Charlie

My eyes were heavy when I opened them. I looked around the small room and realized I was in the hospital. My head was pounding and confusion took over me. The last thing I could remember was fighting with Liam.

"Charlie?" Liam's long body stood up from the chair in the corner, and walked over to me. His eyes were red and his hair looked as though he'd ran his hands through it a million times.

"What happened?" My voice cracked, and I tried clearing it. Liam handed me a cup of water on the side table.

"You got alcohol poisoning and overdosed. They hooked you up to IV fluids because your level was at .27." He pointed to the IV in my arm. "How are you feeling?"

"Hungover." I tried to smile to lighten the mood. I was so embarrassed that he had to see me this way. I looked up at him and saw how worried his face was. "Liam, I'm so sorry. You don't have to stay if you don't want to."

"No. I want to be here with you. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you." He rested his large hand on my forehead, and I relaxed at the comforting action.

"You don't have to listen to me. I fucked up, and I don't deserve you." I felt tears well up, but my eyes did not leave his.

"Charlie, when we were fighting earlier, you said you didn't want to sleep with Ryan. What did you mean by that?" He asked and grabbed the chair behind him to sit down next to my bed.

I shrugged, not knowing how to respond.

"Did... did Ryan rape you?" Liam stuttered.

"What?" I asked, taken back. I didn't want to think about that. It was easier if I blamed myself. It was easier if I pretended like what happened wasn't fucked up, and it didn't ruin who I was.

"I'm so sorry I got mad earlier. What he did was not okay, and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." Liam squeezed my hand.

"I didn't want to, but he wouldn't stop, and I didn't know what to do. I should have done more." The tears I was trying so hard to hold back spilt over my eyelids.

"Stop. This is not you're fault. It's his." He gripped my hand tightly in his. Almost too tight, but I didn't mind.

"I don't wanna talk about this anymore." I finally looked away from him. My life was already messy enough. I didn't want to discuss my feelings about Ryan and make it even messier

"Okay, we don't have to, but I want you to know, I'm here for you no matter what. Okay?" He pressed his soft lips to my cold hand.

I nodded.

Shortly after, a nurse walked in and did whatever nurses did when they had to take care of druggies. It was already 10:30 at night and she explained I was getting a new nurse since her shift was up. I would have never even known the difference though.

Liam told me he asked them not to call my parents since I was 18 although he encouraged me to reach out to my father. It was protocol for them to keep me in the hospital for 72 hours since they believed my overdose was a suicide attempt, but the psychologist would come by in the morning to discuss it. Liam refused to leave my side for the night. I told him he could go home, but I was glad to have the company.

~~~

"Good morning, Charlie. My name is Dr. Stone. I am a psychologist here at the hospital. I just came in to have a chat with you." A middle-age male with a thick German accent walked into my room. "How are you doing?"

"Fantastic." I gave him a thumbs up in hopes he wouldn't see through my facade and make me stay another night. If I did have to stay, they would have to transfer me out of my current unit and into the "mental health unit" which is just nice terminology for an insane asylum. I knew I had issues, but I didn't belong there.

"They tell me your boyfriend is here with you?" He asked.

"He was. He just went home." I explained. Liam had spent the night in my room, and I finally made him go home for a little bit today at least. I wasn't sure if he was my boyfriend anymore, but I liked hearing people describe him as so.

"How long have you guys been together?" He asked.

"Only a few weeks." I answered.

"What about your parents? Have you told them you're here yet?" He started writing on his notepad.

I shook my head. "I don't think they'd care."

"Hmm. Why is that?" He asked.

"Look, can you just tell me what I need to say, so I can be discharged?" I snapped. I know he was only trying to do his job, but I was ready to go home.

"Charlie, they tell me you attempted suicide. That isn't something we take lightly around here. Especially, when it almost works." He took his glasses off and leaned in.

"It wasn't suicide. I just wanted to take a really good nap." I defended myself. Was it a suicide attempt? I tried to convince myself it wasn't.

"Then can you explain the cuts on your legs?" He asked.

I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth. There was no explanation for those, but I really didn't want to stay.

"So I'll be getting back to my questions now." He put his glasses on and leant back again. He was an ass. "Your parents?"

"My mom is an alcoholic, psychopath, and my dad left us when I was little. I see him from time to time, but it's more of an obligation. But I'm 18, and I'll be graduating high school soon, so I'm not too concerned with my parents." I rambled.

"You have plans after high school?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'd like to go to college." I said.

"Ahh. Well don't you think that'd be tough if you died?" He casually joked as if it wasn't the most morbid thing I've ever heard.

"Jesus! What kind of doctor are you?" I asked in disbelief.

"I'm a German doctor. We don't like to pussyfoot around our problems, and I need to know if you're planning on going home to off yourself again." He said.

"No. I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I've thought about it before, but I don't think I could ever follow through. I didn't plan on dying. It was an accident. I had a hard night, and I drank too much, and I guess I took some of my mom's pills." I said. Who was this guy? Was he allowed to talk to patients like this?

"Why was it a hard night?" He asked.

I didn't know how to answer. I thought of Ryan, and how much I regretted sleeping with him. Would it have made a difference if I tried harder to stop him? I thought of Liam, and how he asked if I had been raped. I thought about my mom and all of the abuse I've endured. I thought about my dad, and how he wasn't really a dad and just let me go through everything alone. Maybe it wasn't just a hard night but a hard life.

"I'm not gonna kill myself." Was the only thing I could think to say.

"I believe you won't intentionally do it. But something so bad must have happened that you thought drinking as much as you did and taking opioids was a good idea." He paused. "You seem like a smart girl, Charlie. You must have known that those two together were a bad idea."

"I just wanted to sleep." I forced the tears back. I did not want to cry in front of this doctor. He was the first person who didn't look at me with pity and shame. I didn't want him to lose that image of me.

There was silence between the two of us for a few minutes before he spoke again. "Where are you staying tonight?"

I couldn't go to Jo's because she hated me, so I guess I had to go home. "My mom's."

"I thought you said she was an alcoholic?" He asked.

"Well yeah, but where else am I suppose to go?" I shrugged.

"Liam believes you should move in with your dad." He said.

Of course he talked to Liam. I told myself I wasn't allowed to be mad at him for trying to get over involved in my home life since he forgave me for basically cheating. I gave the idea some serious thought. Would it really be that bad? "I don't think he'd let me."

"Have you asked?"

I guess I haven't. I did have a bedroom there that he made up for me. I haven't spent the night there since I was about 12, and I almost never went in that room anymore.

"Tell you what, you call your dad and talk to him, and I'll discharge you today. I'm also gonna start you on a dose of escitalopram, which is an anti-depressant. Before you leave, I want you to set up a follow up with me in two weeks. Okay?" He stood up from the chair.

"Deal." I shook his hand which was extended towards me.

"I wish you all the best, Charlie. I'll see you in a few weeks." He said and walked out.

He seemed very unconventional and almost erratic, but maybe there was a method to his madness. He got all the answers he needed within a ten minute conversation and somehow convinced me to move in with my dad.

"Hi dad." I said into the phone.

"What's up?" He asked on the other end.

"First, I wanna apologize for how I acted when I was at your house last week. I've been under a lot of stress, and I'm sorry." I said.

"I get it. I know Lindsey isn't your favorite person, but I appreciate you trying." He replied,

"Can I ask you a huge favor?" I asked.

"What is it?" He asked.

"Can I live with you until I go to college? I know it's a lot to ask, but I really don't think I can stay at mom's anymore." I was nervous for his answer and noticed I was holding my breath.

"Charlie, you know my door is always open. You have a key and room for a reason."

"Thanks dad." I felt anxiety and relief bubble inside me. Anxiety because I was nervous to move in with him, but relieved he said yes without asking for an explanation. "Is it okay if I come over tonight?"

There was silence on the other end. "Sure. Do you need help moving anything?"

"I think I'll be okay."

Our conversation didn't last much longer before I hung up. I had no idea what to expect.