Because every story has one right? But don't worry I promise that this is important to the story; but first I need to put something out there.

Any guy will know this but just in case the officer reading this is female, I need to make you understand too. Everything that a man does is always for a girl. Be it directly or not, it's always the case. Whether it's a girl that you know, a girl that you don't know but have a chance to know or a girl you don't know and have absolutely no chance with, it doesn't matter. We're not the soulless beasts that we're often made out to be (not all of us anyway). Do we do stupid stuff sometimes? Definitely. But it's always with good intentions.

Anyway, I was slowly getting used to being at funerals. After all, I'd been at more of them this month then I'd ever previously attended in my 22 year life. Nevertheless, we still needed our after work beers to pick ourselves back up.

On this particular night, I wasn't as drunk as usual but the other two were twice as bad. We seemed to take turns of being the responsible one when we were out and this week was my turn. Steve was spending it with his family again and I was more than a little jealous. You see, being in the state that they were, Tom and Aaron decided that going to a club was a good idea.

So we were standing at the bar under the bright lights that changed colour more often then I changed underwear.

(Obviously that's a metaphor. I love hygiene, as you will soon discover).

"Doesn't Vanessa get annoyed that you're out every weekend with us?" I had to shout so that Aaron could hear me.

"Not at all. She's worried that if I don't do this, I'll come home and tell her all about the dead guys I've been touching all week. Besides it means that she can clean our house up a bit. She doesn't think my cleaning skills are up to scratch" He called back.

"Nothing he does is up to scratch" Tom shouted. "She's one of those chicks that want to rule the man's life. Aaron's a little bitch and does whatever he's told. It's disgusting.

"You ever heard the phrase "happy wife, happy life?"" Aaron asked.

"I have. And its bullshit" Tom told him with certainty. Rather than listen to another one of their fights, I informed them that I had to use the bathroom.

I keep going back to the unwritten rules but that's because they are apparent in every walk of life, not just when it comes to funerals. And one of the unwritten rules about nightclubs is that the bathrooms are always miles away from the bar or the dance floor. No one knows why, they just are. So after I climbed a set of steps reminiscent of Machu Picchu, and then walked along a corridor the length of the Brooklyn bridge and then down another set of stairs that went further down than Niagara Falls, I finally made it to the restroom. And yes I went to all of those places on my travels too.

Now this is where the girl comes in. And it wasn't one of those "Meet-Cute" things you see on TV or read about in books. This was the exact opposite.

I was standing at the urinal, minding my own private business when I heard the door opening. Obviously that's nothing new but because I'd had a few drinks, I turned my head to look and see what lovely gentleman was going to join me. Except that there was no gentleman. I turned round and saw her! The girl! Due to the fact that I was standing at the urinal, it was clear that I was in the right place and she wasn't but I was still the one to panic.

"Aaaahh!" I cried. Jumping up, somehow altered my body position so that I was now facing her, whilst still peeing all over the floor.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry!" She cried, shielding her eyes. She could hide them as much as she wanted, there was no way she didn't see my little dude.

I remained silent out of complete bewilderment. I mean, what exactly do you say in that situation. Here was a beautiful girl who'd just watched me flood the bathroom with urine. Thankfully she ran away then, presumably off to the correct bathroom, leading me to believe that the trauma was over. Think again dear readers!

Just as the door swung closed behind her, it suddenly swung open again and in came the biggest man I'd ever seen in my life. He was at least six foot ten and had a bald head and a million tattoos on his arms. He could easily kill me with one bare hand if he wanted to, and soon he probably did. He took no notice of me but walked straight towards the pond that I'd created and naturally, slipped in it and splashed right into the middle of it. Thankfully for me I was out of the splash zone but I was absolutely terrified. I pulled up my pants and ran the 857 miles back to my friends at the bar.

"You ok Sam? You look beat" Aaron chuckled.

"I didn't wash my hands!" I cried. The words were out my mouth before I could stop them.

"What?" He full on laughed at me now.

"I didn't wash my hands. I have to wash my hands!" I was like someone you see in the movies who's just been near an explosion and they're in so much shock that they just keep repeating the same irrelevant statement over and over again.

"What the hell, man?" Tom shouted. "I'm a sick bastard but I still wash my hands after I've drained the beast" He scolded.

"So do I! I love hygiene!" I cried in despair. Told you I'd explain.

Anyway, I explained to them what had happened and after they spent the next ten minutes laughing, they agreed to help me look out for the Hell's Angel so I'd know when it was safe to finally get my wash. I did learn a new skill thanks to this though; I managed to hold my beer bottle with just my forearms instead of my hands, and managed to finish it without spilling it.

We finally spotted the guy storming around yelling at everyone he came across before he eventually left the club, presumably to go home and change out of his piss swimming gear. Tom bought me another drink while I jogged back to the scene of my crime and finally got my much sought after rinse.

With all that taken care of, I was confident that everything would return to normal. I got back to the guys and we had a couple more beers before hitting the vodkas. My duties as responsible adult were certainly over after the fiasco that had occurred earlier on. I had just bought us another round of drinks when I heard Tom's voice piercing through me.

"Dude, that chick is totally staring at you!" He told me. I didn't believe him straight away because no girl has ever paid me attention before, unless you include the prostitute that harassed me in New York. But when I looked to where he was pointing, I saw that he was right. It was the girl from before, from the bathroom. When I told him this, he couldn't believe it. "That's her? What the hell man, a hot girl saw you taking a piss on the floor and is still looking at you like she wants you? She's a keeper!"

"She is not looking at me like that" I regretfully told him.

"I think she is, you know" Aaron shrugged.

"She's like a white Latina" Tom observed. It sounded ridiculous but he was actually kind of right.

She had long dark hair which, due to the lighting, I couldn't tell if it was black or brown. Same with her eyes, plus I was across the room from her, but they were definitely dark. She was quite short and had a few freckles on her smooth looking cheeks. I don't know if I'd say she was hot, but she was definitely cute, which in my opinion is far better. She was standing with another girl which I don't even remember what she looks like. That's how much this girl struck me.

"You should go talk to her" Aaron said.

"Nah. No way, I wouldn't know what to say" I responded.

"You could start by telling her that you don't normally take a leak on the floor?" Suggested Tom.

"That's true" I admitted.

"And then you can ask her what she thought of your dick" Just when he was actually doing well, he had to ruin it again.

"Come on Sam, what's the worst that could happen?" Aaron asked, shoving our idiot of a co-worker out the way so that he was practically whispering in my ear.

I started to make a list of the worst things that could happen and it turned out there was quite a number of them:

She could laugh at my dick.

She could laugh at the fact I pissed on the floor.

She could be in league with the tattooed ogre.

And worst of all, I could completely choke. I may have told Steve about my anxiety but I hadn't told anyone else at work.

"That's easy for you to say!" I cried. "You're a tall, sexy man who probably has rock hard abs. Look at me!"

"First of all, thank you" Aaron shook my hand. "Second of all, it doesn't matter! She's not watching me, she's watching you. Maybe that's her type, guys with less muscle than her?"

"I'm not sure that's a compliment" I mumbled.

"Just do it!" He yelled. "Or you'll be the hidden item in the next Casket Shuffle"

That was enough to propel me across the room and straight toward her. She'd turned round after she'd seen that I was watching her back, and so missed Aaron's pep talk. I got over to her and tapped her on her shoulder. I have to admit that I even felt a spark go through me at that one little touch.

She turned round and I said the first thing that came into my head.

"I washed my hands!"

"Umm . . . that's awesome" She frowned.

"Sorry. That was stupid" I bowed my head. "I'm also sorry about before. You know, watering the invisible plants"

"Hey wherever you have to go, that's up to you. But I'm sorry too. I've never been here before and wasn't watching where I was going. Believe me, I'm just as embarrassed as you are" She said.

"That's completely untrue" I told her. She laughed at this, which was odd. It was the first time I'd ever made a girl laugh. I risked a glance at my colleagues who were watching intently. Tom gave me an obscene hand gesture but Aaron motioned for me to keep going. "Umm . . . do you want to get a drink?" I nervously asked her.

"Sure" She smiled at me warmly. I pretended to be confident as I walked her to the bar and bought her a drink. We ended up talking for the rest of the night. Here's what I found out:

Her name was Naomi and she was the same age as me. She had just finished studying at the university I was about to start at and now she was a qualified teacher. In the fall she was going to begin her first class at a nearby middle school. She and her friends were out for some girl's birthday but she'd been sent home early because she could barely walk anymore.

Eventually I hit the point I was dreading the most.

"So what do you do? I mean, I know you said that you were going to Kent State, but are you working just now?" She asked me.

"Yeah I am" I replied, cursing myself for not thinking first.

"What is it you do?" She asked, looking at me with expectant eyes.

I looked to Tom and Aaron for help but they were gone. They must have left the club once I seemed to be doing ok with Naomi. I was on my own here, so I did the only thing that a grown man in this predicament could.

"I work in banking"

"Wow really?" She asked, unable to hide her disinterest. "So what was travelling like?" She quickly shot out before I could continue.

Maybe my fellow undertakers weren't as stupid as I thought.