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I felt myself shaking in my skin. Last night was bad again. Owen's dad didn't bring him back yet. I asked my mom where he was, but she ended up getting drunk and slapping me. I knew her nice streak would end. I thought about her comment of Owen's dad taking him and the lawyer. I wasn't sure if I was relieved that Owen had a shot at a normal parent raising him, or if I was angry his dad just thought he could rip him away from us. I had never met him before. He could be worse than my mom. I need to be there for him and protect him, but I wasn't sure how.

Now, it was Monday, and I had to see Liam in class. I hadn't talked to him since Saturday after the party. I was so embarrassed he saw me that way. I ended up waking up Lauren and sneaking out of his house at 6am. She offered to give me a ride to Jo's since my car was still there. I snapped him in the morning, letting him know I left, but I ignored his response. He had seen so much of me already that I wanted to keep hidden from the world. He knew my mom was a drunk and that I lived in a dump. He also knew that I partied and saw me cry due to being roofied. I knew it wasn't my fault, but I couldn't help but think he looked at me differently.

My anxiety was through the roof as I walked in to the classroom and saw Liam already sitting in the desk next to mine. Would it be bad if I skipped this class for the rest of my life?

Liam looked at the door, and his eyes locked on mine, a small smile appearing on his face. It was too late to turn back now. I kept my head down and walked to my desk, praying he wouldn't comment on the weekends events.

"Hey, it's Liam's boyfriend." Peter said as I sat down. Really? It was too early to start with this.

"Hey, I haven't heard from you." Liam said quietly.

"Awe, did she put out and then cut you off?" Peter asked.

"Shut up!" I glared at Peter. He was getting on my last nerve, and I wasn't sure how much longer I could listen to his childish comments.

"Damn. Sorry." He mumbled and sat back in his chair.

I looked back at Liam. "Look, you don't have to do this. I'm sorry about Saturday, okay?

"Do what? Charlie, I just want to make sure you're okay." He said.

"Yeah, but you don't have to. I'm fine. Can we not have this conversation in front of the entire class." I turned away from him, crossing my arms and slouching in my desk.

"Then when? You never respond to me." His voice was still quiet, but Peter and Maggie were intensely watching.

I closed my eyes and thought for a minute. This is why I didn't talk to people who went to my school. It gets awkward and turns into a mess. I had more important things to deal with other than dramatic fights with boys. I didn't want other people in my life. I wasn't ready for my walls to be broken down, and I didn't want to show vulnerability.

"Can we talk after school?" I asked, and he agreed.

Class went by as smoothly as it could have gone. I put my headphones in the second our lecture was done, so Liam would avoid talking to me. I did feel bad for being so short with him, but I just wanted to be alone.

The rest of the day also went by quite smoothly, avoiding interactions with others. I walked to my car for "lunch" as usual. I didn't eat anything, I just needed a break from people, so I hit my Loon. Nicotine was usually my lunch. I sometimes brought snacks, like fruit or a poptart, but not often.

I had never gone to school drunk or high, but the blunt I rolled for Saturday was still in my center console. It was tempting. I only had two more classes for the day, and I knew they would be easy. I stared at it about to grab it when my phone buzzed, making me jump.

It was a Snapchat friend request. From someone named Joe. The name seemed familiar, but I couldn't figure out why. I decided to add him back, and a new message from him popped up. It read, "Hey Charlie, someone from the party gave me your snap. I just wanted to apologize for how Saturday went. Is there any chance to make it up to you?"

Then it hit me. He was the asshole who roofied me. My heart started beating fast with rage.

"Listen here asshat. If you so much as breath towards my direction, I will personally beat the shit out of you."

I hit send and closed the app. I noticed a new text, and I opened that next. It was from my dad saying "Don't forget about supper tonight. BLT's."

I rolled my eyes. I swear he just made plans for me coming over without even consulting me first. I decided I had nothing better to do, so I would stop over there just to get him to leave me alone for a bit.

I had five minutes before I had to go back in. I decided not to smoke. I was a straight A student and teachers liked me. I didn't want to mess that up my senior year.

I went back inside and survived my last two classes. Next, I just had to survive Liam's interrogation. We decided on meeting by my car. When I got there, he was already leaning up against it.

"Hey." He smiled.

"Hi." My eyes refused to meet his. Liam's presence made my heart rate quicken. He was one of the most popular boys in school, and his good looks contributed to his status. Before this year, I had never really talked to him, and I never imagined him to be as kind as he is.

"I'm just gonna say it. I know you want to pretend that you're this badass girl who isn't affected by anything, but I know what you're up against. You don't have to go through it alone." I could feel his hazel eyes tear through me even though I wasn't looking at him.

I chuckled a little and gather what I wanted to say to him. "Liam, you have no idea what I'm up against. You think that you need to protect me because some asshole drugged me at a party? Nothing happened. I should have known not to take a drink from a stranger, but I did, and I'm fine."

"That's not even the point." He swept his hand over his face.

"Then what is?" I allowed my voice to heighten.

He sighed then looked around. "There's too many people here. Get in my truck."

"What? I can't. I have plans." I said. There were a few students walking to their cars, but for the most part, we were on our own.

"Just please get in my truck." He begged.

I realized that his truck was parked right behind my Buick. Had it always been there?

"Fine. But I'm bringing my blunt." I unlocked my door and slid it in my coat pocket. I relocked my doors and regretted my action. Had Liam smoked before? I couldn't imagine him high. Although I couldn't imagine him drunk either, but he surprised me on Saturday. He didn't comment, so I got into the passenger side of his truck with the blunt.

The car ride was silent. We drove for about twenty minutes before arriving at a park. There was a small lake, or large pond whatever you prefer, along with trees lining it and a playground. A long walkway lead out over the water.

"You know about this place?" I asked as he parked. I started coming here when I first got my license to escape my mom. Not many people knew about it. There were trails to walk on surrounding the water. It was far enough out of town that I almost never saw people here, especially in the winter months. The parking lot was empty today as well.

"Wait, you know about this place?" He asked.

Without answering his question, I jumped out of the car and ran to the lookout over the water. This was my favorite time of year to come. The leaves were beginning to change colors and fall to the ground. It made me feel again to breathe in the fresh air and watch the birds flock the water.

"Why'd you bring me here?" I asked once Liam caught up to me on the overlook.

He shrugged. "It's a nice place I like to come to and forget." He leaned against the railing and took a breath in. He came the same reason I did. "I'm not worried about you because of guys at parties. I mean I was worried on Saturday, but." He stopped.

"But I'm fine." I reassured him again.

"Charlie, I know." He faced me. "I know why you wear sweatshirts when it's 80 degrees and why you keep to yourself. I see the bruises, and I know you didn't just fall. I know when and why you're having bad days. I just know okay. Seeing your mom on Friday confirmed my suspicions."

"You don't know what you're talking about." I stared at him as my mind shut down. I knew exactly what he was talking about, but I prayed that I was wrong.

"I know you look at me and just think I'm some douche bag who doesn't get it, but I do." He rolled up both of his sleeves and held his forearms out.

I took a step closer and grabbed one in my hand, examining each perfect circle that bulged out of his skin. His skin was warm, but formed goosebumps from my icy hands. I traced each one with my index finger. Two on his right arm. I grabbed the other one. Eleven on his left. Eleven. They were faded quite a bit and barely noticeable unless you looked for them, but they were there.

"There's a reason my parents aren't together anymore." He whispered after so long that it almost scared me when he spoke. He turned away and pulled his sweatshirt back down.

"Are they..." I started to feel my eyes tear up, and I couldn't form words. I didn't know what to say.

"The two on the right are from my father. One when I was five and again when I was eight. The ones on the left are from me. When I was 13. He usually left me alone and mostly went for my mom, but when I got older, I would try to stop him, which usually resulted in me being thrown down the stairs or locked in a closet for a day or two. The day I turned 13, he got me a pack of cigarettes for my birthday. I smoked 11 of them within the first week. Each time, branding myself. But on the 6th day of me having cigarettes, it was too much. He wouldn't stop punching her, so I called the police. He was arrested, and I never saw him again. I have no idea where he is, but I hope he's dead somewhere."

"Liam." I was in such shock. He was so put together, and I was a mess. He had friends and laughed, and oh when he laughed it was beautiful even though he endured such trauma.

"You don't have to say anything. I've never told anyone that before. I just wanted you to know that I understand." He leant up against the railing, looking over the water.

I was glad I didn't have to say anything. I had nothing to say. The only thing I could do was hug him. The gesture took him by surprise, but his body relaxed after a moment and his long arms enclosed my body.

I heard him sniff and looked up to see he had tears in his eyes as well. What a fucked up world we lived in where adults hit kids and kids became adults too fast.

"You still up for that blunt?" He smiled down at me.

I forced a laugh and nodded. We walked back to his car in silence. It wasn't the awkward kind when you struggle to find words just to fill the space, but the kind that allowed you to understand the person you were with.

Twenty minutes later, the blunt was gone, and Liam and I were listening to Pink Floyd.

"Do you know what's funny?" I asked. "When you see people on tv being portrayed as drunk or high, and you think how inaccurate it is, but now that I'm high. It's so accurate."

"Do you know what I think is funny?" He asked. "After you didn't accept my follow request on Instagram, I made a fake account and followed it, so you'd accept it."

"What?" I looked at him, feeling completely sober all of a sudden. "That's not funny at all! That's a total invasion of privacy!"

"Oh, calm down. I just let you into the darkest part of my life. The worst thing you have in your account is you saying you're depressed. Oh, and that the guy next to you in math is a dickhead. I really hope you were talking about Peter and not me." Liam had a big smile on his face, but I was still angry. My chest was tight with anxiety. My body was on there, my cuts, and my secrets were held safely on that account until now. "Do you wanna know another funny thing?"

"No. I don't like this game anymore." I turned away from him and slouched in my seat. I was so angry. That was suppose to be a place for me to vent without anyone knowing.

"I think you're incredibly beautiful. I have since day one. I also have like this huge, dumb crush on you." He was now laughing.

"Take me back to my car."

"What?" His mood changed from giddy to confused.

"I said take me back to my car right now!"

He looked at me in shock. "Charlotte?"

"Don't call me that. Just please bring me back to my car."

"Wait, I take it back. I'm sorry."

I pulled my seatbelt on to let him know I was serious. Without another word he started the engine and began driving. Why would he say that? We were having a perfectly good time, and he ruined it by letting feelings be a factor. I couldn't do it. I couldn't let him in just so he could destroy me. Why would he have a crush on me anyway? Especially after seeing my Instagram. After seeing my mom and finding out about who I really am.

I was thirty minutes late to my dad's for supper, but I didn't care. He gave me a stern look, and I knew he knew I was high. Due to the weed, I was able to eat a whole sandwich along with some chips. I would pay for it later, but I still didn't care.

My dad forced me to stay after supper, so I could have quality time with "my sister." I walked up the stairs to her room and opened the door.

"Oh shit." I said and quickly closed it. The image of Lindsey standing there taking a selfie with nothing but a bra and spandex on was burned in my brain.

Two minutes later she opened the door, fully clothed. "Hey." She said.

"Uhm..." was all I could get out.

"Are you gonna tell dad?" She asked.

"No? Just cause I don't like you doesn't mean I'm a snitch. Just don't ever let me witness that again." I didn't want to look her in the eyes. I don't think this is not what my dad meant when he said "quality time."

"You're like 12. Why are you even taking pictures like this?" I decided to keep my lecture going.

"I'm 15. I'm only two grades lower than you! And at least I'm not showing up thirty minutes late to dinner to have sex and smoke weed!" She yelled back at me.

"Oh really? You think I had sex? Newsflash, I'm a virgin!" I finally looked at her.

"Oh, good burn on yourself." She slammed her door shut.

I ran down the stairs.

"Where are you going?" My dad asked.

"Uhm home?" I said.

"Okay. Drive safe." Was all he said before I left.

I was relieved to see that my mom was gone when I got back to the apartment. I immediately ran to the bathroom to throw up from today's events. The bike burned my throat, but my stomach was relieved.

It was kind of lonely without Owen there, but it was also relaxing. I missed my baby brother, but it was nice not to have the added responsibility. I had basically raised him for the past year.

I finally checked my phone and saw I had a snapchat from Liam. I ignored it for now. Instead I turned on Netflix and let myself breathe for what seemed like the first time in an eternity.

Just breathe.

I allowed thoughts of depression take over my brain. I longed to be a normal high school girl. Liam admitted he had a big, dumb crush on me, and I knew I had a big, dumb crush on him, but I had no idea how to act. The feelings terrified me. I didn't want to let him in just for him to realize I'm not what he expected. It was selfish of me to think he could handle my depression and anxiety, as well as my abusive life. I knew I needed to end things with him before they started.

I imagined what my life would be if I was normal. I would tell Liam I liked him too, and we would go on dates and be normal high schoolers. Instead, I would push him away until he got bored of trying.

If I were dead, I wouldn't have to deal with any of this constant stress. It wouldn't matter who had a crush on me or who I had a crush on. It wouldn't matter if my mom was drunk most of my life and that she hit me. I wouldn't have to worry about school. My life didn't matter. Nobody cared about me. Not even my parents. And not even me.