Third Person's Point Of View

The early morning blues greeted Wade as he opened his eyes. He sat up in the bed, pulling his knees up to his chin. He didn't feel like himself today. The blues never exactly went away especially...with the voices in his head. He couldn't exactly...die very easily, but, many chose to try. Wade didn't have the best positive mindset, that's a fact. Wade turns to dangle his feet over the edge of the bed. He looks to the doorway, hearing Y/n's singing nearby. Now's not the time! Fuck off! Whoa! Guys! Lanaguge! The voices weren't exactly pleased today. Y/n enters the room with a cup of coffee. A smiling angel stops to notice Wade's emotional situation. "I-I-I-I wanna die Y/n..." Wade says. A worried expression forms on Y/n's face as s/he loses the grip on the cup's handle. The cup's handle slips out of Y/n's hand and falls to the floor, shattering into pieces at the impact. "Don't think...like that! C'mon!" Y/n says as s/he grabs Wade's wrist. "Let's do somethin' together! Maybe...that'll clear your head!" Y/n blurts out. Wade stands up from the bed. He grabs Y/n by the wrist and pulls her/him close to his face, gettin' all crappy when he's angsty. "Repeat that to me, baby..." Wade hisses. Y/n's eyes grow wide. S/he doesn't know. Great... "So what if I'm crazier than crazy? So what if I'm sicker than sick? So what if I'm out of control? Maybe that's what I like about it!" Wade asks then, shoves Y/n away.

Wade walks to a wall and starts to violently bang his head against the wall, the wall fortunately but unfortunately to Wade not being hard enough to crack his skull. Y/n approaches Wade, a bit scared. "Wade...Wade...Wade! What is wrong with you?" Y/n says. Wade halts his head banging and looks over at Y/n with a scowl. "Bitch you better get out of the way! Before I start falling apart!" He yells. Y/n steps back with fear in her/his eyes. Wade releases a breath, letting out a sigh. He takes a deep breath. "You have failed me, brain!" Wade raises his voice. He walks over to the bed and collaspes on top of it. Wade's body bounces up and down on the bed. Y/n approaches the bed and sits down beside Wade, sinking into the cushions. S/he turns to look at Wade. Wade sits up on the bed to then hop onto his feet. He turns to face Y/n. "Alright there's something truly magnificent about being sad and that is that, everyone can be sad, some people are sad sometimes! Other people are sad all the time and this is just a song about being sad. Whoopdie doo! Let's get to it! Haha!" Wade begins to tap his foot.

♪I've got a problem, I'm always so sad♪

♪The littlest things get me pissed off or mad♪

♪My life's pretty good, no I don't have it bad♪

♪So it's hard to explain all these feelings I have♪

Wade pulls out a whistle and blows into it. A rumble came from underneath the floor. Suddenly, a giant green musclar figure burst through the floor boards. Wood flew through the air. The figure punched Wade several times until he basically remained just blood cells. Y/n let out a screen as Wade's blood splattered across the walls. The giant green musclar figure ran into the wall, bursting through and jumping down into the streets. Y/n stood in horror as his/her knees gave out, falling onto the floor. Y/n tries to hold back his/her tears but it's no use. The tears just come.

♪I'm just a baby I think that explains it♪

♪I burnt up my toast got so sad that I fainted♪

♪I played a great song on repeat, now I hate it♪

♪And nobody likes this picture I painted♪

Wade's voice sings as his blood cells come together. Wade's limbs connect to form his body. Wade then pats Y/n on the head. He doesn't say anything and pulls out a gun from one of his holsters. He pulls the trigger, shattering the silence. Wade's body falls to the ground. Wade opens his eyes to be greeted by a intense headache.

♪My only messages come from my mommy♪

♪I spend my life feeling like nobody wants me♪

♪You're kinda cute but your friend is a hottie♪

♪His shiny while teeth and his muscular body♪

Wade opens his eyes to see Y/n practically screaming at him to stop his suicide mission. Wade reaches for one of his katanas and slides it out with his fingers. Wade brings the blade to his neck and slices off his head. It rolls onto the floor in front of Y/n. S/he let's out a scream.

♪I wear a cool outfit and try to look edgy♪

♪My underwear rides up and gives me a wedgie♪

♪My pants are too tight, now I wish they were stretchy♪

♪Why do these small things always upset me♪

Wade's arms reach out to his head and picks his head up. Wade's decapitated body stands up and walks into the kitchen, inserting his head into the microwave. An arm closes the microwave door and presses a bunch of random buttons. Wade's head slowly begins to cook. It spins around in a circle inside the microwave. Y/n runs into the room and pushes Wade's body away. S/he presses a button which pops the microwave's door open. Y/n grabs Wade's head and pulls his head close to her/his chest.

♪Little things make me wanna cry sometimes♪

♪But that's just life♪

♪It'll be alright♪

Wade's head sings. Suddenly, a doctor bursts in as he looks down at his clipboard. "Mister Wilson, you're cancer free!" The doctor announces. At that moment, several lumps begin to grow on Wade's body. "Fuck me." Wade mutters to himself. The lumps then explode with blood gushing out. The lumps begin to open up with acid flowing out, steam practically coming out of the holes. Y/n continues to cry as s/he holds Wade's head close.

♪If you're really sad♪

♪Everything just turns out wrong♪

♪If you're really sad♪

♪Let me hear you sing this song♪

♪If you're really sad♪

♪Everything just turns out wrong♪

♪If you're really sad♪

♪Let me hear you sing along♪

Lumps begin to grow onto Wade's head. They burst, spewing out a acid that begins to melt Wade's head. Wade's brains and brawn begin to melt in Y/n's arms. S/he couldn't stop his willingness to die.

♪What's a party♪

♪I've never been♪

♪Well I went to one once, but I couldn't get in♪

♪I bought a lottery ticket, but I didn't win♪

♪So I bought two more and I lost again♪

Y/n turns her/his head to look over his/her shoulder. Behind lay Wade's body turning into a goopy mess. Y/n drops Wade's head, causing it to fall onto the floor. It begins to roll toward the liquidied body of himself. The head stuck out a tounge and touched the liquid body. It gagged at the flavor but he didn't care. He just licked at his own corpse. Definitely triggering...and disgusting. Never...never self cannibalise.

♪My phone's plugged in but it isn't chargin♪

♪I wake up in the morning lookin' like a Martian♪

♪I'm crying on the daily, you could call me Carson♪

♪Could you please shut the door if you're gonna barge in♪

"Wade! Please...please stop! You're tormenting me! Pl-Pl-Please end this!" Y/n begs. On cue, Ivy kicks open the front door. She claps her hands together and Wade's liquidied body begins to rise up. The liquided body piles onto the floor as it rises up into a body form. Wade takes a deep breath and looks down at his new form. He looks at Ivy with a stern look on his face "Woman, are ya crazy?" He yells as charges at Ivy. He puts his hands on her shoulder then squeezes them, forming a tight grip. Wade let's go and turns in the direction of the bathroom. His feet pick themselves up and he takes off, running into bathroom. He pushes open the door and stumbles over to the toilet. He kneels down in front of the toilet, breathing heavily. He looks at the water below. Without hesitation, he dunks his head into the toilet. Tears sting his eyes as the water fills his nostrils. He doesn't know what feels worse. The heavy feeling in his chest or the sting of the piss entering his nostrils. His world had become blurry. "He knows he can't drown himself right?" Ivy asks as she crosses her arms across her chest. "This has to be a real shitty situation, eh? Eh? Eh? Ehhhh?" Ivy asks as she nudges Y/n with a elbow. Y/n pushes Ivy away. "You're the creator, you traitor! Hey! There's no vaccine to cure our dirty needs!" Y/n screeches. Ivy's hands fly to her mouth, a hidden smile spreading across her lips but she doesn't want Y/n to see. Unfortunately, she let's out a snicker.

♪My shoes are too small and can't fit my foot in♪

♪Went back to the mall and I stepped in some puddin♪

♪I tried to return them, they said that I couldn't♪

♪Here are some things that upset me that shouldn't♪

Wade brought his head up, piss dripping down his face. He spits into the water as he turns his head. Y/n rushes over to Wade with tears runnin' down her/his face. S/he kneels down onto the floor and wraps his/her arms around Wade's neck. "Why...Why do-do you torture your...self like this?" Y/n asks. Wade doesn't know how to respond. Wade stands up and walks over to the sink. He opens the cabinet door and rummages around the cabinet. Y/n turns to look over at Ivy. She just stands there, sippin' a slushie. Wade pulls out a small plastic bag with the forbidden fruit, the killer 'candy', the infamous Tide Pods! "Sorry bae." Wade says as he takes out a Tide Pod. He then pops it into his mouth and chews on the plastic covering. "Nature's candy." He comments as the chemicals begin to spill inside his mouth. "And why not a bit of lemonade?" Ivy adds as she pours some yellow Ajax into a cup.

♪My coffee's too bitter, got stains on my shirt♪

♪I popped my balloon, and my dog is a jerk♪

♪I stepped in some gum then stepped in some poop♪

♪I feel like a hamster, I'm stuck in a loop♪

Y/n's face shows worry. "No! Wade! Wade! No! Spit it out! No!" Y/n put his/her hands on Wade's shoulders and shakes him. "Wade! You...You can't do this to me! Please! Think of our lives together!" Y/n screams. "Lives....together?" Wade pauses as his cheeks start to expand. "Bitch...please!" Wade says. Y/n raises her/his hand and bitch slaps Wade on ze cheek. Vomit crawls up into Wade's mouth. He bends over and opens his mouth, vomit spewing everywhere onto the floor! Y/n jumps back.

♪Little things make me wanna cry sometimes♪

♪But that's just life♪

♪It'll be alright♪

Wade wipes his mouth with the back of his palm. "You're...You're...You're right Y/n...it's not shocking enough." Wade comments. "Oh...no.....what in the ass?" Y/n asks. Wade pushes Y/n away and runs into the kitchen. "Who's your daddy now Wadey?!" Ivy yells. Wade approaches a drawer and pulls out a metal fork. Y/n runs over to the countertop. "Wade stop! Suicide's not the way!" Y/n declares. "I have suffered too long as a avocado faced sweet assed, spandex wearing motherfucker!" Wade yells. Ivy rolls her eyes at the stupid situation. But, she indeed is amused. A scary sadist. Wade runs to a socket and shoves the fork into the holes. A electric current travels into the fork. The hairs on Wade rose as electricity flowed through his body. Bang, bang, there goes your heart! Unfortunately, his heart didn't stop.

♪If you're really sad♪

♪Everything just turns out wrong♪

♪If you're really sad♪

♪Let me hear you sing this song♪

♪If you're really sad♪

♪Like really sad♪

♪Everything just turns out wrong♪

♪I'm talking about everything♪

♪If you're really sad♪

♪Like really sad♪

♪Let me hear you sing along♪

♪Sing it you idiot♪

Y/n looks over at Ivy. "Wh-Wh-What...are you doin'?! You need to help my husbando!" Y/n yells. "Let his rage out." Ivy comments. "Besides....he.......has crippling depression!" Ivy adds, giving Wade a wink. Wade's arm goes limp and falls to his side, dropping the fork. "I-I still wanna die!" Wade announces. Ivy rolls her eyes and approaches Wade. Ivy digs into a pocket and pulls out a hand grenade. "Here...if you wanna die...and be deceased for a short amount of time." She says. She pulls off the pin and shoves the grenade down Wade's throat. Ivy then pushes him into a room, locking it behind him. A rumble goes throughout the entire apartment. Ivy unlocks the door and opens it. Inside, is basically a war zone. Red...just red everywhere.

♪If you're really sad♪

♪Everything just turns out wrong♪

♪If you're really sad♪

♪Let me hear you sing this song♪

♪If you're really sad♪

♪Everything just turns out wrong♪

♪If you're really sad♪

♪Let me hear you sing along♪

Y/n's hands fly to her/his mouth, tears forming in his/her eyes. Ivy turns her head to look at Y/n. "Don't shoot the messenger!" She comments. An arm twitches. Then, it begins to crawl toward another arm. Wade's limbs crawl to one another, stitching back together. Wade reattaches his head and let's out a sigh. "There's only one permanent way..." Wade says as he starts to stand up. He pulls out his mask and puts it onto his face. He gets onto his feet then, digs into one of his pouches, pulling out a watch. He twists and turns the center of the watch. Wade looks at Y/n and waves. He then slams a fist onto the center. Electricity surrounds him as time slows down.

♪Thank you for listening, glad you could all hear this♪

♪But the song is over now, cause I'm all out of ly♪

♪Alright this had to end in a bad note didn't it♪

Wade appears in a white room with a couple holding a small infant. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wanna fucking kill yourself put your fucking hands up! Yeah!" Wade yells as he cups his hands around his mouth. The woman holds the infant close as the male stands in front of the woman. Wade puts a hand on a gun, slowly sliding it out. "Now...momma! Dada! Just give me the babe and we're good to go!" Wade says. "Hell to the fuck no!" The male yells. Wade sighs and puts a hand on his mask. He starts to slide it off. The male and female stare confused until they see...a testicle with teeth! "Jesus H. Christ!" The man comments. The woman's hand flies to cover the infant's eyes. "This avocado lookin' motherfucker is gunna be that cinnamon roll.....wait...why am I talkin' weird? What in the ass? Ugh...to hell with it!" Wade says and he pulls out the gun, aiming instantly at his small self. He pulls the trigger, sending a bullet right into the infant. It goes right through into it's head, letting off a loud boom! "Wade......" A distant voice calls out. Wade turns around to see Y/n and Ivy. Y/n looks to be in pain with tears in her/his eyes. "I don't feel so good..." Y/n says. Wade's eyes grow wide as Y/n turns to dust. The dust of Y/n flies away. Wade doesn't have anything to say at this moment. He erased himself. He erased their relationship! But most importantly, he cannot feel his legs all of a sudden. He looks down to see himself also turning to dust.

"Oh, what the fuck! Thanos? You don't have the budget for this Colbert!" Wade yells.