"Hey, are you hungry? Do you want to have dinner with us?"

Steve sits down on the arm rest and I can tell he's watching me. My back is still toward him and I slowly turn onto my back to look at him, as I don't want to shut him out.

"I'm not sure I can manage any food."

"That's fine, just give it a try."

Steve offers me his hand and I push back the quilt. With my right hand, I curl my fingers around his and Steve pulls me to my feet. I feel odd; I feel numb in a way. I follow him to the kitchen table, sit down, and watch Sam fill up our plates. Steve sits down next to me and smiles at me. I manage a weak smile in turn, wanting to reassure him.

"Pasta time!" Sam places the plates in front of us and moves the grated cheese toward me. "You go first. There's more, so take as much as you like."

I reach for the spoon and put some of the grated cheese on top of the pasta. I'm not very hungry and hope I can manage some, knowing Steve wants me to eat. I push the grated cheese toward Steve and wait for them to start eating. Once they do, I pick up my fork and start on the pasta. It's messy and the tomato sauce ends up everything. I watch them closely and notice they're using their spoon too. Imitating their way of eating pasta, I realize it's much easier that way.

"I'm gonna leave once we've finished," Sam announces. "Are we meeting up for our morning run at eight?"

Steve looks to me at hearing that question. What exactly does he want?

"Do you want to go running in the morning? I always run with Sam and I'd love for you to join us. That way we can make fun of him together."

"Hey, I don't have the advantages of your super soldier serum," Sam objects. "I'm only human," he adds in a dramatic tone.

What super soldier serum? I have no idea what he's talking about and I dismiss it. I shrug and look at Steve.

"I can run."

"Great! It's the three of us then!"

Sam seems even happier than Steve about my decision to go jogging with them. I don't understand what the big deal is; I can run after them. I manage a few more bites, but then I start to feel queasy, and I put down the utensils. That's all I'm going to eat, because I don't want to end up throwing up later.

"Aren't you hungry?" Steve sounds worried.

"My stomach is acting up. I don't know if I can keep it down if I eat more." It's best to be honest.

"We'll try later. Maybe you'll like desert." Steve finishes his plate, but keeps giving me troubled looks.

"Can I go and rest some more? I'm tired." I'm used to asking for permission in the rare cases Hydra didn't give me instructions and it has become second nature, so I do the same thing now.

"Sure, you go ahead and get some rest. The bed is more comfortable than the couch though. Do you want me to check on you in case you're having troubling sleeping?"

"How do you know about the nightmares?" I didn't tell him about them, did I? At least I can't remember I did.

"You're not the only one," Steve whispers. "I have them too. Even Sam does."

In a way hearing that reassures me, but at the same time, I also feel sorry for them, as I know how bad nightmares can get.

"Maybe you can wake me up before it gets really bad?" My nightmares are the main reason why I don't want to go to sleep. Everything becomes real when I'm asleep.

"I will," Steve promises. "I placed some clothes in your closet, pajama's sweats, shirts, you name it and you'll find it there. This is your new home, so you're welcome to anything you might need."

I nod to show I understand his generosity and then get to my feet.

"Sorry, but..." I need some time on my own. I need to put everything into perspective and sort out today's events. Pierce's face still lurks in the shadows of my mind and I'm not sure I can keep my nemesis at bay during the night.

I feel old – old and tired to the bone when I finally make it into the guestroom. I leave the door ajar, so I can still hear what Steve's doing. After thinking it over, I strip down to my boxers and slip beneath the covers. I pull the comforter close and release a deep sigh. Closing my eyes, I try to relax, which is a challenge, as Pierce's fucking face keeps staring back at me.

*******************

I'm still awake when Steve steps inside. I don't know how much time has passed, but it feels like hours. I doubt my sense of time is correct though.

"You're still awake."

Apparently I suck at fooling Steve, so I open my eyes and look at him. He changed into sweats and sits down on the side of the bed.

"I can't sleep." Do I tell him the truth? "His face keeps staring back at me. He was one of my worst owners." Why did Steve suck in his breath just now? All of a sudden he looks upset.

"Owners?"

Why does that upset him? "I belong to Hydra. I can't recall a time I wasn't the asset, as they called me. Pier..." I stutter and don't finish. "He owns Hydra and..." Do I have to spell it out to him?

"Pierce is dead, Buck. You might not believe it, but Pierce is gone. He can no longer hurt you. I won't allow anyone hurting you."

I believe him; he sounds passionate.

"The thing I don't get is why? Why are you so determined to keep me safe? I understand that we were friends when we were young – but that happened in another life time. I'm not your friend anymore. I don't feel like... him." But I want to feel like I belong with Steve, because if I do, I found myself a home and someone who cares about me.

"You'll always be my friend – my best friend, no matter what happens."

Steve raises his hand and I can't control the violent flinch sweeping through me. Steve gives me a shocked look and swallows hard. Maybe I own him an apology or at least an explanation?

"I would never—"

I stop him, as I don't want him to say it. "It's not you. It's a reflex."

"Who hit you in the past? Except for Pierce, that is."

"My handlers mostly." Why is he getting riled up? "I didn't always obey and had to be disciplined."

"That's not going to happen ever again. No one is going to hit you ever again."

He sounds so damn sure of himself, if only I could believe him. "You can't make promises like that. Hydra will come for me."

"They can try, but won't succeed."

I sigh and give up. Steve simply refuses to accept the truth.

"So what's the real reason why you can't sleep?"

His question takes me by surprise and I look at him in wonder. "I just told you."

"That's only part of it. Do you feel safe here?"

Damn, is he really going to do this? "As safe as I possibly can."

"I might know how to remedy that. Move over and give me some space."

"What are you doing?" I get my answer a few seconds later when he lies down next to me. He moves onto his side and smiles at me. This is his idea of making me feel safe? Steve pulls the comforter back into place, and although he keeps his distance, I can feel his body heat. Feeling awkward, I wonder what to do next.

"You can't be comfortable like that," seems like an intelligent thing to say, but it doubt it works. The thing is, Steve being that close makes me feel shy.

"I won't bite," Steve quips, "And I'll even stick to my side of the bed, but let's try this. Maybe knowing someone's close will settle your mind."

He might even be right, but I feel ill at ease claiming him like that. He's going to miss out on his sleep watching me all night. And if we fall asleep, I'll probably wake him up due to some nightmare. I woke up screaming numerous times in the past. My handlers never liked me disturbing them.

"You won't get much sleep," I warn him. "My nightmares are bad."

"Why do you think mine are any better? Do you have any idea how often I screamed myself awake in the past? One of my worst nightmares is seeing you getting blasted off that train. Having you close will help me sleep, so if you don't want to do this for you, do this for me."

I didn't think of that because I didn't believe his dreams could be this bad. Steve has nightmares, just like me. Maybe... maybe we can help each other out?

"I'll wake you before things get bad."

"And I'll do the same thing for you, deal?"

"Deal," I tell him, still stunned that he has nightmares about losing me. Me!

"Hey, don't look at me like that. I can deal with the bad dreams. No reason to get upset about it."

Steve's hand sneaks towards mine and he curls his fingers around it. "I didn't think anyone ever worried about me – cared about me in any way," I admit. "I didn't even know I had friends. I only remember Hydra, the handlers, my missions and..." No, I'm not going there. I refuse to think about the machine. Steve cocks his head questioningly, but I shake my head repeatedly. "Don't... Don't ask me."

"Okay." Steve gives in. "Do you think you can sleep now? I'm tired and wouldn't mind getting some rest."

"Yeah, you should get some sleep. You need to rest."

"You too, Buck."

I have to close my eyes, because seeing all that emotion in his eyes is killing me on the inside. "Sweet dreams," I tell him, hoping he understands that I've reached my limits.

"Sweet dreams, Buck. See you in the morning. You're safe with me."

I swallow convulsively. He keeps telling me that; no one else ever did. I'm not sure I can actually sleep, but I will try.

**************

Feeling confused, I open my eyes in order to find out what exactly woke me. The first thing that registers with me is that I didn't wake due to a nightmare. Then I realize I'm not alone in bed; there's someone in bed with me. That never happened before and I expect the worst; an assassin, an intruder, or maybe just a handler checking on me, but that seems unlikely. This other person wrapped his arms around me and is pulling me tightly against him. I encounter blond, messy hair and a sleepy face. I need a moment to identify him. It's the guy I'm currently staying with; Steve. He told me that he believes I'm his long lost best friend.

I remember what happened earlier. I couldn't sleep and Steve joined me, telling me to wake him up in case he has a nightmare. But he's peacefully asleep, so what woke me? I carefully scan the room and listen for noises that might betray an intruder, but I find nothing out of the ordinary. Then Steve twitches and mumbles in his sleep. I study him closely; he is no longer peacefully asleep. The twitching worsens, and at the same time, he moves closer to me.

"No, don't... Bucky, stay... don't! No..."

Bucky? His nightmare is about me?

"Bucky, look out! Don't pick up the shield! You idiot, you're getting yourself killed! Don't leave me, just don't!"

His skin grows clammy beneath my fingertips and he's shaking himself to pieces. It's time to wake him up.

"Steve, wake up. Come on, it's just a nightmare." I feel ill equipped to handle this situation; what experience do I have comforting someone? None! "Steve, come on, wake up!" His eyes open and a scream dies on his lips. Wide-eyed he stares at me, as he tries to catch his breath. He looks seriously spooked and I feel the need to reassure him. "It was just a nightmare."

"No, it wasn't," Steve stammers.

He releases me from his crushing hold and moves onto his back. Staring at the ceiling, he works on getting his breathing back under control, and for one moment, I feel like I've done this before. I comforted him before, held him before, and tried to soothe him. I have no memories of it ever happening, but I KNOW it occurred.

"Bucky?"

Steve turns his head and looks at me. He managed to compose himself and looks at me questioningly. "I did this before, didn't I? Watch over you in your sleep." I hope I'm right and that my mind isn't playing tricks on me like so often in the past.

"Yeah, a lot of times actually. Mostly when we were kids, but we would hold each other before heading into a major battle when we were still fighting the Nazi's and Hydra." Steve's smile is rather melancholy. "It helped. It made going into battle easier."

"I don't remember any of that, but I KNOW we..." Lost for words I look to him for help. "I know I've been in this situation before. You feel familiar. THIS feels familiar."

"We would curl up and hold each other, especially after a really bad battle when we lost a lot of men."

I can hardly believe I'm going to suggest this, but... "I can hold you if that's what you want." To me, it's giant leap of faith and I'm not sure Steve will accept the offer.

"I'd like that very much."

I gasp the moment he moves into my arms and rests his head against my shoulder. A part of me didn't think he would accept and now I don't have a clue as what to do. Well, maybe wrapping my arms around him would be a start. I envelop him in a hug and Steve sighs; the warmth of his breath moves against my neck.

"Yeah, like this."

Steve unexpectedly wraps his arms around me in turn and snuggles closer. I can't recall ever being in such close proximity with someone while NOT trying to kill that person. "Are you really comfortable like this?"

"Very much so," Steve whispers.

I curse the fact that I didn't put on a t-shirt and sweatpants, because now I feel exposed and vulnerable. I'm about to suggest that he lets me go so I can slip into some sweats when his breathing evens out and slows down. He actually fell asleep on me. He isn't faking it; I would know. He really fell asleep in my arms. How can he trust me not to kill him? How can he trust me at all?

Please don't forget to vote⭐️ and comment💬!