"Well, for starters, I removed Hydra's tracking device, which they installed in your arm. That's probably how the sniper knew where to find you. With that little gadget gone, they'll have a hard time tracking you down," he says smugly, obviously pleased by having detected the tracking device.

"I didn't know it was there..." If I had known I would have told Steve and have searched for a way to remove it. Fuck, that means I endangered him; by staying with him I made him into a walking target! That was never my intention. Why didn't I think of that possibility? I never wondered why Hydra always found me once I completed a mission. The notion of them using some sort of tracking device should have occurred to me!

"There's more, do you want to know?"

The tone Tony uses causes me to grow suspicious. I doubt he has good news for me. Do I want to know? But what choice do I have? What if I'm still endangering Steve without even knowing it? I nod. "Tell me."

"There's actually a lot of technology in your arm that lies dormant. Hydra installed it, but never activated it. Your bionic arm is capable of much more than you think," Tony says enthusiastically.

I don't share his enthusiasm though. I really don't want to know, but I should find out. I need to know what I'm up against in case Hydra decides to use it against me.

"What did they do?" How bad is it?

"Your stabilization sensors and sensory array were always active. It gives you certain advantages you're probably unaware of because you use them instinctively. But, and here is the new and exciting stuff, you should also be able to discharge bolts of electric energy from the palm of your hand. Hydra never activated that ability so I guess they didn't want you to know about that little gimmick. Maybe it made you too difficult to control and they feared you might use it against them."

Tony shrugs before he continues. It is getting harder for him to control his excitement.

"Another ability they switched off is being able to discharge an EMP. By doing that, you can render electronic devices useless. I suspect you could even sabotage my armor, but let's not find out. I might have to take you down otherwise. Last, but certainly not least, you can create holograms to make your arm appear normal. One could argue that you could learn to create more complex holograms eventually. I guess you understand why Hydra left these abilities dormant. You could have vanished on them at any given time if those abilities were turned on. Hydra wouldn't have been able to find you."

I need time to progress all that new information. I never suspected a thing. Hydra never told me about those abilities and why would they? They wouldn't want me to have such power, I get that. I was a weapon, to be used, and set aside when no longer needed. The last thing Hydra would have wanted was for me to get away and disappear on them.

"Please tell me you didn't switch them on?" I hope he didn't as I have no idea how to control them. I would end up endangering everyone around me and not just Steve.

"What do you prefer?" Tony asks in a deceptively sweet tone.

I can tell from his expression that he would love to switch them on, but I don't agree. I'm dangerous enough as it is. "Don't, at least not yet. I don't want to cause problems by using powers I can't control," I tell them. Tony looks disappointed, but then shrugs.

"I don't agree," Tony says, "But I can't change your mind either. What you need to understand is that you're stronger than you think. You don't have to fear Hydra. With your arm operating on full capacity, Hydra should be afraid of you instead."

"Bucky, you should give it some thought," Steve says, apparently agreeing with Tony. "Hydra IS afraid of you; that's why they never switched those abilities on. Imagine what you can do if those powers were activated. You could stop running."

I shake my head though, suddenly feeling weary to bone. Apparently I'm more deadly than I thought. I can't understand why they're urging me to do this. Don't they know how mentally unstable I am?

"They stay switched off," I state clearly. "I'm not endangering anyone." Their looks tell me they disagree, but that's just too bad for them; I'm not budging.

****************

"You have your own place here?" Amazed, I look about. This apartment is different from the one I have grown used to; much more luxurious and modern. It has Tony's signature all over it and I hardly see any personal belongings. This feels more like a shelter than a home.

"Actually, the whole floor is mine. Tony is really generous that way. Each Avenger has its own place," Steve moves into the living room and turns around, smiling at me.

When Steve told me we would spend the night here before heading home in the morning, I expected us having to share a bedroom, not occupying an entire floor which comes equipped with a large kitchen, a comfortable bedroom and several living areas. There are windows everywhere and the view is breathtaking, especially now that the sun is setting. Hydra would condemn the sheer decadence of the place. I walk over to a large window and rest my hands against the glass. The city looks much bigger from up here.

"What's an Avenger?" I ask, almost an afterthought.

"We're a bunch of weirdos," Steve says and grins as he walks toward me. "There's Thor, he's from Asgard, and apparently a god. He's a good guy though and has a great sense of humor. You already met Bruce. And then there's Tony, of course. He thinks he runs the Avengers and we let him believe that. He's a great guy, but sometimes his ego gets in the way. You already met Natasha. The only one you didn't meet yet is Clint, but he's easy going and you'll like him. Clint only shows up when we really need him. He has a family and there's a baby on the way so he wants to spend most of his time at home. I can't blame him. I would do the same thing if I were in his shoes."

"And what do the Avengers do?" So far, he hasn't give me any real information.

"When someone wants to destroy the world, we step in and fight him. We're actually quite good at that." Steve moves closer and rests his back against the window, watching me for a while before saying, "You seem changed."

He might be right about that. "Hearing Hydra put more of their hellish technology in my arm, does that." I rest my brow against the cool glass and briefly close my eyes. "I don't know what to do, Steve. Ever since dragging you out of that lake, everything has changed. I don't know who I am anymore. I was Hydra's for so long, and then you come along, giving me a name, and although I don't remember you, I know you. And now this happens." I have no idea how to deal with any of this. At times, I catch myself thinking that them putting me back into cryo would solve everything. However, I have the feeling Steve would never agree to it. He would fight me on it and probably win. Why is he so damn determined to make me stay and fight?

"Granted, it's a lot to take in, but you're doing fine." Steve moves closer and raises his right arm. He places the palm of his hand against my face and caresses my cheek.

It's a weird feeling and I'm not sure why it makes me feel comfortable and cornered at the same time.

"Am I? Am I doing fine? Why don't I feel fine then?" I step away from him – needing to break the contact for some reason - and move toward the couch. I lift my arm, stare at it, and my hand turns into a fist. "Can I really stop being Hydra's fist?" Does Steve really believe that? I was an assassin for so long.

"You already did. You're not the Winter Soldier anymore. You're your own person now. I understand that you have changed. How couldn't you, after everything you went through? But you're still very much the Bucky I used to know back then. You're still compassionate... When that sniper took his shot, you protected both of us. You didn't hesitate. You didn't think twice; you just did. You did the same thing back at the hospital; that should tell you enough. It shows who you really are and not what Hydra tried to make you into. Hydra manipulated you, wiped your mind and forced you to do their bidding. That wasn't you. "

"Maybe..." I'm exhausted and don't know how I feel about any of it. Steve offers me absolution, but do I deserve it? Can I really redeem myself? Can I wipe the blade clean after committing all those crimes? "Did I... Did I have any nightmares while I was out?" I hope not.

"No, your brain shut down for a while. We feared you wouldn't wake up, but Tony is really good at what he does and Bruce helped. You didn't have any nightmares."

"I should thank them for saving my life." I AM grateful because now I can spend time with Steve again. At the moment, Steve is my whole world and I don't want to disappoint him. I slowly turn around and search Steve's eyes. "Are we going back to your apartment tomorrow?" I don't feel at home here.

"First thing in the morning, I promise."

Accepting the situation for what it is, I look to Steve to tell me what to do.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"What do you want me to do? Go to sleep? Sit?" The look Steve gives me is filled with questions, which I know he'll voice in a moment.

"Explain something to me, Buck. How can it be that you act confidently whenever we're under attack and you go back to being... passive the moment the danger is gone?"

It's something I don't completely understand myself. "I don't know," I start, trying to figure it out. "My need to protect you overrode Hydra's conditioning at the Helicarrier. That's when it started. I was so busy keeping you safe that Hydra's programming lost effectiveness. When you're safe and the pace slows down, then... I... I don't know what to do. Hydra's programming takes over, I guess. They taught me to be submissive, so... " I feel lost. Everything happens much too quickly and I don't know what to hold on to.

Unexpectedly Steve covers the distance between us and pulls me into a hug. I freeze at first, but then relax, as his arms settle around me. He rests his head on my shoulder and I mimic the motion, desperately wanting to get as close to him as I possibly can. This is what I need. This is what I need to hold on to; Steve. He knows how to ground me, to anchor me to the present.

"I don't like ordering you about, or hearing you ask for permission to do things, but if it helps, I'll do whatever it takes until you're strong enough to make those decisions yourself."

It's all I need to hear. "Thank you." I didn't realize I wrapped my arms around him in turn and I'm holding him tight, maybe even too tightly and loosen my hold.

"Why don't we get some rest? You might have slept through these last few days, but I didn't. I sat at your bed and prayed for the first time in ages so you would pull through. The bathroom is that way... bedroom is to your right. We'll share the bed, if that's fine with you?"

I nod. More than fine. That way I can watch over him and stop any nightmares from disturbing his sleep.

****************

I remain awake for a long time and find solace in watching Steve. The moment he joined me in bed he snuggled up to me. The last time we slept like this he wore sweats. This time he stripped down to his boxer like me, which means we are skin on skin and it's... I don't know how to describe it; definitely distracting and... enjoyable perhaps. I enjoy feeling his skin beneath my fingertips.

I have trouble relaxing because of these strange surroundings. I prefer Steve's apartment over this luxurious tower. I shouldn't be ungrateful though; Tony saved my life and uncovered the truth about my arm. It's even more powerful than I thought. Fortunately he didn't activate that technology.

Inhaling Steve's scent, I bury my face against his neck and savor his closeness. He's all I can think of and this is quickly becoming my favorite moment of the day – sleeping curled up like this. Maybe we did this back then as well. Maybe that's why it feels so damn comfortable.

Maybe that's also why my body is reacting to his closeness and body heat. I can't believe this is happening, but I'm growing hard. This is embarrassing and I can only hope Steve isn't going to wake up any time soon. I can't remember the last time my body stirred like this. I do know that during my time with Hydra it never did, so this feels new – and unwanted. I don't want to chase Steve away should he wake up. How could I possibly explain this to him?

Explain what to him? That I'm attracted to him, and that, although I can lie to myself and deny it's happening, my body gets aroused anyways? It doesn't mean a thing, I tell myself. It's a normal, natural reaction and it has nothing to do with Steve's presence. But the thing is, it does. It has everything to do with Steve. I fight the realization, but maybe it's time I stopped lying to myself. This is the reason why I want to protect him. It's the very reason why I want him close and safe. Love, is why I trust him and why my heart remembered him. I'm in love with him... I probably already was in love with him back then, before Hydra got a hold on me. It explains everything!

Steve can never know though. As far as I can tell he greatly values our friendship, but it's all platonic to him. There's no attraction involved on his part. I can live with that, as long as he's in my life and my friend. I just need to keep my distance and hide my feelings from him.

****************

"Your ride is here," Sam announces as he steps out of the elevator. "Are you guys ready to go?"

I get up from the couch and join Steve and Sam. I'm wearing some of Steve's clothes again, and although I don't mind because they carry his smell, this is getting tiresome, as they don't really fit.

"We're ready to go," Steve announces and reaches for my left hand.

I'm tempted to pull away, as he's too close for me not to notice his body heat, which reminds me of what happened last night. I need to be careful around him. Steve pulls me along and I follow them into the elevator, closing my eyes, and fighting off the panic.

"What's up with you an elevators?"

Fuck, Steve noticed. I keep my eyes closed and wait for the doors to open. Once I'm back on the street, I draw in a deep breath. "I'll tell you when we get home." Did I really say that? Did I say home? Is that what the apartment is to me?

Steve's smile is almost blinding. "Yes, let's go home."

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