005 : dead love letters

josh,

i can see you down there, as creepy as that sounds. it makes me angry to see you still so upset and torn over my unavoidable death. that day was the day i was meant to die and that's that. yes, i know i was the one who got in the car and you could have stopped me, but maybe there's a reason that fate didn't let you? Fate is cruel.

anyway, back to reminiscing how we came to be josh and julian: the unexpected couple.

i think i remember most of the times i saw you before you became a significant pillar in my life, but this was the first one that made my heart rise into my throat, as stupid as that sounds.

i was working, again. i worked most days and there wasn't a day that went by where i didn't consider quitting, but i needed the money badly and you know me, i'm no quitter.

that day, i remember i was working with elora. she was sweet, always had been and always will be. a nice girl through and through, but too sweet for me. got on my nerves, but maybe that was more to do with lack of sleep and my ease of irritation.

i was sat on a stool behind the counter and she was leaning against the bar, sipping at her water. it was a slow day. one of the slowest we'd had for a while. i was bored. elora was bored. she had nothing interesting to say, apart from grumbling about how cal hadn't called her for over a week now (she came in the next day in a bad mood and said that cal sacked her off for violet, whoever the hell that is).

and then the door opened, the little bell rung, and you walked in, josh. you inhaled and then walked right over to the counter, which you always said you did very quickly so you couldn't change your mind and leave before you asked what had been playing on your mind for a while.

you must've known i was going to be there, that or you'd made a gamble and it had paid off. josh, the surprise i felt when you blurted out your apology for hitting my books and papers onto the floor the other day was probably very apparent in my expression, but it didn't compare to the shock to what you said to me next.

joshua bradley, you said you wanted to buy me a coffee to make up for it, if i wasn't too busy of course (you were too polite about it, but that's ok).

but i was far from busy. i remember looking to elora for support, for some reason, and she nodded, telling me she'd cover.

so, i agreed and, secretly, i always considered that our first date, no matter how slightly awkward you were. i thought it was cute, as much as i hated to admit that to myself.

we exchanged numbers after we, somehow, hit it off and you said you'd text me later, but you had somewhere to be, which you later admitted to me was recording with friends.

i enjoyed seeing you a lot more than i thought i would for someone i'd intentionally annoyed only days before and if only i'd known you'd change my life for better and for worse.

love, julian