Lately, Alucard felt weird, like he could throw up every moment because of some weird feeling in his heart. He considered to go to Estes and ask what's wrong, but he simply didn't have the time for it. He was a busy man and he had more stuff to be worried about. It wasn't like he never worked while he was sick before and besides it was probably nothing to be worried about. So he just continued with what he was doing and ignore the red signs. But he started to take it a little bit more serious when he coughed out a flower. It happened when he and Guinevere went on a mission. He never met the Baroque family before but one-day Tigreal just said to him that he should pack his bags because he would go on a mission with Guinevere Baroque. To be honest he still doesn't know why he went and where because Tigreal gave them zero information, just that they had to go to the magic academy. He and Guinevere were just talking about random stuff and getting to know each other better when Guinevere asked a question.

'' You are partners with Granger right?'' Alucard just nodded and asked why she asked.

'' Because I want to know if the rumors are true,'' said she with a little laugh.

''What rumors?'' There are so many rumors about Granger and or with him, that Alucard couldn't keep it up anymore.

'' About him having a lover! Big brother Lancelot told me that he saw Granger with a pretty sniper girl. He said that it looked like a date and now I am curious!'' Alucard couldn't help but laugh it was just impossible to imagine. Granger on a date with a girl? Are they talking about the same Granger who even with him Alucard, his partner, and best friend for years, never really talk that much? Sure he talked to him more then he talked with anyone else, but still most of the time Alucard just talked and talked. 

'' Granger isn't the type who goes on 'dates'. He is only focused on his missions just like me and besides he is not interested in love. Granger said it himself to me.'' said Alucard. Guinevere just looked at him funny and she shook her head. 

'' But it's true tho because Claude saw it as well.'' Alucard just rolled with his eyes because why would anyone believe anything Claude says? He is a thief and he just liked mischief. Alucard and Claude are good friends tho but Claude is not the best with secrets.

'' Who believes anything Claude says? He has mischief written all over him.'' Guinevere frowned and looked at him questionably.

'' But why would they lie? And Harith and Harley as well?'' mumbled she too no one

''' Harith? What about him?'' said Alucard curiously. To be honest Alucard was really protective about Harith even tho he would always tease him. Harith meant the world to Alucard and he would never let anyone hurt him, Alucard basically treated Harith as his own son. So he couldn't help but be curious if anyone just mentions him.

'' Harith was with Claude, Lancelot, and Harley. Lancelot told me that Harley wanted to stalk Lesley because lately, she was always sneaking off or something like that. He asked Harith to company him and Lancelot and Claude were hanging out when Claude heard Harley's plan. And then Claude thought it would be funny to join. So they just stalked her -weirdos I know- and saw how Lesley and Granger were acting like a couple. How romantic right!''

Granger on a date? And not even telling Alucard about it? He could still remember how shooked he was because it never happened before. Again he felt a weird feeling in his chest that made him want to cry. He suddenly had to urge to cough and when he did he coughed out a flower. Guinevere just looked at him weirdly and ask if he was alright. Alucard barely remembered what happened after it, but he felt like the coughing out a flower had something to do with this weird, almost painful feeling in his chest. But did he do anything with it? The answer is no, Alucard just shrugged it off and continued with his life. But he still couldn't help but be a bit worried especially after hearing Guinevere's words.

'' You know the flower you just coughed is called Daffodil, a beautiful but yet poisonous flower that can cause some irritation. You know that right?''

The answer was no he didn't, and it didn't make him feel safe at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Since that day he started coughing more Daffodils out and he was getting more and more worried about his condition but more about how it would affect his work. He couldn't let years of hard work and dedication to The Moniyan Empire just slip like that. To be honest, he still hoped that it would just go away after a few days, but it has begun weeks ago and it still isn't going away. At least it wasn't going worse, Alucard just coughed sometimes just randomly some Daffodils but it wasn't something to be worried about, at least that's what he thought. But lately, he felt much more out of it than he ever was, it didn't affect him that badly yet but he did feel like he was getting seriously sick if he continued like this. So hoping for answers he went finally, after a few weeks having to cough out flowers here and then, to Estes the most skilled doctor in The Moniyan Empire. 

''Hello, my friend. What can I do for you Alucard?'' Estes was known as a calm and wise man. No one knew where he came from and what his history is some said he was the Moon Elf King other said he was just an elf. All we really know that he has mastered Light Magic and can heal anyone in just a second. Alucard really hoped that Estes could help him. 

'' These past few weeks have been weird, lately, I've been coughing up flowers and I wonder if you could tell me what I have,'' said Alucard as he went through Estes's workplace. 

Estes said nothing and just went through some books. Alucard just waited on a chair and looked curious around the place. Everywhere he looked they were bookcases so high what are filled with books and more books with a lot of magical stuff laying around. He wonders if Estes has read all the books. He saw how Estes went from one book to another and Alucard couldn't help but be worried. Why couldn't Estes find the right book? What is going on? Normally Estes didn't have to think twice to know which book he needed to help the patient, but now he has been searching the whole time. Finally, after a long time, Estes seemed to have found the book he was looking for. He dropped the thick book on the table right in front of Alucard and looked at him with serious eyes. 

'' I think I know what you have but first I have to know some things, so I am going to ask a few questions, okay?'' Alucard just nodded and so they sat there a few hours just to get to know what Alucard has. After it felt like an eternity, Estes seemed done.

'' I know what you have, it's called Hanahaki Disease,'' said Estes after he closed he finished writing in his notebook.

' Hanahaki disease? Isn't that just some legend or mythic?'' asked Alucard confused. Estes just simply shook his head and went through his book. He flipped it open on a page called 'All About The Hanahaki Disease' and pointed out on the picture.

'' Tell me what you see,'' said Estes with a stern look in his eyes. Alucard just looked at him weirdly but he did what Estes asked, after all, he was the expert.

'' Uhh a girl with flowers in her hand and blood on her mouth?'' answered Alucard confused. He doesn't get what this has to do with him.

'' Correct, this is a girl who suffered from Hanahaki Disease. An illness that makes the victim cough up flowers when they suffer from one-sided love.''

At first, Alucard wanted to laugh because that sounds absurd, but the serious look in Estes's eyes made him kinda scared. Because why is he looking like he really means it? It's not true and Alucard knows it, he does not suffer from Hanahaki Disease and he knows it, but now he kinda questions it.

'' You are joking right?'' asked Alucard with a little laugh. Estes just looked at him and said nothing. Panic began the rise up in Alucard. No way that it is true! Just no way! With sudden anger, Alucard stood up and looked at Estes and repeated the question. 

''You are joking right?!'' 

Estes just said nothing again and pointed out something on the page again. ''I never joke about a patient's condition. Alucard the symptoms are right here, I just thought you what you have. It's up to you what you do with it. Now if you excuse me I have work to do.

'' But I am not in love with anyone!?! How can I suffer from it then!?!?!'' Alucard's mind was a mess and he felt like he couldn't think straight anymore. It just didn't make sense to him, he couldn't suffer from the Hanahaki Disease! He doesn't suffer from one-sided love!

Estes just looked at him and then continued with what he was doing.

'' Alucard you know that I am never wrong and Hanahaki Disease never lies as well. Take the book if you want to look at it, just return it to me when you sort yourself out.'' And with that Estes disappeared into a room. Alucard was just left dumbfounded and wide eyes and he never felt more confused and angry in his life before, if you didn't count his parent's death. After he felt like he had control over his body he turned around, grabbed the book and just left the place in a hurry. Denial written all over him because he would never ever accept this answer. He was not in a one-sided love, he was not.

Who knew that that denial was slowly killing him?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'' What are these called Guin?'' 

''Yellow Carnations, it means denial and rejection. Doesn't this seem like a sign to just open your eyes and see the reality?'' said Guinevere with a sigh. Alucard just humphed and thudded on the couch. 

Ever since he went to Estes yesterday he coughed up a different flower, it wasn't a white Daffodil anymore but now a yellow flower. He had read the book Estes gave him and he couldn't help to be still in denial because Alucard refuses to believe that he likes anyone. Because there is no one! But every time he thinks that he would cough up the yellow flowers and it seemed like the book was right. Because on one page it said that you cough up flowers that reflect your negative feelings. And every new flower is worse than the last one. 

'' Do you even know who you are in love with?'' asked Guinevere after a long silence. 

'' I have no clue who I am supposed to be in love with because I am not in love!'' said Alucard with his teeth scratched. A second after he said it he started coughing up another pair of Yellow Carnations. Guinevere just said nothing and grabbed a bin where Alucard dumped the flowers. He wiped some of the flowers rest around his mouth away. They had a rule to go on with their lives after Alucard would cough up some flowers. 

'' And that's why you've been avoiding Granger?'' said Guinevere again with a sigh. Really she couldn't believe Alucard was this dense. Alucard frowned and looked at her questionably.

'' What has Granger to do with this?'' Guinevere just facepalmed and sighed out loud. She shook her head repeatedly and just looked at Alucard with a really?-look in her eyes.

'' You know I only know you a few weeks but still, I cannot believe you are this dense. Let's make this clear, you started coughing up flowers when we were on our first mission together right?'' Alucard just nodded confused at her and she couldn't help but to roll with her eyes at him.

'' What were we talking about? We were talking about Granger and about him going on a date with Lesley right? We were talking about how Lesley could be his lover right?'' said Guinevere hopeful thinking Alucard would get it now.

''So? I still don't get wha-'' Alucard suddenly stopped talking and he just stared at Guinevere with wide eyes. Guinevere couldn't help but be a bit excited now that he has finally figured out but when she saw the devastating look in his eyes, she felt a bit guilty. But Alucard has to know right? Otherwise, how were they supposed to try to stop this disease? It was already really obvious to Guinevere that Alucard liked -maybe even loved- Granger but when she saw how shooked Alucard was she wondered if maybe she is wrong. But she could tell that Alucard really had no clue who he is supposed to be in love with and that he really considered Granger. 

After a long time Alucard suddenly just laughed and shook his head repeatedly. He mumbled a few words and just continued laughing while he coughed up some more flowers with blood. Guinevere couldn't help to feel really awkward and she cringed at the unnatural laugh of Alucard. She was getting worried as well because Alucard coughed a lot more flowers than normal and they were even with blood! She wanted to grab the bin again but before she could Alucard suddenly stopped laughing. Nervous Guinevere looked at him and what he might do. She looked at him with wide eyes when she saw barely any emotion in Alucard's eyes.

'' I am not in love with anyone and especially not with Granger.'' His tone sounded so emotionless that it scared Guinevere. After he said it Alucard turned around and walked out of her room.

Guinevere never saw him again after that day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It got worse, way worse. After he found out that he maybe was really in love with Granger, it got worse. The worst thing about it that after thinking for a long time it made sense and all these feelings he had for Granger was never in a friendly way but romantic. And strangely it made Alucard feel calm, sure first he was in denial and it made him rage. But after just having some alone time it did make sense. He felt calm because now he has an answer to all these weird feelings he has lately. He laughed with no happiness and just stared blankly at the wall. Even tho Alucard felt at peace finally know about how he felt for Granger, it just reminds him that he was dying. Yes dying. After reading through the book from Estes again he now knows what this disease is all about. When he had read that if the victim continues to suffer from one-sided love, the flowers would eventually kill them. Alucard doesn't really get how it can kill him but he knows that Estes books never lie. It was good that Harith and Granger were out on a mission these past weeks because he doesn't want them to know. Alucard would find a way to deal with this, he just hasn't found one yet. 

'' Did you hear the news already? Granger and Harith are coming back!'' heard Alucard right outside his apartment.

 He groaned when he heard the news. He thought he still had a few weeks before they would come home! He doesn't have any solution to it and it was stressing him out. What is he supposed to do now?! Maybe he should move out because adults need to have their own house right? Suddenly Alucard felt better about the situation, he needs to move out and get his own home. He lived here all years so it was about time he got out, but he did live here for years. I mean it was a home and he has so many memories here. It wasn't so bad it was a nice place, it was close right next Granger's apartment. And Granger and Alucard's apartments are the best in the Moniyan Empire. He groaned again, no way he could move out of his house. He coughed up some flowers again and sighed tiredly. All this thinking made his head hurt and he just wanted to sleep. The coughing lately just appeared randomly and it made Alucard tired. As a result, he didn't take so many missions as before and took only the solo ones. He sighed -lately he has been doing that a lot as well- and dropped the beautiful dead flowers in his bin. Tiredly he wrapped the blankets around him tighter and laid on his couch. Even though it was daytime, it looked like it was nighttime in Alucard's home. He closed his eyes and tried to get some sleep. Tomorrow he is going to find a solution, right now he just wants to sleep.

But secretly Alucard hoped that he would never wake up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alucard tried to act like himself, tried to act like nothing happened and that he is perfectly fine. But it is hard because before the coughing wasn't a lot and only happened two times in a week. But now? Now it is becoming a part of his daily routine and it scared him a lot more, now that Granger and Harith are home. How was he supposed to cover it up? Especially after the talk with Silvanna. She was getting suspicious as well, and all these thoughts and feelings just gave him more stress and made him more tired. He didn't reveal what he had yet, simply because Alucard is too embarrassed to tell Silvanna what he had. One of the most dangerous and well-known demon hunters is suffering from a one-sided love disease? He surely wouldn't be as respected and admired if people know about it. To Alucard is his reputation really important for him because it made people and demons fear him -of course not everyone- and he would like to keep it that way. But this disease just makes everything so difficult. Almost every time he has to cough up flowers he had to find an excuse to go away and just let it out, and most of the time he just feels so tired afterward. But he has to pretend everything's alright for the day and in the night he can silently curse this curse and cry himself to sleep. He knows that the only cure is a surgery to forget his feelings with memories of that person or death will be knocking on his door pretty soon. Or if the person he likes, likes him back. But that would never happen and Alucard knows it. He considered to take the surgery but then all the memories of Granger would go away and to be honest he doesn't want that. Even tho this disease will most likely kill him and death scared Alucard to death -how ironic- he never wants to forget all the fun and beautiful moments he has with Granger. And hey how would Granger feel if Alucard just suddenly one day forgat him? It would scar him and Alucard doesn't want Granger to suffer more than he already had. Because he cares for Granger, a lot and he knows what he has been through and how much it hurt Granger. It would be selfish to just forget about him. So Alucard decided to not take the surgery even after Estes bugged about it for a long time, he would not take it. But after another visite from Estes, Alucard doesn't know what to do anymore, because Estes said something that blew his mind.

'' Your death would also hurt Granger a lot, you know that right?''

No, he didn't know, because he hasn't thought about it how his possible death would affect Granger. He honestly thought that Granger would get over it after a week or two. But when he saw how relieved Granger was when Rafaela said Alucard would be fine after getting shot in his leg after a mission that happened weeks ago, Alucard just feels intense pain in his chest when looking at his best friend and the person he loves. Because he then really realized that perhaps maybe his death would affect Granger a lot more than he thought. Alucard just wished at that moment that Granger would hate him and that also brought him an idea.

Granger wouldn't miss someone he hates, right?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

'' You have been acting weird Alucard.'' was the first thing Granger said after Alucard let him in his house. Alucard just looked at him nervously and laughed insecure. 

'' What do you mean?'' asked Alucard innocent as he tried to not throw up. There are times when he does need to throw up, he can resist the urge. It's not pleasant but it is a way to deal with it. 

'' You are avoiding Harith and us, actually, you are avoiding a lot of people. Don't think I haven't noticed so you better tell me what's wrong,'' said Granger with a fierce expression. Alucard said nothing, turned his back to him and just closed his bedroom door. His hair fell for his eyes and he couldn't help but sigh. Granger was really good at observing people and he always knew when something is wrong. It's something that Alucard admired about him, but right now hates. That's why he is glad that he hid all the coughed up flowers in a trash bin in his room, just in case.

'' I'm not avoiding anyone, especially not you and Harith,'' said Alucard in a monotone. He avoided Granger's glance and looked at anything but Granger's eyes. The heavy feeling in his chest just got worse with the second and the urge to throw up as well. 

'' Why are you here anyway? Shouldn't you be going off on some new mission?'' murmured Alucard while he went to the kitchen because it was getting hard to look pass Granger. 

'' That's why I am here because Silvanna told me you decided you didn't want to go with Harith and me and I want to know why. Why are you avoiding us, Alu? Just tell us, just tell me what's wrong! Because clearly you are not yourself the past few weeks and no one knows why because you don't tell us, Fanny, Tigreal, Silvana, Harith and me a thing!?! We are your team Alu and you can trust us and you know it. We are here for you and we want to help with whatever is going on right now but we can't help you if we don't know what's going on!!'' shouted -yes shouted- Granger at him.

Alucard's eyes went wide and he couldn't help but start shaking a lot. Not once did Granger ever shout at him angrily, Granger was a very quiet man who rarely talked and rarely shouted so this came as a shock to Alucard. Was it so bad? Alucard really thought he did a good job of acting normal, but clearly not. Or maybe Granger just knew him that well? Either way, Alucard was shaking and he didn't know what to do. This was not good, this was not good!! That sentence just repeated over and over in his head and the urge to cough up was killing him, so he knows what to do. 

'' I'm sorry.'' murmured Alucard softly and quietly. He put on his best fake smile and just laughed as a maniac while he slowly turned around and looked at Granger. What he saw shocked him because just something about Granger was different and he couldn't tell what it was. Granger just stood there in the living room and looked at him with an unreadable expression. Alucard felt really guilty for what he was about to do, but to make sure Granger won't suffer if he dies he has to do this.

''The truth is Granger I hate you and I hate everyone here as well.'' Alucard has been thinking for a long time if this was really a good solution and to be honest, he is still not sure, but he just doesn't know what else to do. If everyone hated him it would be better and so what that Alucard is probably gonna spend the last few days of his life. Sure it would be lonely and hard for him, but this way the others won't suffer and that makes it worth it. 

Granger looked at him like he was crazy and he rolled his eyes. ''Really Alucard now you are gonna joke about this?! This is serious, we want to help with whatever is going on! Why don't you just understand that?'' The anger in his eyes terrified Alucard, it was just so weird to see Granger mad. But he has to continue with this act, he just has too. He was kinda glad he practiced this moment, but it also made him sad. 

Alucard put on his most realistic, evil grin and looked at him -at least he tries too, he doesn't know if it works or not- with hatred in his eyes. ''Do you really think I wanted to be partners with you? Do you honestly think I wanted to be partners with some nobody demon hunter who thinks he can be on the same level as I am?! Do you really think that I, Alucard one of the most well-known demon hunters want to work with you an orphan kid who couldn't even save his parents?! Do you really think that a scumbag like you, who treats no one nice and only cares about himself, I would want to work with that?!!!''

'Please don't believe me, please just don't be sad, just hate me Granger just hate me. Just leave me alone to die and I don't mean any of it. It's a lie and it makes no sense, just ignore me, just forget about me, hate me. You're my family, so please understand that I protect you from more suffering. I really do love you and I just want you to live a good life and be happy' was what Alucard thought and wanted to say, but he can't, for everyone's sake.

''I fucking hate you Granger and despite your guts. No one can compete with me, because I am above all of you. I deserve better than what you guys give to me. From day one I hated you, I already knew from the start that you wanted to take my place away. I knew that you wanted to be the number one Demon Hunter in the Land Of Dawn. But guess what?! That will never happen!!''

At this point Alucard didn't even realize what he was saying, he was just saying random stuff in the hopes that Granger would hate him more and more. He didn't look once in his eyes, afraid he might start crying or something.

''Alucard why are you saying these kinds of stuff?! I don't understand..'' said Granger with a tone of total confusion and he almost sounded hurt.? </p>

''I HATE YOU, YOU MORON AND I HOPE YOU DIE ON YOUR MISSIONS ONE DAY!'' screamed Alucard 'angry'.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Please don't believe me.

Please just believe in yourself.

Please just hate me.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

''Alucard look me into my eyes and tell me you hate me if you mean it.'' 

Alucard looked up at Granger's eye when he heard how sad but still hopeful sounded. They both stared each other straight into each other eyes, neither speaking for a little while. One has a lot of confusion, a bit of sadness and anger in his red eyes. The other 'hate' and 'despite' in his eyes, but behind his pupils just sorrow and emptiness. Alucard sighed so softly and he almost wanted to cry. Here he was 23 and still acting like a child. He smiled bitterly and put his mouth into an evil grin again. With confidence and a steady, full of 'hatred' voice, Alucard said it while looking straight at Granger's eyes.

''Granger I despite you.'' spat Alucard out.

Right at that moment, not one soul was crushed, but two souls and their worlds as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

''Alucard this is the last time I can ask you this. Because the chances of success are getting smaller each day, are you sure you want to do this?'' asked Estes on one of his daily visits. 

Alucard lay lifeless on his bed, face pale, bags under his eyes are getting bigger each day, his throat hurt with every cough more and more, his strength was slowly becoming non-existing, but he manages a little smile and just shook with his head. 

''You know how I think about it, Estes. It sweet that you want me to live, but I made up my mind and nothing can change that.''

Estes said nothing and just shook with his head in a disapproved way. He stared briefly at the dead flowers and the few drops of blood spatters on the ground, it was a lot and every day there came more.

''Granger didn't come today as well, did he Alucard?'' 

Alucard just shook his head with a tired and empty smile. He coughed out a black rose and just stared at it softly.

''Of course not Estes, he hates me.''

Estes just stared at the man with a pity expression, after all, he never had a Hanahaki Disease patient before and he has been doing his job for a long time. Alucard's voice becomes more hoarse each day because of loads of coughing. Estes just refill the empty glass on the table next to Alucard's bed, with water. 

''How long do you think I have? And the truth please,'' asked Alucard after he drunk his water.

''Honestly? A week maximum or even less with the way you're going now. The surgery would help your chances by 40% if you don't choke by the flower before. Otherwise, the toxic parts of the flower will probably kill you.'' 

Alucard nodded silently and closed his eyes, with an insincere smile on his lips. 

''Will you be okay you think? Because you know this is the last visit, I have to go to the paxleys and the trip takes some time,'' asked Estes worried.

Alucard nodded again and give him a sincere smile. 

''I will be okay Estes, don't worry. I can handle this, it's only a week. And besides, you did everything you could and I appreciate it, really I do. ''

Estes looked at him sadly and nodded.

''Is there anything I can do for you? Before I go?''

Alucard pointed at a chest on his desk and then pointed at himself. He took his necklace with a key off and gave it to Estes.

''When I die you need to open the chest and release the letters, that's my last wish,'' said Alucard softly.

''You sure about that? I can do more for you if you want too,'' asked Estes. 

Alucard just shook his head and closed his eyes. 

''I'm okay, all I want is that after I die Granger just knows the truth and the truth is in the letters. Thank you for everything Estes, I'm sorry for being such a burden. You know where the money is right?''

Estes just nodded and started packing his backs. 

''If you need me, you know that you can call me anytime.''

''But in the time you need to get back, I probably already died,'' said Alucard with a slightly bitter tone. 

Estes said nothing and just stood at the door.

''Goodbye Alucard.''

Alucard smiled and let out a sigh.

''Goodbye Estes.''

Estes never saw him again after that day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today was the day, he could feel it. Today was probably the day Alucard is going to die. How he know he would? To be honest, he wasn't really that sure, but it just felt like it. He knew he was getting weaker and weaker each day, he could feel his life slipping away. Ever since he started acting weird -other people's words- he got a lot of people who wanted to visit him, but Alucard never opened the door. It was rude and he knows it, but he couldn't face them, Alucard was too scared. After the thing with Granger, it stopped and it made Alucard relieved and sad. Relieved because the people were probably mad and hated him and it was a pretty high chance Granger did as well. But it also made him dejected. But it was for the better was something Alucard repeated in his head all the time. His days were spend by just laying on his bed, staring with empty eyes at his roof and thinking about Granger, Harith and a bunch of other people. He hoped wherever they are, that they're happy. 

Alucard sighed when he started coughing again. A bunch of black roses fell to his hands, so beautiful and yet so deadly. He dumped them by the others on the ground and started to think again when his eye fell on his chest with all those letters from him to numerous people. But most of the letters were for Granger and Harith because Alucard felt guilty for everything and they were his family, but he ruined it. 

''Just like always,'' mumbled he softly with a hoarse throat. 

Alucard looked at the pictures on his wall and it was no surprise that most of them were of Granger and Harith. Alucard smiled a sincere and genuine smile when he looked at them. His eye fell on a picture with the three of them and a lot of presents. Harith was giving a hug to Alucard with a huge smile. Alucard's face was full of happiness and joy in that picture. Granger stood on the sideways with a soft, genuine smile and he just looked so proud of them. The picture was taken on Alucard's 23 birthday in the evening. In the morning was it a very big party with lots of people, in the end, only Granger, Harith, Tigreal, Fanny, Silvanna, Layla, Zilong, Miya and Ruby were there. It was still a lot in Alucard's opinion, but they were very important for him, so it was okay. He remembers that when they gave the presents they left after that because so the ''family' could have some alone time or something like that. Only Silvanna was left when Granger and Harith gave their presents, so she could take pictures. This was one of them. He remembers how happy he was and grateful. 

Alucard smiled at the memories and stared at the window outside. Sure his life wasn't always the greatest, losing his parents, getting kidnapped and tortured by demons, living with a hatred so strong for so many years, before getting saved from himself, Alucard was still grateful. And it sounds so sappy and gross to him but it was true, he is happy. Even when he is dying because of the love he felt for Granger, everything was worth it. 

Suddenly a tear dropped out of his left eye, and then another one and another one. He didn't know why he cried, but suddenly everything was too much and he couldn't help it. His hearted hurt from the many emotions he felt, but he still felt happy. After the tears dried he stepped out of his bed. His muscles felt really weak because Alucard spend so much time in bed, zo he had to grab things to not fall. He slowly walked to the large window and sat before it. Today was the day that Lightborn Squad -without Alucard of course- was coming back from an S-level rank mission. But today was also for another reason a very special day for Alucard. Suddenly he heard loud music and he knew they were back, safe and sound. He saw how Fanny grinned at the attention, how Tigreal just looked so proudly, how Silvanna smiled a shy smile but when he looked at Harith and Granger, Alucard's heart pounded loud. He saw how Harith held Granger's hand with a smile but distant eyes, that broke Alucard's heart even more. But then he looked at Granger, he looked so different. It's been two weeks since the fight and Granger just looked like he has been stabbed 28 times ((does anybody get that reference? xd)) in his heart. He had huge bags under his eyes and his face was the whole time in a frown. Alucard felt a pang at his heart and he never felt so guilty before, but it was for the better, was what Alucard repeated in his head. 

''I'm so sorry Granger,'' whispered Alucard with tears flowing from his eyes. As if Granger heard him, Granger turned around and stared at the huge window of Alucard's apartment. Alucard held his breath in when he saw him and out of panic, he closed the curtains real quick. Alucard breathed heavenly and leaned on the curtains. Did he just really fucked up everything he worked on? He wiped away the tears from his eyes and stood weakly up. He stumbled to his bed and put the blankets right to his chin. Alucard let out a shaky breath and he stares again at the pictures. He saw them, one last time again and they looked okay. He knew they would get over his death pretty quickly and he was fine with that. Alucard knew they would be okay and that in the end, they would die happy, without him. And that's all that Alucard needed to finally let go. He stared at the pictures while tears flowing out his eyes, but he was happy. He smiled a genuine smile and let out another shaky breath.

''Thanks for everything Granger, Harith. Mom and dad, we will be finally together again after all these years,'' said Alucard when he closed his eyes. He felt his strength slipping away and he felt how he became more and more numb, the toxicness was killing him from the inside. But he could manage to say one more sentence. 

''I don't want to die but if it is out of love, it's worth it.''

Too bad that he didn't hear Granger's panicked screaming from the outside.

Too bad that he didn't hear Granger's footsteps from the inside of the house.

Too bad that he didn't hear Granger's cries.

Too bad that he didn't hear Granger's real feelings towards him

Too bad that Alucard died without knowing the whole story.

''You made flowers grow into my lungs and although they are beautiful, I can't Breathe''

So yeah that was my first ever fanfic lol and I love angst.