I was all alone in this world. If I died no one would really miss me. My sister would, of course. But my death wouldn't be something fatal to the family, I doubt my mother even loves me enough to miss me. With the arrival of my nightmares, I realised that I wanted to end it all. I have gotten used to the near-death experiences I've been through every night anyways. I decided that I was going to put an end to everything on New Year's Eve, 4 weeks from now. That is the truth behind my desire to embark on this journey. I wanted to make the most of the last few weeks I had before I had to go...

I wanted to make enough happy memories with those around me before I ended everything.

For the first time in a long time, I saw this holiday as an opportunity to explore and be myself. Everything would be ideal if I was in the company of my friends and sister. Then, when the time came, I'd send a letter to everyone I cared about, explaining why it was necessary to do what I did. Everyone, including the person I genuinely cared about... the one I truly loved.

     I'm not sure if they'd miss me. Almost certainly not.

Even if my feelings for this individual were pure, I would never act on them. I knew it was unethical and immoral. If the rest of the world knew, they'd treat me like a monster. They'd make fun of me, and Aries, who was previously adored, would be treated like a beast... if not worse.

  The bus rolled over to our destination, I leaned my head against the window to rest. I had found myself in a continuous state of tiredness. I wanted to find a way to stop this, but could I? I had to keep myself strong to other people. At least for now.

I remember closing my eyes, slowly. My eyelids felt heavier and heavier. My body felt tired and numb, all I wished for was a good nap... I wanted to look rested at least when we arrived at the hotel. If it continued like this, what was supposed to be my last few weeks of happiness would turn out to be a literal nightmare.

      Well, now we know that my wish did not come true.

The boy next to me jumped out of his seat as I jumped out of mine, since we were both terrified, but for different reasons. The girls at the back leaned forward to check on me and the people that sat in front of us had their heads turned in our direction. The bus remained awkwardly silent for a few seconds until the boy next to me exclaimed: "Aries had a nightmare, sorry."

The teacher looked at the both of us, confused.  I could tell by the judgemental look on his face that he did not believe what the boy had told him, assuming that he had only jumped in order to cause a hassle.

"Sorry, sir. I am (Kind of) a sleep talker. I was dreaming something weird then I woke up"

I exclaimed cheerfully in order to make my statement believable. The teacher nodded in our direction, turning his back around in order to face the front. The other students sonly after, did the same thing. The pain in my head was excruciating. These nightmares were different from the ones I usually have. It's been about a month since they started appearing in my sleep. That's how long I haven't been able to get a good rest. I would like to say that I had gotten used to them... but I never did. I woke up with the same headache every day, each one more painful than the last. 

   "Do you want something, Aries? I am sure I can help" - one of the girls sitting behind me gushed, leaning forward once again, so I could see her face.

    "No, thank you" - I smiled, trying to her. She looked disappointed . What was I supposed to say?? "Come sit in my lap, darling"?

I knew she wanted my attention but I refused to. My school's majority of female students claimed to have a crush on me. Even a number of them were brave enough to speak up about their feelings. I couldn't love them back, though. I wouldn't do that.

My heart belonged to someone else, and I couldn't lie to myself about how I genuinely felt. I would never date a female or anyone else, and I would never use them as a stepping stone. After all, I was a gentleman.

I would not commit such a thing, as much as I despised some of them for being so desperate.

Pt 2 Will be posted soon. I hope you all have a lovely week!