007 : dead love letters

josh,

do you remember our second 'date' like i do? you remembered i liked horror films and texted me two nights before asking whether i wanted to go and see it with you because, and i quote, your friends were "pussies". that made me laugh. naturally, i said yes, even if i was struggling for money and spending it on a cinema ticket probably wasn't my best idea, but i did it because i really wanted to see that movie, oh and i wanted to see you too, of course. (mainly you).

(maybe i'm the pussy because i'm so fucking in love with you it hurts)

you got your doctor pepper and i got my lemonade, bitter like me. you commented on my choice of drink, screwing up your nose and i remember laughing in your face and telling you that only assholes drink that shit. you laughed right back, already knowing full well that i didn't mean to offend you, only to humour.

sometimes i question whether i sometimes really did mean to offend you.

that's besides the point.

we watched the movie in silence. i know most people when they see a movie together as a 'date' like to have small snippets of conversation, but we were both engrossed in the movie and honestly, i hate to say it, but it was more interesting that you were to me at that point.

i'm a sucker for gore, maybe that's why i died like i did.

i know they didn't let you see my body.

that was for the best.

you need to stop thinking about me.

-julian